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Original poster

Would you trust your 18 year old with £30000?

145 replies

bravobravo · 31/08/2017 21:56

My dm set up a trust fund for ds many years ago which he knows nothing about.
He'll be turning 18 in a few months and as a surprise dm will be announcing the news he'll be receiving a wedge basically.
Instead of feeling excited, grateful and happy I'm frankly scared and think he's far too young and inexperienced to be in sole control of such a large sum of money.
Dm said I need to stop mothering him and accept once he turns 18 he's an adult - I don't agree and would much rather the money was instead deposited in instalments.
Who is in the right here?

OP posts:
Crabbo · 31/08/2017 22:50

Definitely not. I like to think I'm a fairly sensible person but I'd definitely have frittered it away on shit at 18. We save for our children's future but in an account under our names to avoid them getting it at 18.

WeAllHaveWings · 31/08/2017 22:56

Dn got £15k at 18. She's now 24 and it is still in the bank, she has added to it and is now house hunting. She isn't particularly financially savvy, just knows it was saved for her future not for frittering away and respected that.

Etymology23 · 31/08/2017 23:00

28 Nos, 14 yeses and some in between! Definitely think it's a case of know your child here!

LyTinWheedle · 31/08/2017 23:06

In a similar situation with my DS' but knowing about it in advance I got the money into children's bank accounts with me in charge. At 18 those bank accounts revert to my full control. It's given me time to get my eldest to grips with the idea of the money there and what to do with it, also he's had a few meetings with me attending at the bank to give him ideas of how we should invest the money and what should be bought with it. The idea was it would pay for university but with student loans being paid back as you earn more money at the moment it is more practical to take the loan and keep the money in the bank earning interest for example. Is there anyway you could persuade your DM to transfer the money to a similar account where you still hold the reigns? Then he gets the surprise without the ability to spend it all the day after he turns 18 and you can teach him how to take control of the cash gradually?

Those of you with relatives/children who have looked after such sums have my respect, my son is a total scatter cash and it would be gone in 12 months. Which he admits to!

LovingLola · 31/08/2017 23:08

Thankfully both of mine are savings savvy so there would be no issue. DS is taking a year out of college to work (intern in finance company). He got paid last Friday for August - £4,200 into his hand! I nearly passed out when he told me. £3500 has gone straight into his long term savings account.
I think dd has every penny of birthday money she has ever received!

RiseToday · 31/08/2017 23:10

Fuck no! How will your mother react when it's al been frittered away on clothes, cars, booze and holidays?

HeyRoly · 31/08/2017 23:11

No fucking way.

LadyFlumpalot · 01/09/2017 07:41

NO! I'm 33 and about to get a lump of £30k. About 80% of me is thinking of finally getting on the property ladder.... and 20% of me is jumping up and down and squeaking whilst browsing Nissan Skylines on Autotrader...

18 year old me would have had that money pissed up the wall in a month.

Jenijena · 01/09/2017 07:50

My children are only 5 and 1 but will receive similar from my in laws, who are so proud of the nest eggs they're accumulating in their four grand children's names. I have had to tell to stop going on about it because I dislike the idea so much.

Apparently they will tell them what to do wth the money at 18 (FIL will be 88 at that point..) so the kids won't do anything stupid with the money (I frittered £2k at that point, my SIL had CCJs, I believe, by 24...)

I'm also concerned that as the money is accumulated, if they do die before all their children make it to 18, the younger child will get less than the older one.

Oblomov17 · 01/09/2017 07:57

Do you actually have any say? Can you even 'suggest', to MIL, that he uses £3k to have fun and puts the rest to one side?

I only ask because I fear not. I too agree with all other pp that this is just not good. Even a mature 18k.

I think even I would not have used it wisely. I don't think I would have blown much if it, but I fear what I did with the main part might not be what I would choose to do with it today, ifswim.

But within a short time, it could be gone. And too late.

Notreallyarsed · 01/09/2017 07:59

Our kids have trust funds (mum's legacy) which states that Dad/DP/I have control over it until they're 25 or want to buy their first house, whichever comes first. Which I agree with. I pissed a mortifying amount of money up the wall at 18 and every time I've been on the bones of my arse since (more than once over a period of years) I've bitterly regretted my youthful stupidity and selfishness.

Oblomov17 · 01/09/2017 08:01

LovingLola £4200 is a lot!! Shock
For a intern?
Seriously, I'm in the wrong game!!

Mama1980 · 01/09/2017 08:03

I would maybe tell him at 18 and then let him have at 21, would that work perhaps?
I was 21 when I received a very large and unexpected inheritance on the death of a beloved relative. I can honestly say I never frittered any of it away.my relative has made it clear in her will that it was mine to do with as I wanted if I wanted to spend crazy that was ok, if I wanted to save it that was fine too- she was always one for encouraging recklessness :) but I knew the value of it and what it meant.
If your son had a few years to think about it while knowing it was there, I'm sure he will realise it too.

AliceLutherNeeMorgan · 01/09/2017 08:09

Well, for a start, what a lovely gift from your mum to her grandson. I'm sure he'll appreciate it and be grateful, right?! I think if you treat an 18yo as a grown-up they have more chance of behaving a grown-up...

Is he going to university or college? If you would have been contributing to that, he could use this money instead and you could give him your contribution at a later point (if you still have it and want to make sure he's more "set-up" in future)

I know two people this happened to in the last decade - both women, as it happens, but I don't think that makes a jot of difference - and they ones who got on the housing ladder whilst their contemporaries at uni still haven't.

Laineymc7 · 01/09/2017 08:17

I'd speak to you dm as I think it would be best to keep the money to assist with his deposit for his first home. Although I'm not sure how you can with hold it. Your dm may be able to. He could have a present from it for his 18th and the rest saved.
I came into some inheritance at 18. I blew it all very quickly booking holidays to Ibiza etc. I regret it now but I was young and didn't have much vision for the future I just wanted to have a good time then and I did.

sandgrown · 01/09/2017 08:18

My relative who works in accountancy won a large sum of money at age 18. He bought a car and was saving the rest for a property deposit. A few weeks later he lost it all at the casino. He bitterly regrets it now.

OliviaTheFox · 01/09/2017 08:28

I know two brothers who inherited a large sum of money each at bout that age.
Oldest one blew it all on a car the youngest used it for his first flat deposit. One owns his own home and one lives in his wife's council house because he's not been about to get that much together for a deposit ever again as much as he'd like to.

So nope.

Landy10 · 01/09/2017 08:55

Surely you've been teaching him the value of money as he grows up? Why does everyone think he will blow it?

We (and GPS) are saving for our kids into their ISAs which we will max each year and they will get them at 18. I have very little worry that when the time comes they will be sensible with the money.

I was given a few 000s at 18 and then £30k at 21 (inherited from Gran, siblings the same) and I didn't blow a penny of it, neither did my siblings. Waited till I was making first flat purchase and used it. My Gran had told me she would leave money and that's what she wanted it to be used for. Simples. Lots of people I know got some money between 18-25 and only one I can think of blew it (and the one who did lost his parents and inherited a huge sum at around 20, but I'm pretty sure grief had a lot to do with that).
If he knows the value of money, has a part time job etc then it should be fine imo.

verysleepymum · 01/09/2017 08:56

I'm really shocked by this thread! Not to sound like an old fart (I'm only 28) but are most 18 year olds of this generation really that irresponsible. I left home at 18 to go to uni and was already thinking about how to afford my first house and saving. I find it hard to believe that most 18 year olds are feckless. A few yes, but not most surely!

I'm 28 and have been married 5 years, have a mortgage and a small child. I don't think that is unusual! Dp got a large inheritance at that age and didn't touch it until we got married at 23 when we used some for a wedding, most for a deposit for a flat in London and invested a 'rainy day' amount. We did that without parental advice just cos it seemed the most sensible thing to do.

Janus · 01/09/2017 09:17

I would look into deposit accounts which have something like a 90 day limit for taking out money. Assume your child has a bank account of their own? Maybe put in something like £2k to spend as he likes (is he going to uni?) would expect him to want to spend some of it. Sit down and explain the rest really must go on something big like a house deposit. If he ever wants to take out of the 90 day account can he talk it over with you.
My dc will be getting a much smaller amount when they reach 18 and I expect some to go towards uni etc. If they took some to go travelling I wouldn't see this as a waste of money but I'd hope some was left too.

BackforGood · 01/09/2017 09:41

I'm shocked at just how many people have either had a large sum of money at this age, or know someone well who has had a large sum of money at this age.
I don't think MN represents the population at large, although I love finding out how different some people's lives are.

Consideredintrusion · 01/09/2017 10:03

When they turned 21 my DS gave both her girls $100k aud in shares with caveat it was only to be sold when they wanted to put a deposit on a house. DN2 sold the lot without telling her parents, came to U.K. 3 years ago, blew it on London living and givenchy handbags. Her mother is now paying her rent until she ties up loose ends and gets back to Australia. DN1 still has the shares and the regular dividends. Depends on the individual but you know your son.

differenteverytime · 01/09/2017 10:05

My dd1 - 18, usually very responsible, carefully taught the value of money and prioritising expenditure, recently received a much smaller amount (about £2K). At first she seemed very sensible - took my advice and separated most of it off into a savings account for 'emergencies and opportunities', taking a few hundred to spend on more frivolous things.

Now that she's about to move away to uni, I find that she's dipping into it for gig tickets (tbf probably because she's so excited to be moving somewhere that bands actually come to). But recently she also (ASD, very strong idea of 'right and wrong') started talking about committing herself to open-ended financial support of a less well-off friend, and clearly had no idea of how quickly her money would run out if she did that. I was also shocked to hear - despite repeated budgeting discussions over the past few months - her confidently pronounce that she could easily buy food for a week with a budget of four pounds. So no. I wouldn't trust her with £30K.

Ankleswingers · 01/09/2017 10:10

NO way.

Knew an 18 year old, best friend of DN. inherited 100k at aged 18.

All pissed up the wall with fuck all to show for it aged 21.

Absolutely no way!

WaxyBean · 01/09/2017 10:16

This is why I save for my children in a pension plan. Well that and the fact that I expect the state pension will be gone by the time they want to retire.

In all seriousness can you perhaps suggest that £5k is spends and £25k is somehow invested (pension, property, investments)?