Oh I'm sorry @Nerdalert. This is so hard. Has a long conversation with a friend last night about how pregnancy/motherhood/fertility is worshipped in a way as though those who can just become pregnant or goddesses, and how unfair this is. I said I felt like Cinderella's ugly sisters cutting off bits if themselves to fit the mould to just be mocked and end up with a bloody shoe as they'd never be the real thing. Got so sad and mad and angry.
My update is that despite the mh problems, my dad being unwell, Olives ( my good lad and best cat in the world) dieing we decided to go ahead and have a 4ab put in after my almost disastrous egg collection. I felt so protective of that little string embryo that had survived most of my eggs being immature, and we went ahead last Monday.
Unfortunately I have no symptoms. David won't let me test until blood test day as he feels it is 'unlucky' but I can feel I am out.
We had two other embryos which died, and one in the freezer of questionable quality. Two from eighteen eggs.
I still don't know why so many were immature as I did everything to the letter.
Glad to see some folk have success, empathise massively with those who don't.