BFP after IVF - the journey continues (part 2)

[HopefulllHolly]

SENSITIVE CONTENT

Continuation of previous thread for anyone with a BFP following IVF to support with anxieties and other worries that come along with pregnancy after infertility.

@AnnieStar12
@DippyDuck19
@DogMummy87
@Edf
@Fluffyted
@Leaf86
@LouP87
@Natty2
@SETTC87
@ThePeachGoose
@jas1996
@lemonyfox
@oliviagrace2307
@summerchild92

Please tag anyone else I’ve missed accidentally!

Hi ladies hope you've all had lovely BH weekends!

@HopefulllHolly aww lovely so sorry to hear about your fall!! I hope you are all ok? Anxiety is horrible I suffer with it a lot and it can play real tricks on you. Not long now till your next scan and you get to see baby girl again!

@AnnieStar12 oh no how irritating that the midwife refused to let you listen to the heartbeat. There's real inconsistencies in how midwives operate. I have my first official midwife appointment with the community midwives for my 16 week check next Tuesday but not expecting much! I just remember with my DS doing the standard wee test then every question I had about how to cope with back pain etc was met with the same response of "Oh that's normal in pregnancy" 😩 they measured my bump with a measuring tape and plotted on a manual chart so def not very high tech or accurate!

@DippyDuck19 how frustrating about the scan being rescheduled I'm so sorry! How random they tried to book you in on a Saturday too. What a pain having to trek to another hospital, hopefully it's not too out of the way for you?

On a plus note my sickness is definitely easing but I already feel massive 🙃 my bump has majorly popped out and I am bigger than I was with my DS, I'm nervous now for how big this baby will be, me and my DH are quite tall and my DS was close to 9lbs and loonnggg so I have a feeling this one will be long and probably heavier than my DS lol 😆 my mother unhelpfully said when I said my back was achey over the weekend: "Well you've got another 25 weeks of this!" Cheers Mum for stating the obvious 🙄 lol

@AnnieStar12 @HopefulllHolly so you don’t always get a check up with ob/gyn?

Where I’m from we always get appointments with ob/gyn (I had 5w, 8/9w so far, my next is 12/13w and then if everything is okay I will have 16w, 18/19w, 24w, 28w … and then I think at around 30weeks they start to give you check ups every 2 weeks, and after 36weeks you are there every week). But it’s always an appointment with a doctor who does ultrasounds.

What is a little bit different is that we do not get any appointments with a midwife, which would be nice actually! Someone to talk to about birth, etc. You can make an appointment if you want to, but it’s supposedly not at all like you described your visit, @HopefulllHolly it’s mostly just for them to show you around the maternity ward + explain the epidural procedure and whatnot (not really a holistic approach with mental support, etc).

@HopefulllHolly I hope you feel better soon and you didn’t sprain your wrist badly? 😥 But such a relief you managed to protect the bump! 🥰

@oliviagrace2307 the other hospital is not too far. Just glad I can be seen and not have to wait too long!

@HopefulllHolly what pram are you looking at? I want something light weight but DP really likes the icandy peach which is quite heavy. Ultimately he'll go with what I prefer as it will be me using it more. I'll probably go for either the cyber cloud T or the maxi cosi 360 pebble pro for the car seats.

@oliviagrace2307 I’ll be fine! I think just a bruise thankfully! I actually think a lot of my anxiety this week is because the big 20 week scan is looming too. I always get fearful of the worst before. So glad your sickness has gone! It’s horrible isn’t it. I wouldn’t worry about sizes of bumps and stuff really - they slow down and stuff anyway, could have had a little growth spurt - mine definitely did around 15/16 weeks and again this week. Dunno if it’s a help but my sister measured smaller and the midwife confidently told my mum she would be 7lbs like me - she ended up being 10lbs10oz 🤣🤣🤣 little chunk!

@summerchild92 Oh yeah I forgot you are not in the UK! Bet that’s great to speak to the doctor every appointment. Totally different in the UK - usually (unless IVF) all appts are with a midwife and then you see a consultant with IVF at the bigger scans (so I see them again at 20 weeks). After that I’m not entirely sure when I see her again - I’ll ask next week! So interesting how different places are with pregnancy. To be honest I wish my community midwife I saw today was the same that would be there when I give birth as she’s so lovely and I’d trust her, but I won’t meet that midwife until the day I pop! How are you doing? All ok with you I hope! 😊

@DippyDuck19 I want the Bugaboo Fox 5 as it’s about 4kg lighter than the other prams I think. We live on a massive hill and often go to the marks and Spencer food hall down the bottom of the hill and I can just imagine having to push a giant heavy pram and shopping up that bloody hill. 😂😂 It’s already killing me off just walking on my own. 😅 But yeah I think we’ll get that pram in a bundle (no car seat) and then I think I want to get the Silver Cross Dream I-Size for newborns and then change when she’s outgrown it for another silver cross one. My other half has only specified he wants the safest car seat and otherwise has left it to me. I like the 360 one though! And I do like the style of the Icandy Peach - we go on a lot of longer walks so the bugaboo is good for different terrain so another reason I’m leaning more towards that one but who knows! I’m looking forward to go to look at some even though I have mostly picked everything including the cot 😂😂

Speaking of which - what are people doing for cots and cribs? We’re planning on getting a big cotbed for the nursery but I also need a Moses or next to me cot and unsure which way to go? I guess the next to me cots you get longer out of but equally I like the idea of having a Moses to have something downstairs too? I feel like that’s excessive though!!

@HopefulllHolly the bugaboo fox 5 is also on my list so will let you know what I think on Sunday.
I have bought the maxi cosi iora for the bedroom. Got a good bargain on Amazon prime day. I was thinking a Moses basket for downstairs but if we go for the icandy peach, the carry cot if safe for overnight sleeping so might use that downstairs instead. I've read on here it's similar dimensions to a Moses basket and fits the Clare de lune Moses stands. So may just go with that. The bugaboo fox carry cot attaches to bugaboos own stand but at £150 just for the stand - I'll leave that!!!

@DippyDuck19 Yeah just leave them in the pram! Would def not fork out for more devices 🤣🤣 Definitely let me know what you decide on! I’m terrible at decision making - I’ve read a load of reviews on all sorts but it will definitely need an appointment and advice of real people like you girls to make a final decision! 😂
H+M has 20% off baby stuff atm - just bought some really cute little knitted outfits for her. Can’t resist! 😍

@HopefulllHolly It will be so lovely when you have your 20 week scan as it's such a big milestone to hit! And marks the halfway point too which is always nice! Your car seat and pram recommendations sound great, I went with a light cosatto pram travel system with 360 car seat and it's great especially they are little to swivel the seat without having to hunch over to strap them in and out. I do recommend getting a bassinet instead of a moses basket so we had a mini crib for our room and a cot that converts I to a toddler bed from John Lewis. Moses baskets are nice but babies outgrow them so quickly. We got the Kinderkraft bassinet (pretty sure it was from Amazon, my mum bought it for us!) It's super light like a moses basket but has stable feet and you can even convert the feet to a rocking mode if you wish. We kept this downstairs with our DS as it was so handy to have, plus it comes with a travel case so you can take it to other places so easily and lasts until they are 6 months old. Highly recommend!

@HopefulllHolly thanks as well for the reassurance about growth spurts with bumps! I did chuckle when you said your sister was a little chunk lol 😆 who knows this baby may be smaller but I'm preparing for bigger than my DS. My DS didn't even fit into some newborn clothes at birth (different shops have weird sizing I remember Tesco was great and roomy but Next Baby he literally wore one outfit once then the week after couldn't do the poppers up lol!)

@oliviagrace2307 yes that was what the midwife was like today! I had a list of questions to ask her and each thing she was just like “yeah that’s cause your pregnant” or just brushed me off or made me feel like an idiot. I felt like bursting in to tears when I left and it took me a little while to process why I found it so upsetting. There was literally no point me asking her anything, she just made me feel
stupid. I think I’ve been lucky in the past with super lovely midwives. Hopefully I won’t see that one again!

@summerchild92 unless it’s a high risk pregnancy, then yeah the care is entirely midwife led in most of England. Every NHS trust does things slightly differently, but where I am in London you would only see a doctor if something is wrong or you’re classed as high-risk. In practice though a lot of people do fall in that category or will have something occur at some point which requires seeing a doctor, but in theory you could do a whole pregnancy and birth without every seeing a doc! I think England is very unusual in that regard. In other countries midwives wouldn’t even deliver babies! Sounds great that you get so much doctor-led care.

@HopefulllHolly on sleeping equipment, I have the Snuz pod next to me crib which I brought for my DD. It was a bit expensive but looked ideal as they’re so close to you but still safe in a crib. The one I have kind of doubles up like a Moses basket as the top comes away and you can move it around the house really easily.
But Tbh, she never slept in it! For all my babies I’ve had a variation of cots, Moses baskets, cribs etc but I’ve always struggled to get them to sleep in them. Despite my best efforts, I have always ended up co-sleeping as that’s the only way they sleep for more than 10 mins. I will try again with this baby in the snuz pod as I really don’t want another Co-sleeper! I really like the Fox prams, think that’s a great choice. Unfortunately they’re just too big for London public transport which is how we get about as we don’t have a car.

@DippyDuck19 sorry they messed you around with your scan, but please you have it booked it now. That’s so bad you had to physically go in to speak to someone! I’ve discovered that email is the only way to reach anyone at my hospital.

@HopefulllHolly it’s very little chance that we could meet the midwife that would be present at the birth beforehand either. I think in some hospitals they would allow a doula to be present at the birth with you, but that’s something you have to arrange yourself and pay for it extra. Some hospitals will only allow one person though, so if you have to choose between your partner and doula, I think 99% of women still choose their partner to be there. 🤪

I’m okay now, thanks for asking. I haven’t had another bleed since so that’s good. Hope everything’s okay with the bebe. Like all of you say, ultrasound only reassures me for a day or two, then I’m back to questioning everything again. 👀

@AnnieStar12 I think in some cases midwife-led appointments can be better, especially if they take time for you and reassure you, show some compassion etc. So sad you had a bad experience. My experience with the on call gyn. (When I had a bleed) was great, but the nurse seemed pretty pissed off I came in the middle of the night 😬😬 As if I wasn’t feeling bad already … some nurses/midwives really aren’t set for this job. 😏😏

As for the buggies … we are thinking about Bugaboo Fox 5 as well 🥰 obviously we won’t buy it yet, at least not for a few months, but I am 90% sure we will get it. Another choice would be Nuna, but I think Bugaboo is easier to lead.

@oliviagrace2307 Oooh thank you! I’ll have a look. Did you have a next to me cot at first?
I love a chunky baby - those chubby legs and wrists get me 🥰 I’ve read loads of threads on here about how their big babies were the easiest to deliver which is weird but hopefully reassuring!

@AnnieStar12 Oh thank you! I am hoping she does ok in a cot - I dont want to co-sleep. Not for any other reason than our bed is already full! My partner takes up too much space and my dog squashes himself on too. I can just imagine I will be the one getting absolutely no sleep while every other bed bud is snoring away (as is already the case!) 😂😂 But like you say, whatever enables us to get the best quality sleep I’ll go with.

I’ve been listening to a really good podcast if anyone is interested. It’s called Birth-Ed and it’s been really interesting and has so much information about all of the things I wanted to know about. (Stages of labour, tongue tie, doula advice and stuff) @DippyDuck19 and other FTMummys to be - might be most helpful to you, as I for one feel wholly unprepared!! ☺️

@HopefulllHolly thanks for the podcast recommendation. I saved this the other day and was going to try it out! Will definitely have a listen as I feel completely clueless!!!

@HopefulllHolly It wasn't the same brand but yes we had a crib like that for my DS which we will def use again for this baby! We were lucky that my DS was a good sleeper so we didn't have any issues with him generally. When he was 3months+ I started getting him used to having naps in his big cot in his room but he stayed in our room at night in the crib until he was 6 months old. It was nerve wracking moving him into his own room but once he was in, I definitely slept better, I'm such a light sleeper that even if he shuffled about in the crib next to me then I'd be wired lol 😆 We also used the Cubo baby monitor, my DH was in charge of baby monitor purchasing and although it's more than you would usually spend on a monitor, the functionality is amazing. My DH works in tech and wanted something quite secure so can't be hacked. It plays tunes for baby, it has roll over detecting, cough detection etc and it all goes to your phone. You can even add family to the app when they are babysitting etc so they can use it too.

@oliviagrace2307 we had Cubo too! Same husband traits 😂 loved it! Defo reccommend!

Holy hell @oliviagrace2307 @Edf those baby monitors are expensive!! 😂😂😂😂

@Edf Haha 😄 I'm glad my husband isn't the only one who's a bit of a tech nut! How are you doimg? Hope you are all good?

@HopefulllHolly I know its a bit spenny for a monitor lol 😆 😂 I was quite happy originally just getting like the BT baby monitor, but my DH is really hot on cameras/home devices and is very wary of things getting hacked. It is very very good but yeah it was one that is a bit of a splurge!

@oliviagrace2307 sometimes these tech nuts come in handy- loved being able to see in reality how much sleep I had and when she woke up etc as in the morning I couldn’t be more unsure!
all good thanks- been referred for cbt which I’m optimistic about 😊 perks of being pregnant- smaller waiting lists!!

How is your wrist now @HopefulllHolly ? I hope it's healed nicely.

We've already brought our pram & Moses basket 🙈 maybe we were a tad eager!! Though I hadn't thought through the fact I might need something for the baby to sleep in downstairs during the day ... I just thought I'd carry the Moses basket up & done each day 😂 but probably not a very practical idea!!
We've chosen our cot bed but haven't brought it yet, obviously for when the baby is older.
I haven't put much thought into a baby monitor yet but loving that fact some of you have very techy parters, it's really helped my research today.

@summerchild92 what country are you from if you don't mind me asking? It's so interesting how this journey is so different around the world.

I had my 20 week scan today! Baby is healthy & the heart beat is strong. was kicking loads, not that I could feel it 🙈
We were supposed to find out the gender today but little baby decided not to play ball and spent the entire scan facing my back so we could only see it's back and arms & legs when it was kicking about.
They sent me for a walk but it didn't move so we didn't get to find out 😔

I'm just so glad that the baby is doing well in there!

Hi @Fluffyted Aww amazing news on your massive milestone! You made it! Shame they couldn’t see what he or she was but the fact they are healthy and thriving is amazing! Have you got an anterior placenta too to not feel kicks? I think I’ve started feeling them properly, particularly today. I have had a few that are definite kicks quite low down (feel like little muscle spasms). So that’s really magical! Counting down to our 20 week on Wednesday and should go fast - boring plans tomorrow, Sunday going for a long walk and roast with friends, Monday is my birthday so my partner has planned stuff all day, Tuesday getting my hair done and going shopping. So I hope it flies by! What pram did you get? I need to book an appointment to go look at them really but we don’t have any free weekends until October now anyway.

Yeah my wrist is ok thanks! Managed to go to Pilates last night and the only thing that hurt was the back of my arms where I’d overstretched them stopping myself from landing on my back. But they are better after some stretching! Weirdly my palm of my hand is black with a bruise but it’s not painful now. I got off quite lightly but it’s really not nice falling over when pregnant! How are you doing generally?

Hows everyone doing? @DippyDuck19 hope you have a good day shopping for baby stuff tomorrow! 😊

@Fluffyted great news on the scan. Shame baby not cooperating to find out if 🩷 or 🩵.

Thanks @HopefulllHolly. Will let you know how my shopping trip goes. Think I've narrowed down my pram search to:
Bugaboo dragonfly
Bugaboo fox 5
Icandy peach 7
Mamas & papas ocarro
Hopefully will be able to make a decision. I'm usually soo indecisive 😂 if I can narrow it down to 2 that will be a good start!!

@HopefulllHolly also glad you're starting to feel more movements!

@DippyDuck19 I have quite a few of the same ones on my list - only one I didn’t was the butterfly so definitely let me know!
And yeah it’s lovely feeling movement - some have been quite strong today and definite kicks but still haven’t felt any rolling or anything. Shes definitely more active in the evening - hope it’s not a sign of things to come! 🥳🕺

@HopefulllHolly aww exciting! I can't say I've had kicks but feels more like rolling around and doing somersaults. Baby is active in the morning and more so in the evening so also hoping it's not a sign of things to come too! 😂
It's definitely reassuring to feel it every day now, feel less reliant on scans.