ERA/ALICE/EMMA testing thread 2

[seven201]

Link to the old thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/4187520-era-testing-after-multiple-implantation-failures-anyone-had-it-done?msgid=110302437&utmsource=mentions&utmmmedium=email&utmcampaign=2020-10-19&utmmterm=You+have+been+mentioned+in+a+post&rei=438192#110302437

Welcome to the new thread. Anyone welcome.

@seven201 I know what you mean. It must be frustrating to take unpaid leave and then work through it!! I got frustrated during Covid because work kept saying how they were happy to be flexible and we just had to do what work we could but they never changed any of our actual targets! So we still had to do everything anyway.

You must have been just under 4 weeks when you did the blood test right? So it was still pretty early x

Oof, that does sound annoying! It would be a bit like them observing my disastrous teams lessons and using that for my performance management!

Nearly 5 weeks, but could have been less as I don't know when I ovulated. Should be the right time to show if I was/am pregnant (at that moment) though.

Some interesting chats about work the difficult part is that employment law has not evolved to support people going through infertility treatment. The only protection we get is after the transfer when we are considered pregnant. However the difficult part is everything that came before that! Some employers are putting policies on place to provide some support but many aren't. My workplace doesn't have a policy on it, but I'm a doctor and my managers are doctors. I choose to use my annual leave because I'm worried about the amount of sick days that would soon add up of I didn't.

I managed to change my leave so I can have the day of the transfer off but I didn't want to inconvenience admin or mess patients around too much so I'm going to be super busy on the Thursday and Friday, I'm not sure what to think about that, maybe it's better that I'll be kept busy.

@Gardenlady543 great that you could change your leave. It might be good to be distracted on Thursday and Friday. Distractions are good post transfer!

I think the employment thing is doubly complicated by not necessarily wanting to tell employers something so personal. I actually didn't tell them when I did my FET - I got away with it because I was "working from home" during lockdown but it was pretty stressful.

Glad I've taken all our minds off other stuff for a bit anyway with this chat!

I am lucky in that my workplace have moved to flexible working which means pick your own hours. I am not customer facing so as long as my work is done no one cares when I do it.

Half my department know I’m doing IVF 😂 I just couldn’t handle sneaking around to appointments it was just stressing me out and I also felt like I looked more unproductive even with flexible working (not replying to an email for a few hours etc) so I told my boss that I was doing it, that I would let her know when I was starting a round and during that time I’d be making my hours up in the evening so don’t expect answers in the morning. She was very nice about it. Then about a year ago a promotion came up and I was being pushed to go for it so I had to tell my bosses boss as it was that or pretend I have no ambition. He was very nice about it too. I told two workmates I’m close to in general. Then I moved to a slightly different team a few months ago and they had an important meeting scheduled for when I had a scan so I decided sod it and told my new boss and his boss. Both were lovely about it and actually both text me good luck the day of transfer. I get the clinic to give me a sick note for the day of a procedure and day afterward but I let work know in advance I will be off sick and I think they appreciate it for planning purposes.

That said while I am being completely accommodated and cared about I do really struggle with getting my work done and concentrating so I can only imagine how difficult it is for you all with unsupportive workplaces. It’s very unfair as it’s a medical issue.

Good luck for everyone this week with transfers and scans etc

I've always been very (too!) honest with my immediate boss but he's a good chap and has always said he treats me how he hopes his daughters would one day be treated in the workplace if they were going through something similar. He knows I work hard and do evenings and weekends when needed though

I always took annual leave for transfer day/collection but I've been working with my company (global - very male dominated industry) to bring in fertility treatment leave of 5 days (for men and women) as part of the employee package - unfortunately I will have missed getting the leave but I hope it will ease the stress for my colleagues in the future.

@Janefx40 definitely, and I think the worry about telling a workplace is made worse when there is no policy and you don't know what reaction you'll get. Kellogg's are introducing a policy to support people going through infertility treatment and when it was shared on LinkedIn, some woman compared fertility treatment to having sex! I never knew people were so insensitive. Some people think that they are fertile because they deserve to be and have a right to judge others, like their lifestyle choices mean they're not infertile. But it can happen to anyone.

@Dochas121 that's great that your workplace is so good!

I went to yoga last night, I'm getting an itchy rash over my body which means I'm probably stressed. So decided it was better to break shielding and go there than to let myself get worked up.

I woke up at 1:30am to do my first injection, lol I was like a zombie doing it!

@Gardenlady543 ouch 1:30am is a horrible time to wake! Glad it's done though and you are well on the way.

I see what those women mean although I wouldn't be against someone taking leave for other TTC if it was proving tricky. But obviously people don't get infertility and how invasive and emotionally traumatic it is.

My current rant is that I don't think clinics get how traumatic it is either. We walk into our appointments calmly for the most part so they just see these functioning women and not the emotional trauma we are all feeling. Yes of course it helps if you get the result you are hoping for but the trauma still remains even so!

Yoga sounds good! Important to look after yourself xxx

I haven't told work anything. With my son that was fine as it worked quite quickly, but there was no wfh so that was much harder from the point of view. Now with wfh I've found it pretty easy to sneak off for my many many appointments so far, but it's getting harder as I get busier at work and am expected in the office more. I don't really want to share the details with my colleagues, I feel it puts more pressure on, that they'll be waiting for an announcement which might never come. I feel like people think ivf is a quick fix, particularly middle aged male bosses I expect! I also don't think it would be career enhancing. I think this time though if I do get pregnant I will perhaps tell them at 12 weeks that the path wasn't entirely smooth this time around and sorry if I've been a bit all over the place (I have).

Celebrated anniversary with a sickly sweet mocktail and a few sips of lovely dry wine (v small sips just to taste the joy of it).

Still have a stabbing pain in my stomach, mostly on the right but a bit all over. Could just be trapped wind, or likely side effects from extra high progesterone this time. Obviously praying and daring to hope it's some burrowing activity from one or even better both embryos! I always thought twins / a twin pregnancy would be a bit much but after all this ivf I think I'd be pleased to get the package deal now!

Hope everyone is doing well and anxiety levels are under control. X

@Dochas121 is OTD tomorrow or have I remembered wrong? Do you have a plan for hcg now or will you do a home test?

Hi all,

@Gardenlady543 well done getting up for the injection! The things we have to do!! How are you feeling about the upcoming transfer? People kept saying how exciting to me which didn’t really reflect how I felt! Hope the yoga helped with the stress levels.

@whatcangowrong hopefully the pains are a good thing. I get not telling work if it’s a quicker process. I have been doing IVF since 2019 so it just got to a point where it was easier to tell. That said I’m a bit worried the new team might think I’m taking the biscuit a bit as another girl on the team did IvF but one round at a clinic ten mins walk from work and got pregnant first try whereas I’m travelling abroad and all over the place here, doing multiple rounds, transfers etc under sedation and needing injections in the afternoon so it’s a much bigger impact on my life and my work schedule than for her.

@Janefx40 yes it’s hard not to see the clinics as quite money and numbers driven. Did anyone ever respond to your email complaint?

I’m booked in for a HCG blood test tomorrow. I’m a bag of anxiety and poor DH is too. I feel a bit crampy but also weird almost burning type sensation in my stomach. Could be all the meds!

@VenusStarr @seven201 hope you’re both ok!

Hi everyone, there's loads of messages I've missed! I've been having palpitations for 2 days now, it's really horrible. Just trying to rest. Working from home, I'm just taking regular breaks, currently watching an episode of Superstore with the cat on my lap.
Today is the day that I bled in my 4th pregnancy 💔 so I'm anxious about going to the toilet today as well.

Glad that your results didn't throw up anything surprising @Janefx40 with the clinic closure, are you planning a new year transfer?

@seven201 have you had your hcg results back yet? I hope you're OK.

How are you @Dochas121 are you 9dp5dt today? 🤞 For you for testing.

How are you getting on @Gardenlady543 hope you're not too tired today from your early wake up call.

Hope you're doing well @whatcangowrong xx

I'm sorry @VenusStarr it must be really tough hitting the same timing of the awful experience in the past. 

I'm ok, I set 2 alarms because it was so important to start the progesterone at that time. I even wrote a note in my phone to convince myself I'd done it as I was so sleepy!

@Dochas121 I'm not sure how I feel, I thought I was ok but then I got the itchy rash, so maybe I'm not. I guess right now I'm fine but it's worrying to think how I'll be if this one doesn't work. I'm glad you've got the test booked in for tomorrow 🤞

@Janefx40 I agree about the clinics not realising how stressful it is. My 2 scans this time have been with a nurse that is really nice. I've been treated badly by a couple of the nurses in the past.

@whatcangowrong when is your OTD again?

Sorry to hear you're struggling @VenusStarr. Try and treat this as a clean slate. You've got the meds and the help. You've done everything in your power and you have every hope. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I'm feeling rather less chill about the 2ww today as well. God it's awful isn't it! I am doing my classic googling of when ppl got their earliest bfp even tho I've looked many times before, know it's too early, know the trigger is def still around. And only have one test in the house deliberately!! Gah.

@Gardenlady543 I'm gonna test next Tuesday at 8dp5dt. Officially it's Thursday but I want to do another cycle starting with the bleed if this hasn't worked, so I need a bit of advance warning as to likely outcome so I can get organised for that. Also I never wait the full time. 😬

Glad you're with the nice nurses this time! Transfer coming up soon!

Thank you both @Gardenlady543 @whatcangowrong ❤️ I'm trying to focus on the positives and remind myself that this is a different pregnancy, different protocol etc. My brain doesn't like to let me though! I did look up miscarriage stats and even with my history I got an 80% chance that things will be OK tomorrow, so trying to hold onto that. I'm not ready for it to be over and wish I had a bit longer.

🤞 For you testing next week @whatcangowrong

Glad you're feeling OK @Gardenlady543 good you wrote a reminder to yourself too.

Going to try and relax this evening. Hope everyone is well xx

@VenusStarr sorry about the palpitations.

@Gardenlady543 well done for getting that injection done and not accidentally pressing alarm off and going back to sleep!

@Dochas121 your work place sounds so supportive.

@whatcangowrong obsessive googling is totally unavoidable!

@Janefx40 totally agree. It's like some of the staff have lost all empathy.

No bloody results yet! Sent it off Monday morning. I clicked the "results to be checked by a doctor" option and it's showing as with the doctor for review, so that's causing the hold up! I'm off out for dinner tonight. I too am too honest. My friends know I was doing an ivf round so they've said things like "how was the scan" and as I'm such a crap liar I've told them our news. 2 of the women I'm going to dinner with know already, one doesn't, so I'll be telling another person. But I feel like I'm jinxing it! My rationale is I'd tell them if I miscarried so what's the harm, and I really am the worlds worst liar. Had to tell my technician at work as I teach a practical subject and have to avoid heavy things, but not telling anyone else at work, but I probably should. I told them 4 years ago, then had a miscarriage and then had to un tell them.

@seven201 don't click the doctor option next time, that way you should get the results the day the lab receive the sample.

Lol I set 2 alarms as I was worried I would go back to sleep!!

@VenusStarr thinking of you. What time is the scan. We'll all be rooting for you xxx

@whatcangowrong 2WW is awful. Not surprised you don't feel chilled. Next Tuesday sounds like a good plan

@seven201 can't believe there are still no results! This must be driving you insane. Have a nice dinner tonight. Glad you have supportive friends.

@Dochas121 fingers crossed for the blood test. How soon will you get your results? I thought they only did Wednesdays? Or did you find somewhere else?

X

Thank you @Janefx40 it's 2pm tomorrow xx

@VenusStarr oh wow! I somehow didn't realise the scan was tomorrow! Excellent. Not long now

@VenusStarr I know how hard it is walking into those scans. It takes so much courage. Imagine we're all there walking with you xxx

[quote Janefx40]@VenusStarr I know how hard it is walking into those scans. It takes so much courage. Imagine we're all there walking with you xxx[/quote]
What a lovely message

Good luck today @VenusStarr @Dochas121 and @seven201 (assuming your test comes back..)

Good luck @Dochas121