IVF sibling round support

[itsmschanandlerbong]

Just wondered if there would be any interest in setting up a support thread for those of us thinking about a sibling round. This could very much be a 'me' issue but I feel a bit awkward sometimes posting in other threads, it's a bit like being stuck between being very lucky and fortunate having had a successful round, but also struggling with the challenges of having to go through it all over again. I've found it difficult to know my place in this community now.

So yeah, is anyone else trying or thinking about trying for their sibling round yet? Ill post a comment with our story.

Hi @MindatWork sorry to hear about this last round, it sounds like you have a great attitude to life especially having been on this journey for so long! I wish you a long and happy life with your perfect 3 xxx

@Overlyanxious hey welcome! I found it hard getting my head sort of ready to try again. My DD is 18 months now and is a crap sleeper - we co-sleep and breastfeed still. Still don’t know how exactly it’s all going to work with a newborn 😂😂 but we decided to give it a go and what was meant to be would be and it worked, so we’ll figure it out. Im embracing thar DD will change a lot in 6 months. Kind of hoping she self-weans with my milk starting to go. I’ve just accepted the first year with a newborn and DD is going to be chaos and hard, but then we’ll have our family and be done with the crazy baby stage (intending for this to be our last baby)

@2mumlife that's so great that it worked. Did you do anything with your diet or anything to prepare? My little one is 16 months so not far behind yours. I have heard that being pregnant does mean your breastfeeding baby does wean off it. That's good you were allowed to breastfeed still and have IVF.

@Overlyanxious Honestly, I did nearly nothing to prepare this time. I still mostly don't drink alcohol and mostly drink decaf coffee now as I got used to that when I was TTC / pregnant, so only thing I did was stop drinking alcohol completely and start taking a prenatal vitamin instead of my usual multivitamin. Didn't make any effort with with my diet or exercise, no acupuncture or mindfulness or anything.

To be honest trying for a sibling has felt very different - really busy with DD and work so this time around rather than TTC kind of taking over my life, it was just sort of squeezed into everything else going on. I did a medicated FET (we had 2 frosties from the cycle with DD) and it worked the first try (single transfer). Actually still feels a bit of a shock, as we did 4 IUIs, and then 2 egg collections with 1 fresh transfer and 2 frozen transfer to conceive DD! I really wasn't sure I wanted to go through another egg collection round, so very grateful our frostie worked.

My clinic were not particularly breastfeeding friendly, but I joined an online group for breastfeeding women doing fertility treatment and informed myself of the various research. I did a medicated FET and was happy that the meds I was taking were not contraindicated for breastfeeding, aside from possibly affecting supply. I didn't notice any change in supply from the meds. I accept that I can't do anything to stop my milk potentially stopping due to pregnancy hormones (and I think it is reducing), but not everyone's supple stops completely, and many older infants do seem to just dry-nurse through pregnancy. I'm ok if DD weans, and if we end up dry nursing I'm not thrilled about the idea but we'll handle it as not going to force wean her.

Do you have any frosties or will you need to go through a full egg collection round? I do remember you from forums from before, but can't remember what your situation was :)

@2mumlife I have some Frosties but can't really afford to try too many times. Can probably only really give it one go at this point and don't want to wait too much longer as I'm going to be 41 soon and personally don't want to be too much older. I'm feeling quite a lot of pressure at the moment and it's reminding me a bit of how I was before my IVF last time.

@Overlyanxious I can understand age being a factor. Its great you have some frosties to try. I think all you can do is give it a shot and see. I've found the cycles I'm most relaxed / less obsessed is when it works. I've also got a superstition about not testing before OTD as its the cycles I didn't test early (and got to test day and actually have this feeling I don't want to test) that its been positive. Wishing you the best of luck if you decide to go ahead and go with a sibling round :)

@Olivia199 How are you getting on with OHSS? How many embryos were you able to freeze in the end? x

How is everyone else getting on?

Hi @2mumlife how you doing? I’m doing my FET at the moment off to the clinic for my lining scan tomorrow 🤞🏼then onto the oh so pleasant pesseries and hopefully get our transfer date confirmed!! X

Hi @Overlyanxious welcome to the group!! Hope you’re well, when are you thinking of starting your cycle for a sibling? It is hard to get your head in the right place I don’t think mine still is, coupled with a missed miscarriage on our last try has knocked me a bit but we carry on and hope for the best on this next transfer 🤞🏼

@Bobbin83 Good luck for lining scan tomorrow :) oh the joy of pessaries, I’m finally on the last week 😆 Doing better here, definitely starting to feel less nausea but still totally exhausted. Finding DD really heavy and keep telling her she’s going to have to start walking more 😂

@Bobbin83 thank you. Oh the joy of pessaries. That's exciting you're at the transfer stage but I'm so sorry about the missed miscarriage.

I'm pencilled in with the clinic for June for my transfer. I've had a consultation and scan and they are all happy to proceed when we are. Mainly waiting till then as we are moving in May.

@Overlyanxious That seems a nice bit of time as wel to mentally feel prepared :)

Hi again everyone - just catching up as I've been offline a few weeks on work travel and holidays.

@MindatWork I'm so, so sorry to hear that it ended up being a CP. That's heartbreaking... I admire your strength having been through all of that over such a long period of time. Lots of love to you and your family as you move onto the next phase together with your beautiful daughter ❤

@Bobbin83 how was your lining scan? do you have a transfer date? wishing you the very best for this attempt 🤞🏼 it must be super tough going into this round after the MMC... lots of positive thoughts coming your way xxx

@Olivia199 I'm sorry you've over stimulated and didn't get to transfer and I hope you're feeling well and haven't had bad OHSS - no experience here but I hope you found some helpful advice. Those are great numbers and I hope the final update was equally positive, and that you're enjoying some wine and fun time in celebration 😊and in thanks for being a donor too!

@daisypizza good to hear that your clinic are happy to repeat the FET - sounds like we're on a similar timeline and I can totally appreciate the scheduling complications with work, especially if you have to travel!
We're doing a self-funded NHS round and we paid £1225 (incl. scans and bloods but not incl. meds). This is cheaper than going provate at the same clinic... I was told the price will be going up next month, though.

@2mumlife I can imagine pregnancy fatigue with a toddler must be quite a bit harder to deal with... but it's great to hear that your nausea is subsiding and well done you for continuing to BF despite the pain 💪🏼I hope you get to enjoy these months a bit more than the first trimester! will it be 12w soon?

@Overlyanxious nice to see you back and glad to hear you have a date to proceed! The pressure is always so real for me, but a house move sounds like the prfect distraction... Good luck with that in the meantime 😊

I have my follow-up/planning appointment on Thursday and am looking forward to get going again! This is our last frostie so it feels like the stakes are extra high...

Hey @beachbum85 good to hear from you, hope you enjoyed your holiday! Lining scan was good and transfer booked for this Friday! Onto the next hurdle…will the embryo defrost ok 🤞🏼then onto to the dreaded 2ww not looking forward to that at all 😩 will keep you guys posted xx

@Bobbin83 That's exciting transfer is Friday. It always feels like one hurdle after another doesn't it though sometimes? Sending you lots of luck.

@beachbum85 Nice to hear from you :) Are you hoping to do your next cycle April/May then? I can understand there is more anxiety when there is only 1 frostie left - hopefully this will be the one for you! Have you had thoughts about whether you would do another egg collection if needed? I know I was really reluctant to go through egg collection again. Hoping it all works out for you. We also have 1 frostie and it feels a bit weird now as if everything goes well, we're pretty positive this is the last baby for us, but in a little part of me I feel like I can't just destroy that remaining frostie... oh well I guess we will cross that bridge in the future, and just hope this pregnancy keeps going. It'll be 12 weeks tomorrow 🥳 but my NHS scan isn't until next week, so still a bit longer to go to get confirmation everythings ok 🤞

Hey! Thanks everyone, I'm feeling well again and finally out of pain. It was worth it with 6 embryos in the freezer so obviously I'm thrilled. Good quality ones in there too.

Wishing you all the luck in the world in your journeys and I'm sure I'll be back eventually. Until then, a glass of wine and some brie!

Thank you all so much for your support thus far. X

@Olivia199 Fantastic outcome and so pleased you’re feeling better again. Hope to see you again soon!! Best of luck when you’re ready to transfer

Bets of luck for Friday @Bobbin83 ! I'll be thinking of you. Very exciting to be transferring - please keep us posted and we're here to keep you company throughout the never-ending tww 😅

@2mumlife Happy 12 w! That's a great milestone 🥳 Looking forward to hearing your confirmation from next week's scan 😊
I may be over-optimistic but I'm actually hoping that they will let me transfer on this cycle that started last weekend, since it's a natural cycle. Scheduling and work wise, it would be so much easier as I have a pretty free month. Otherwise, I hope we can go asap after that.
I'm almost sure that we'd go into another egg collection if this frostie doesn't work. I am obviously hoping that won't be needed but, for us, the desire for a sibling outweighs all the many cons that come with an egg collection right now.

I totally get what you mean about destroying the remaining frostie - I'm generally very pragmatic and have said that we'd donate any remaining frosties to science, but I know I would find that very, very difficult.

Congratulations @Olivia199 that's great news! I'm so glad you've got such a good set of embryos waiting for you when the time comes 😍enjoy yourself in the meantime - hard earned wine and brie there xxx

@beachbum85 Thank you :) I just want the scan over with now to be honest. We have a friend who has been experiencing recurrent miscarriage that always happens right at her 12 week scan date, and its just made me feel particularly nervous this time around tbh.

That would be fantastic if you could just get going on this cycle! Very much hoping this is the frostie for you. Feel like we're due another BFP on this board 🤞🤞🤞 Think we'll give it a good bit of time until we decide what to do with the remaining frostie. Sort of wish it'd worked out that we had no frosties left when I got pregnant so we wouldn't have to make that decision! We also need to make a decision about donor sperm as well, as we have some donor sperm in storage at the ESB, and if we don't want to use it, we can essentially 'give it back' to the ESB. I know our donor is now closed to new families, but I know there is a 'waiting list' of families who already have a child from the donor who are looking for more straws for siblings. I just want to be very very sure that we are totally done though before making these kind of decisions.

Thank you @beachbum85 fingers crossed you can do your transfer this cycle and that this is the one

@Olivia199 that's a great number

@2mumlife good luck with the scan. Your poor friend - those types of things always freak me out and worry me.

@Bobbin83 wishing you lots of luck

@Overlyanxious yeah it’s really made me feel more hesitant. In general I feel much more sensitive to pregnancy loss I think since having my DD.

@Bobbin83 good luck tomorrow! Sending all the vibes.

@2mumlife hoping scan day comes around quickly and all looks great. Regarding other families waiting for the sperm, I don’t know exactly how it works but maybe they could have bought more at the start? Even if they couldn’t have, don’t concern yourself with that until after your baby arrives (and then not as your big priority obviously).

@beachbum85 oh fingers crossed you can go ahead now. My clinic had said we could go ahead but logistically this cycle would have been impossible. I’m hedging my bets and booking ultrasound scans for next month in case we can do our FET then.
Let’s hope you don’t need to do another fresh round (at least not for baby #2!)

@Overlyanxious hope this time around will go well. There is a saying ‘new house, new baby’ (which I think is rather annoyingly implying that people get pregnant because they are having sex all over their new house). But anyway hope the saying is true for you.

@Olivia199 sit back and relax now, that’s a great bunch of embryos for your future plans.

I hope I haven’t missed any of those who are active on the thread right now. I am a mix of impatient to go again and reluctant to experience another BFN soon, it has left me feeling rather bruised emotionally but the impatience is winning.

@daisypizza Oh yeah there is no limit how much of the do or sperm you can buy. The straws we have in storage we bought when I was pregnant with DD as we’d used all the straws we originally bought TTC, and we wanted an insurance plan in case the Frosties we had didn’t work, as we were really keen to have a sibling with the same donor

Its definitely hard the impatience but not wanting to deal with disappointment x

@2mumlife I totally understand about wanting siblings from the same donor - it wouldn’t be possible for me with my egg donor and I think if it doesn’t work out we wouldn’t use another donor. That’s how we feel now though, sometimes when you get to a bridge you thought you would never cross you do it anyway! It’s great that you thought ahead and bought extra sperm, it gives you options and peace of mind.

Thinking of you as you wait for your scan. And hoping your poor friend has a successful pregnancy too.

@daisypizza I must say it’s something I’ve been much more aware of now with wanting a sibling that it’s so much more complicated with egg donors that you have far less certainty/flexibility with siblings which I think is such a shame. I mean you can never garauntee anything but at least donor sperm you can normally get more from your donor if you think about it in advance but you don’t have that option with egg donor as far as I understand you can’t then ask to save extra eggs if they do donate again or anything. I think it’s nice if your donor concieved to have that support of a full sibling, to have someone who can understand you, plus my concern would be if using 2 donors that then children would have different experiences with their donor if they choose to find them, and think it would be really upsetting to watch if 1 had a positive experience and other didn’t if they wanted to contact the donor in the future. It’s such a hard one though if you feel you’d like another baby to complete your family and you don’t have that option, and families work in so many ways. Big benefit I think is that if you had 2 kids and one wanted to know the donor and 1 didn’t that would be easier if they had different donors! I think it’s like anything you don’t really know what you will choose until you’re in the situation. So many moral decisions in IVF to figure out what’s right for your family. Hoping your Frosties work for you 🤞🤞🤞🤞