BFP after IVF - the journey continues (part 2)

[HopefulllHolly]

SENSITIVE CONTENT

Continuation of previous thread for anyone with a BFP following IVF to support with anxieties and other worries that come along with pregnancy after infertility.

@AnnieStar12
@DippyDuck19
@DogMummy87
@Edf
@Fluffyted
@Leaf86
@LouP87
@Natty2
@SETTC87
@ThePeachGoose
@jas1996
@lemonyfox
@oliviagrace2307
@summerchild92

Please tag anyone else I’ve missed accidentally!

@DippyDuck19 Yeah I’ve got about a million notes in my phone about all sorts, one of which is birth choices and questions but at the moment it’s kind of a list of do’s and don’t wants. Im definitely going to chat to my midwife at 25 weeks but I won’t see my obstetrician until 38 weeks so I will want to go in to that with a bit of a wish list and not be a push over.
Oooh I wonder if you’ll pop on NYE! That would be a good way to end/start the year! 😊 I don’t mind going over 40 but only really by a week - but I don’t even think I can stop that if I go natural birth.
Bloody hell it’s so confusing!! I think I’m just going to have to say at my 25 weeks - “this is my ideal birth, how do I get as close to that as possible through my preferences” 🤣 I feel stressed and still have 18 weeks to go!

@HopefulllHolly it's all a bit of a minefield!!! When I open my pregnancy tracker app the first thing I see on it is " you have 16 weeks to go" - Scary stuff! It will be here before we know it!

I'm trying not to have too much pressure to have set plans. I have a loose idea of what I want and don't want but will be flexible to do what's best for me and baby when the time comes.

I binged 5 episodes of season 2 of Emma Willis delivering babies the other day. One minute I see something and be like absolutely not, next thing I've changed my mind. I feel like my preferences change constantly!!! The only thing I'm set on is not going too far over 40 weeks. Baby boy was measuring 4 days ahead at 12 week scan compared to my IVF dates. So I feel like I am happy to go over by 4 days and no more!

@DippyDuck19 That absolutely makes sense! I started a thread with my questions on the pregnancy board and it’s like I’ve thrown a grenade and watched it go off. Everyone’s like “you can’t plan your birth be open minded”. And I’m trying to explain I am open minded to whatever is best for baby (and me) but also I want to be able to knowledgeably push back and say no I really don’t want this, could we try this instead. If there’s a medical need for something then I’ll always do it. But yeah - my lesson is don’t ask Mumsnet for birthing opinions because everyone disagrees! 🤣🤣🤣
Oh god have you got the pregnancy plus app thing? The countdown is exciting but also like, oh ok we don’t have much time 🤣🤣 I have started a countdown for days left of work though which is honestly the best thing ever!!
Definitely agree with your 4 days over thing, that makes sense and I’d do the same tbh!

Have you enjoyed the Emma Willis thing? I watched it last night as my other half is away for work this week and I cried like a baby the whole way through every episode. But like you yeah it makes me change my mind a lot. The water births and the natural births all look so special in their own right though - and the dad’s reactions are just so sweet. I think that’s one of the things I find myself thinking about most - is how my partner will be when he first sees his little girl and holds her. (Queue my eyes welling up again now 🥹🥹). I’m SO excited to see him fall in love in front of my eyes. He’s going to be such a good daddy.

@HopefulllHolly that's the problem with forums like this, is so many people will disagree. I feel like everyone on here seems against emergency sections, inductions, natural labour with a back to back baby!
I think it's perfectly ok to have a list of what you consider to be your "hard no's". And then have your lists of "yes's" and "maybes" but be prepared for that to change.

Yes it's the pregnancy plus app I use lol. I've not completely worked out how much time I've got left at work although I think it's 9 working weeks! 😱😱😱 am taking the whole of December as annual leave before starting Mat leave in Jan. I'm taking baby steps in the way I'm thinking about it as I've got annual leave booked at half way. So I think I have 5 weeks til my next week off and then after that I have 4 weeks.
It scares me that it's not that long!!!

Series 2 of Emma Willis has scared me a bit. A lot of c-sections, post-partum haemorrhaging etc. But the water births seem magical!
Also looking forward to my DPs reaction when baby boy is here. He will definitely cry!

Hoping you ladies can give me some advice… I know most of you are a lot further along and this stage might be a distant memory!

I’m now 9dp5dt which I think means 4wks and tomorrow would be expected missed period in non-IVF terms.

Being on holiday, I’m frustrated I didn’t bring more trusty FRERs but I honestly didn’t think we’d get a positive, and didn’t want to torture myself by getting negative after negative.

Does my easy@ home progression look okay for how far I am? I actually bought another unfamiliar-branded ‘early’ test and barely got a result on it at all today, which really panicked me, but I’ve read a few online reviews say they’re not good so I’m trying to ignore it…

I also managed to buy one clear blue digital but saving that for OTD when I’d expect it to start saying 3+.

We’re now in a remote location away from shops. I have a small ration of easies which I’ll space out from here, but this is ALL I can think about!!

@Sierra26 that line progression looks good! Try not to overthink it!
Also if you are using the digital for your OTD, don't panic if you don't get a 3+, some people don't ever get them for some reason. I stopped testing at OTD because I think you can obsess over line progression and then all of a sudden the tests can get lighter (when your hcg goes over a certain level).

@Sierra26 Line progression looks good to me. If you test every other day the line should be much darker each time. Like @DippyDuck19 says, and I did the same so I’m a hypocrite, try not to overthink it and enjoy your holiday. Worrying won’t change anything other than how happy you are. I don’t think I got 3+ until just after OTD from memory. Can’t really remember now! So don’t panic if it’s not 3+, it doesn’t mean anything really! Go and enjoy your holiday and try and just be happy. I really regret how anxious I have been, I wish I hadn’t been! Not that I could control it whatsoever! 😅☺️

@DippyDuck19 Ah that’s amazing you only have 9 weeks left - how crazy!! And nice you can break that up with some annual leave. I’m still sitting on 3 weeks I can take but I might just take a week of that and carry the rest over to use as paid leave instead of unpaid mat leave. I didn’t really mind the Emma Willis as at least it’s realistic and helps me mentally prepare for all sorts. But yeah some
of it is a bit eeek!

@Sierra26 line progression looks the same as mine with the same tests!

please don’t expect a 3+ at OTD! I never ever got a 3+ and am almost 24 weeks along now - they’re really unreliable!

Thank you, you’re all so wise and understanding!

I might stop testing on OTD (and won’t panic if not 3+) as that will be me at 5 weeks and will have ivf clinic scan booked in, and I’ll be able to accept it’s real. Think right now I’m just terrified the lines disappear before I get to OTD and before we get home - and that this will all just feel like a holiday dream!

Thanks everyone for your kind & reassuring messages the other day. Still not feeling any movement, but only 17 hours until my 20 week scan. Just hope I can sleep tonight as I need to do a long drive in the afternoon!

@Sierra26 Oh that progression looks lovely, we’ve all been in your position and know how nerve wracking it is. But so far those tests look great! That’s the same brand I used, and found them much more reliable than Clearblue expensive ones. I won’t be a hypocrite either and say stop testing! I kept testing until OTD and then stopped after that to keep myself sane.

@HopefulllHolly hop about your birthing questions, I saw the thread you started, haha! The thing with asking about birth options is people are sooo ideological about birth options!!

Sounds like you’ve got a healthy approach to it all to have some idea of what you would prefer, and also be open to whatever happens on the day.
I won’t give advice, but can share my experience relevant to the questions you had:

• About a sweep, I had one with my last pregnancy when I was already overdue I think 40+3. Tbh, it didn’t actually do anything to help labour come on eventhough my waters had already broken hours earlier! So I’m not sure how effective they actually are at bringing on labour, and they can be a bit uncomfortable. But depending how things go, would understand why you might try that first.
• On induction, I did end up having one in my last labour (the drip one which can be closely controlled) as my labour was progressing slow, and tbh it was absolutely fine. It just meant my contractions started coming quicker which is what needed to happen. I think I’d had the fear of god put in me as so much of the ‘natural birth’ world make you so scared about induction. It was actually fine, and although I ended up having C-section, it was unrelated to the induction.
• On the option of having a ‘back-up’ C-section date, my consultant offered to do just this for me when we met him in August. He suggested a C-section on 39+6 as a backup if I’ve not started natural labour by then. Or if I want to go straight for planned section it’ll be booked in for 39 weeks. We have a follow up appointment in December to make a plan. I think I’ll go straight for the planned as I doubt I’ll go in to labour early as I haven’t ever before in three births.

Hey everyone,

I've been following this thread for the past few weeks, as my partner is currently 6w6d pregnant with our first baby after a fresh transfer in August. What a ride it has been already! So much excitement, but also a lot of anxiety over every little thing.

This thread has brought a lot of comfort during those early weeks. It seems like most of you are further along in your pregnancies, and it’s been lovely (and super informative!) to read everyone’s updates and plans.

@Sierra26 I know how you're feeling - we also worried about the line just disappearing or fading. It's hard not to let your anxiety take over during this time. Your line progression looks great! Congratulations on your positive. Enjoy your holiday 💛

@AnnieStar12 Best of luck today! I hope you were able to get some sleep, and that today brings you all the reassurance you need x

@AnnieStar12 good luck for your scan today!!!

@nicky0 congratulations!!! And welcome. Those first few weeks are certainly a ride of emotions!

Good luck today @AnnieStar12 hope the little lady is doing well and in good position to have her once over! ☺️

@nicky0 Aww lovely - congrats to you and your partner. The early days up until 12 weeks were definitely the hardest part of IVF for me - the anxiety takes over everything! Hope it goes quickly for you both and all good news. ☺️

Update from me - the 20 week scan went well :) They were happy with baby, and confirmed I do indeed have an anterior placenta which was a relief as explained why I’ve not felt anything yet.

And last night me and my partner felt some kicks - they were quite obvious from the outside as you could see it move my belly! Hopefully I’ll keep feeling them now.

They did say that something on the scan showed I had a slightly raised risk of pre-eclampsia but that just means extra monitoring which I was going to have anyway, so next scan for me is at 28 weeks booked in for 14th Nov.

Amazing news @AnnieStar12!! I'm so happy your 20 weeks scan went well and you felt your first baby kicks 😍😍 that must have been amazing that your partner felt them too, so special.
Aww I hope that you don't develop pre-eclampsia 🤞🏼glad it could possibly be picked up early though if it does develop into it.
Lots of fab info about your previous pregnancy sweeps, induction & c-section. It's nice to hear stories that aren't trying to scare us!! So many tales are purely negative and really makes my anxiety about the birth go through the roof. Thank you for sharing!m your experiences with us!

@nicky0 awww congratulations to you & your partner!! 🙌🏼😍 it's such an exciting journey. The anxiety over little things is such a real thing, I honestly wasn't expecting it especially in the early days too! It does get much better & easier though, we all were in that boat!

@Sierra26 i did 3 normal tests (the ones with a cross in it if pregnant) on my OTD so I was like 15 days post transfer and all three of them showed different types of lines, one was super faint! I then did a digital test and it said "pregnant 2 - 3 weeks" but I was actually like 5 weeks pregnant and went for my scan 2 weeks later at 7 weeks, so I also wouldn't worry if the digital test (if you do one) shows your being less weeks pregnant than you are 😊

@AnnieStar12 so pleased your scan went well and have started to feel some kicks now! The anterior placenta explains it!! Hopefully you don't develop pre-eclampsia but sounds like your hospital are looking after you well and will catch it early if it does happen.

@AnnieStar12 so pleased your scan went well and you felt some movement!!

@nicky0 congratulations to you both and welcome! We all feel you on the anxiety, it does slowly start to get better 🤍
Keep us posted on your scans!

@AnnieStar12 Awww yay for a good scan and feeling baby move! Bet it’s a massive relief. Sorry to hear about the potential preeclampsia, but hopefully it won’t happen and at least you’re being checked regularly already. I think you can buy strips to test urine if you start worrying but I’m sure it’s fine. I keep wondering if my headaches mean I’ll have it but so far no other signs. Why do they say you were at risk?

Can I ask you all - are any of your MIL's really over bearing & trying to take over all your baby buying?
Mine is, literally, which on one hand is lovely & I'm grateful for everything but on the other hand she's choosing everything and it's not what we would choose.
For example - she bought the cot & had it delivered to our house, we were totally unaware she was doing that. She popped over today and brought lots of nursery bits - colour schemed it (changing mat, cushions, furnishings etc) and she told us that she's ordered the baby bath & asked my partners grandparents to buy the car seat - which SHE has chosen.

I'm feeling so disheartened because I wanted to choose it all. I know that makes me sound like a spoilt child but we've waited so long for this and I wanted to plan the nursery, buy all the things we wanted and choose every thing we would use & need.

I tried to tell her nicely & kindly that it's all too much and I wanted to choose it all. But she took it as I was ungrateful. My partner is in the same boat as me - he said we can just return everything (no receipts but hopefully will be able to) but I'm just feeling really down now like the joy & excitement has been zapped out of me!!

Sorry I can delete this post if it's appropriate for this thread! I just feel like we are virtual friends and need some hugs from other pregnant ladies!

@AnnieStar12 so glad you had a good scan and have started to feel baby move! What a relief! 💕

@Fluffyted omg that is way too much! I had that a tiny bit in my pregnancy with our son, although not to the same level. MIL had bought most of the clothes (like a bin bag full), swaddle and sleep bags, a cot mobile, a high chair, burp cloths, booties, blankets - so much. We just used what we wanted and packed away / donated what we didn’t. She lives hours away so had no idea what we used and didn’t use. I did feel exactly the same as you though! I really resented it, because I wanted to choose everything. I also think it’s a lot harder when it’s a cot and car seat! I think I would ask your other half to draw some boundaries now, it’s generous but it’s controlling too. It doesn’t give you space to have your preferences or plan it how you want it! You don’t want that attitude extending any further. I hope it doesn’t zap too much of your joy, it can’t change your excitement over the baby and all the stuff in the world doesn’t matter at all when baby is here. 🥰

@Fluffyted Oh bless you lovely that would really upset me too! Can your partner have a proper word with her and explain (I kind of feel like it’s his place to sort it out as it’s his mum). I’m sure she means well but it does seem too much to pick everything - it would have been better if she’d asked to take you shopping to choose things. I’m sorry how rubbish for you, but I’m sure you can sort it. Definitely return bits and get your partner to tell her beforehand and why. You want it to be perfect and it’s your dream not hers. ❤️

Not the same at all but my partners mum died when he was very young of breast cancer so we don’t have an overbearing in law. His dad’s girlfriend has bought some clothes and they have offered to give us cash for the nursery furniture or buy it for us. They are thankfully quite relaxed (and live a while away from us!) with the baby but when we see them it’s absolute chaos. We’re there for Christmas and we’re both dreading it 😂😂

Oh @Fluffyted that sounds awful! I have no experience of overbearing ILs but I think your DP needs to have a very strong word with his DM and put in place some boundaries.
I would also return everything if you can and go with what you want! Don't let her ruin this pregnancy and the excitement of planning, especially when you've waited so long and incredibly lucky to be in this position following ivf.

My DM is organising my baby shower and is soo excited and gets carried away with things. But I find saying "No I don't like that, this is what I want..." she usually then follows my lead. She's made some other comments about other things she doesn't agree with but I just keep reinforcing this is my pregnancy and this is how I'm doing things.

It's best to put boundaries in now before baby arrives as I could only imagine it will get worse!

Thank you everyone for your lovely words! We have a scan scheduled for this Tuesday. It's our second one already—my partner was bleeding a bit last Sunday and had to get checked out. Everything went well; they didn't find anything concerning, and we got to see the heartbeat flickering. So excited to see the little one again!

@Fluffyted I really feel for you! I know it can be difficult to speak up in such situations, but I agree with what others have said, and I think your partner should talk to your MIL and be direct about it.
It's one thing to help out by buying or contributing toward things that you two have chosen, but it's another to completely take over without considering you or your partner in the process.
Preparing their nursery, getting to choose, get excited over, and buy things that you and your little one will use in their first months/years is so special. You and your partner absolutely deserve to experience that. It’s your pregnancy, your baby, and your journey - so don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or tell you you're being ungrateful. You're not in the slightest!
Sometimes it takes people a while to understand and respect boundaries, but the sooner you set them, the better.

I hope your partner can have an honest conversation with her and that she will understand and respect your point of view and feelings. 💛

@nicky0 sorry to hear your partner has had some bleeding but glad everything is looking ok and saw the heartbeat 💗 Good luck for your scan on Tuesday too x

I've just ordered the pram and car seat bundle 😬 will be delivered in a few days. Just need to find some space to store it.

@DippyDuck19 Eeeek so exciting!! I want to buy ours but I might as well wait until November as we’d only have it in the box still anyway. What colour did you go for?