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Original poster

Would you trust your 18 year old with £30000?

145 replies

bravobravo · 31/08/2017 21:56

My dm set up a trust fund for ds many years ago which he knows nothing about.
He'll be turning 18 in a few months and as a surprise dm will be announcing the news he'll be receiving a wedge basically.
Instead of feeling excited, grateful and happy I'm frankly scared and think he's far too young and inexperienced to be in sole control of such a large sum of money.
Dm said I need to stop mothering him and accept once he turns 18 he's an adult - I don't agree and would much rather the money was instead deposited in instalments.
Who is in the right here?

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 01/09/2017 10:27

Depends on the child. My Ds is 18 next year and will have access to his savings account -(20k) and I completely trust him to use the money wisely. He wants to be a chartered accountant so rash spending and instant gratification are not really part of his personality!

Kr1stina · 01/09/2017 10:32

backforgood my half siblings inherited the money because their mother died very young, so i don't envy them.

I think most teens get these lump sums because their grandparents have saved, and want to give it to them when they still here to get the pleasure from it and not as a bequest in their will. So the in between generation are left to worry about it!

CloudNinetyNine · 01/09/2017 11:34

If you are worried I'd, as a PP suggested, set up an appointment with a financial adviser before the handover. A professional explaining the consequences of spending / not spending / investing may help him see the best path to take.

My DD is a few years off yet but will get a lump sum at 18 (not as much as 30k though). If now is anything to go by, she will not spend it - very frugal!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 03/09/2017 20:58

I would never have blown the money, even if I'd have been given it at 13. I am a saver, always have been.
Both my DD will have about 120k at 18 and I'm relying on education and guidance along the way and bloody praying they listen to me as I'm an IFA

indulgentberries · 03/09/2017 21:01

A friends daughter was in this position and she spent it all on clothes.

Knope2020 · 03/09/2017 21:02

Hmm...
Ds1 would be ok. He would probably keep it and add to it
Ds2? He'd blow the lot!!

DixieNormas · 03/09/2017 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Love51 · 03/09/2017 21:32

back people who don't know someone who has been in this situation are less likely to post on the thread!
Op there is a lot of moral advice, but it seems that what you need is legal advice. Can the money due to him legally be taken out of his control? If not, stern advice is all you can do.

Nydj · 03/09/2017 21:40

Only person I know who was given a lump sum at the age of 18 blew it all within a few months.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 04/09/2017 07:18

Love if it is held in a Bare or Absolute Trust (most likely if 18 is the age), then, no, there is nothing you can do.

If it is a discretionary trust, then yes. I doubt it though as 18, or indeed any age is irrelevant.

The trust could be an E&M depending on when it was done and, if so, then there may be an opportunity. It would depend on the terms.

As OP's, DM set it up herself, it would seem 18 is the age she set, changes would again depend on the legal structure.

A good point, just in case though

Gorgosparta · 04/09/2017 07:26

Oh i was in this position.

I turned 18 and got access to money i had earned. A massive wedge as a child model.

Pissed it away. Didnt even have eniugh left for a deposit on my a house i bought when i turned 19. Houses were cheaper then (2001) and I had to save my deposit from my wage. Luckily houses were cheaper then.

My cousin was in the same position. His mum had some sort of trust fund set up. Using me as the bad example Blush

bluesky45 · 04/09/2017 07:48

Me and my sister both received large sums of money (although not as big as that) at a younger age (14 and 17 ish). We both spent small amounts of it on fairly sensible things (cars, travelling after uni for a few weeks). My sister spent the remainder on her wedding and I have saved mine and will be spending it on funding my maternity leave/baby expenses. We both understand we are very lucky but have both spent the money sensibly. I wouldn't assume that just because he is young he won't reinvest it until he actually needs some/all of it. Having said that, I know many people who have or would likely have wasted the money on nights out etc!

NapQueen · 04/09/2017 07:56

Could ypur mum be brought round to the idea that he can have 10% as fritter money but must use the remainder for uni/property/stocks and shares?

Thataintnoetchasketch · 04/09/2017 08:04

Our financial advisor tried to talk us into a trust fund that DS would get access to at 18 but I think it's a terrible idea. We're saving the money ourselves for us to use for him or give him when it's needed... maybe for a deposit for a house, a wedding, travel or other big things. My sisters friend inherited a lot of money at that age and its all gone now with nothing to show for it.

WhichJob · 04/09/2017 08:05

This is an interesting thread as I imagine many of us are saving what we can for our children's futures assuming it will help them with something significant when actually it might just fund one excessive summer of fun.

My plan was going to be not to tell my DC that they have savings until they are older (22?) and tell them it could only be used for something important. How feasible is it to hide the accounts?

ChelseaHotel · 04/09/2017 08:55

My plan was going to be not to tell my DC that they have savings until they are older (22?) and tell them it could only be used for something important. How feasible is it to hide the accounts

I don't think you can unless you put it in trusts. We didn't bother with that just put money in accounts for them, after 16 they have to sign everything anyway. We felt it best to be open and teach them how we manage money.

We have always saved in DC name and they have been brought up knowing about financial planning and investment. Oldest has just graduated and started work so he manages his money himself now. I don't see him spending it as he's more more interested in investing it.
DC2 is 19 and although he knows accounts are in his name he doesn't manage them himself yet.

SvartePetter · 04/09/2017 09:13

I got about 15k. I knew about it, as I had had the bank statements for years and I also knew that I was not supposed to fritter it. My mum talked many times about how annoying it was to pay back student loans.

I used it to top up when I was a student and when I was skint working abroad doing internships. I then used the remaining 10k for a part deposit for a London zone 1 flat when I was 29. Still own it as a btl, possibly the best investment I've ever made.

You know your DS. What do you think he will do?

Kr1stina · 04/09/2017 11:19

A family I know have just given their life savings of £15k to their 20 something daughter who is expecting twins. She has spend £5k on designer prams and nusery equipment and is spending £10k a wedding.

I feel so sad that they have worked for so long for this relatively small amount of money that should be in their pension or saved for a rainy days and this foolish girl has frittered it away on nonsense.

It's hard if your kids have different values or appreciation of money than you.

Roomba · 04/09/2017 11:38

I inherited just under 24K when I was 18, and about to go off to uni. My family were quite happy for me to just be given a cheque and me sort out investing it etc myself, as I was the 'sensible' child.

It was all gone within a couple of years, and worse, I didn't really spend it 'on' anything - it just got frittered away a bit at a time every month while I used it to top up my student (non)income and paid my useless abusive BFs way in life too.

My sister got the same amount when she turned 18, but as she was nowhere near as 'sensible' or financially aware my parents basically said you're not getting a cheque, we'll invest it for you so you don't blow it (they couldn't insist on this legally of course but my sister saw the sense in this). Ten years later, my 'spendthrift' sister was the one with a very large deposit to buy most of a house. She's all paid up on her house now at 37, whilst I will be slogging away to pay the mortgage for another 14 years at least.

I think if I'd inherited at 21 I wouldn't have blown it all, or wouldn't have blown most of it anyway. 128 is very young to make sensible long term financial decisions tbh.

Roomba · 04/09/2017 11:38

Oops, typo! 18 is very young to make financial decisions, I reckon by 128 you are allowed to do as you like Grin

thenewaveragebear1983 · 04/09/2017 12:46

I'd discuss the options with him. Explain to him about investments- he could draw some out, use it for fun (holiday, driving lessons etc) but if he invested wisely he could recoup that money and still have £30,000 when time comes to buy a house etc. He needs to take some financial advice for himself before he gets the money and starts spending it. He could perhaps have £5k to spend? It would also teach him how easy it is to spend £5k!!

Smaller figures, but my DD was left £5000 by my grandmother in 2006. We invested 4K and kept 1k for things she needed (I was a single parent so it helped cover her living costs while I was a student etc). The rest went into a trust/bond that can't be touched til 18. She's now made up the 1k, and we were in totally low risk, low interest investment. Some with higher risk have much better interest but they need to leave the money in for longer. When she's 18 in 4.5years I know we will discuss reinvestment of that 5k.

peterpancollar · 09/09/2017 22:55

You have no choice but to trust them to make the right decision. Financial discussions about investment with a small sum set aside for frivolities should help. Maybe you could encourage him to put £20K into his ISA allowance for this tax year and encourage him to research and pick his own funds.

I would advise him to put £7K into an accessible savings account (for uni/college costs) and then say that £3K (10% of the sum) could be splurged - I suspect an 18 yr old could easily spend that quickly on driving lessons, new PC/laptop/phone, a gap year travelling, gig tickets, etc.

Not all 18yr olds are reckless - I had accummulated approximately £8K in savings from accummulated birthday/Xmas money by the time I was 18 yrs old. I eventually spent it doing a Masters degree in my mid twenties (for a career change which was definitely a worthwhile investment).

FullM00nn · 12/09/2017 02:47

Suggest give small amounts at 18 and 21. Keep the rest until they are ready to buy house or get married eg into LISA. I would definitely save some until older

Mrsknackered · 12/09/2017 02:55

I know a woman who got 60k at 18 (this is recently) and after no more than a year later, nothing to show for it. It basically went on eating out, cabs and stupid clothes.
I would be worrying too. Maybe draw up some ideas for him? Would he let you hold onto his card? Maybe if you gave him an allowance from it on the basis that he has to invest some in certain things or open up other savings accounts.
I know it seems a bit controlling but it really would be a shame to lose that money, this could set him up very nicely for life!

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:55

I don't accept that 18 equates with stupid and irresponsible

aw bless. It kinda does though.