To ask if you've regretted surrogacy/struggled to bond?

[ivfregret]

Posting for traffic the other forums do not get much response.

This is not a thread about the ethics of surrogacy so I'm hoping it doesn't become that.

I'm posting because starting a family myself is becoming a very unlikely route for me and I may have to consider surrogacy.

I'm just concerned about bonding with the child/having regrets so I'd like to know if anyone has had this experience experience?

Thanks in advance

@YouWonJayne But it's not your decision whether people are surrogates or use a surrogate. People who see no issue with it (me included) are not likely to change their minds.

It’s interesting that @MNHQ have deleted a post where I shared articles on women who died in childbirth when acting as surrogates…

We don’t stop raising awareness of abusive practices just because some people won’t change. That’s not how the world works

I wonder what they deleted.

This universal gaslighting that surrogacy is safe and jolly is scary

Sending hugs 💐. People can't seem to help themselves with their judgment and nastiness. Not that your choices are anything to do with them so please don't let it affect anything you were going to do.

I am also infertile but mine is secondary infertility so I did have the chance to have children when younger. I can't even imagine the pain of never having that chance.

Michelle Reaves - USA
Premila Vaghela - India
Natasha Caltabiano - UK

all were mothers - their children now orphans.

@YouWonJayne it's your opinion that it is an abusive practice but many others would disagree.

The women who have died, been abused by the system, been taken advantage of and regretted it would agree with me

@YouWonJayne And many wouldn't. As long as the surrogate makes an informed decision and knows what is involved, it is their choice as an adult.

100% this. ^ 💯

That’s the point - it’s not an informed decision for far too many women.

But hey as long as the commissioning parents get their Proper Baby who cares ey

Risking a life to save a life is different to risking a life to facilitate the trade in life.

Also massive yawn at “they’re just unhappy people”. No - women are quite capable of having valid opinions on societal issues that pale a danger to other women without being labelled jealous or miserable.

How about listening to concerns around surrogacy rather than pretending it’s all hunky dory.

@YouWonJayne Surely using a surrogate in the U.K. (as that is what I am basing my comments on) would be informed of what she was getting involved in and could do the necessary research.

We have lots of health and safety measures to make sure there is as little risk as possible to life at work.

If it was only that simple. There are laws and procedures but it isn’t well regulated at all. There are ethics committees IVF clinic are supposed to use but again they aren’t tightly regulated and if it’s a ‘no’ then the commissioning parents can just take their womb abroad

I am 100% opposed to surrogacy.

Primarily because I disagree with purposely creating people to be separated from their mothers at birth, in order to salve someone else’s pain- ie - I believe the welfare of the child is paramount and surrogacy puts the welfare of the child behind the wishes of people who want to be parents - whatever the cost. This is inhumane and unjust, in my opinion.

Secondly, because it exploits, devalues and harms women and motherhood itself, reducing the complex and connected relationship of growing a life within one’s body to something as perfunctory as sticking something into an oven until it’s cooked. It’s degrading, inhumane and dangerous.

I have arrived at my position, not through unhappiness, but through joy, wonder and respect towards motherhood, the mother-baby dyad and the unconditional love of a baby towards its mother.

Exactly.

Eh?? Tou posted before about how wonderful it was that your friend/cousin used a surrogate?

@ivfregret you might find more help joining some of the surrogacy Facebook groups to ask your questions. There are ones just for intended parents. My friend is going through this and shares alot and recommended them.

Nobody is entitled to say 'no-one has a rightto have a child...' Having a child IS a right. A human right.

https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights

Just checked, the right to have a child is not included.

The rights of children are included.

I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.

Ive posted about how I knew someone who used best practice in that all parties put the birth mother and baby first. And that if surrogacy has to be done altruistically it should be done that way. I didn’t say it was ‘wonderful’

I missed that post - someone ACTUALLY said having a child is a human right?! Seriously?

My post got deleted so quick.
Buying babies is wrong and should be against the law everywhere.
Child trafficking is illegal.
Adopt if you're so desperate for a baby.

Nope, I kept trying to engage with you how your descriptions of best practices was utterly wrong and not best practice and doesn’t happen as standard and is actually not great for any party.