Please can you just sit with me

[TheQuietestSpace]

Today is the lowest lowest day in my entire IVF journey to this point.

First cycle - live baby. 5 subsequent cycles - two miscarriages, rest just didn't work. This one, now 5dp5dt and test is negative this morning.

I KNOW it's early, I know there's potentially still time etc but I also obsessively and thoroughly know all of the facts around when it should turn positive dependant on what test etc. These are the Boots FRER equivalents. Negative 3dp, 4dp and now 5dp.

I have cried to the point of making myself sick all day. I had to sit down outside the car outside softplay and dry heave into a drain whilst my poor daughter told me it was going to be okay. I have done EVERYTHING to get to this point. Embryos are A grade, PGT-A tested, I'm taking extra progesterone, doing iron, b12, every supplement under the sun, probiotics, this time I've started steroids too (prednisolone). Embryo was fully alive, hatching, perfect. Transfered into exactly the right spot, everyone was falling over themselves to tell me it was a perfect transfer. They're all as desperate as I am. So why WHY am I not pregnant.

Please just sit with me, I need people who understand. I'm a shell of myself, I have decimated my life and my marriage and our finances and I'm still not pregnant.

5 weeks today. Tested this morning after a few days off. Happy with the FRER but a bit sad that the clearblue isn't 3+ yet. Hopefully it will be Monday when I test again.

Anxiety and constant checking for blood is really bad.

Tested again this morning (5weeks4days), clearblue is still saying 2-3. Anxiety has taken me over completely, I'm so scared it isn't progressing as it should. Will test again Thursday. Scan Monday if we get that far.

I see it too, we’re all here with you xx

Thinking of you @TheQuietestSpace just get through one day at a time. It is really hard 💚

@TheQuietestSpace hi OP. I hope you’re well. I wanted to ask what the outcome of this was? Sending lots of 🫂

@Iloveyellow101 he is fast asleep next to me ❤️

What a whirlwind reading these posts back! I never did get to 3+ weeks, the testing anxiety became completely unbearable so I just stopped. I had a painless large bleed at 5+6 and my IVF clinic very kindly scanned me the next day and then weekly until the Maternity services took over.

If anyone has come to this stressing about a negative 5dp5dt test, I was absolutely convinced that we were out. Convinced. I have never in my life felt desperation like I did on the floor by my car outside softplay that day. And now he is here ❤️

Lovely news @TheQuietestSpace xx

I just want to add - my test at 6dpt was the faintest line ever, my tests stayed really light until around 14dpt and I was convinced I was having a chemical, however, all turned out to be fine and I'm 23 weeks tomorrow ❤

wow that’s great . I’m similar to @waitingforourmiraclemy test at day 6 was negative had to wait til day 8. Don’t listen when people say it’s over by day 5.
Im also 22 weeks xx

It's a balance isn't it, I was obsessed with the study about early implantation being the successful ones, and if you haven't tested positive by day 6 on an FRER even if you test positive after it is highly unlikely to stick... but in my head that was very black and white, that if by day 5 it hadn't worked then we were out. But some will implant early and still not stay stuck, and some will implant late and stay stuck.

I think the hardest part is looking for certainty in a time when there is no certainty. We were £60k down by this point and I was at rock bottom and I needed someone to give me certainty.