Continued chat of all things IVF, FET & to feel sane...cycle buddies August/September -

[Bluemeadowbaby]

Hey ladies ☺️

A new thread to continue the one we've maxed out from the FET cycle buddies May/June. Anyone wishing to join no matter what stage you're at we're here to support you along the way.

A little background around me - I have a little boy who's 16mo from my second IVF round in 2019. I'm just embarking (restarting after covid setback) on my first FET cycle with the embryos I have in storage in the hope for baby #2 🤞🏼
I have severe endometriosis, hydrosalpinx tubes which have been removed so my only hope is for IVF to work again. It's been a long old journey but if I can give any hope, faith and a tonne of support to anyone who needs it I'm happy to share my story, updates on my cycle and be there to have a general chin wag ☺️

We've got this! ✨ x

@Bluemeadowbaby How long until OTD?

@Verbena87 "sack of shit" explains IVF treatment PERFECTLY. I keep asking myself what the hell we are doing going for a cycle just before Christmas as another negative test will just put me in a downer. Just me annoyed with clinic that you didn't move their arses so we could have done the transfer last cycle instead and be sitting out December.

@firefly37 What a farse being fined!

Hey @2mumlife OTD is Wednesday, bfn today so I know I'm all out. I've had a hard few days if I'm honest and even though I'm so blessed with my boy it doesn't take the pain of infertility away at all in the slightest. I had a comment made of "at least you have your little boy" man that really hit me in the feels, whilst they were trying to be kind and if anything a little "look on the positive side" it didn't help at all. Yes I do have him and I am so grateful for that, I somewhat feel guilty about that to the point of feeling as though my want is invalid because it's already worked in the past. But yea...it was a shit comment to have received and really knocked me. I'll still fight for the dream, I won't let infertility stop me 💪🏼 x

Big massive hugs. That’s it really, there aren’t any good words. Xxxx

@Bluemeadowbaby... I'm sorry its not better news 😭 what are ur plans should this not work out? The comments about other children are something I get frequently... We are so so lucky to have our two miracles but we are made to feel stupid about wanting another and when my FET failed, some couldn't understand why I was so upset as I had two children!
Anyways I'm sending you hugs and just make sure you stay kind to urself x

@Bluemeadowbaby I'm sorry to hear its not more positive news . I think just everything surrounding fertility is sensitive. Of course you're lucky to have your son, but that doesn't mean you aren't still in the same boat of struggling with fertility, and aren't still hurting just now. If we ever manage to have a child, I'm sure I'll feel just the same wishing and hopind for a second as you do now, as 2 was always our dream.

@Verbena87 @firefly37 @2mumlife thank you ladies ❤️ I'll be sure to stick around. From here I'm itching to go again but of course it's having the funds to do it which this side of Christmas is just a no, so we will see where the new year takes us. I know the follow up consultation takes a while to come through. Not sure whether to go back on the pill to keep endo at bay or let my body have some normality for a bit. But I know in my heart I can't leave the last embryo x

@Bluemeadowbaby we’re onto our last embryo and out of cash as well so I’ll be cycling some time next year. Currently enjoying good single malt and steaming hot baths and trying to focus on having a lovely time with my little boy. And still wishing I was pregnant. Take your time and be gentle. Xxxx

Officially out. I spoke to the clinic...finally after a 4 hour wait and the nurse was so unhelpful. Queried why I wasn't bleeding if it was negative and am I sure it was negative?! 🤦🏻‍♀️ stopping all meds this evening. I asked when I could go again and they just said whenever I want and that I sounded alright, I told her I was really trying to hold it together as I was at a family birthday party and she just said oh okay so you don't need a councillor then? Honestly I feel so annoyed with the clinic like I am just passed off because of a failed cycle. Tbh the whole thing from the word go has been so uncertain with set backs and weird goings on. I wrote an email for the consultant to have a look over and again the nurse asked if I wanted a follow up consultation!!! Yes! I have paid so much of course I do! Stupid woman. Urgh. Sorry for the rant I'm just needing to let it all out. Off to sit in my sofa nest of hate for the evening 😄 x

@Bluemeadowbaby Hope things are better for you today. Have a break over christmas and get going again in the new year.

I'm getting impatient for period to come here so I can get going with next cycle. Really hoping it starts over the weekend

@2mumlife feeling a little brighter today, it's still there with the down feeling and I imagine it won't go away but I'll pick myself up I'm sure. Feeling crampy today just want AF here and out the way too so sending you AF vibes too!
Keeping my fingers crossed for you to get started soon x

@Bluemeadowbaby I'm glad things are feeling more positive. Lets both keep fingers crossed for our AF's soon. On a more positive note here, I've got an interview for the change in job I applied for, so at least I have a distraction now as need to prep!

@Bluemeadowbaby - I am so very sorry its not better news for you :( I do hope you will start to feel better soon and focus on having a lovely Christmas with your little boy. I have been off work sick for 2 months (just back yesterday) and during that time I got all my kids Christmas presents and most of them wrapped so that's my recent win! Sending you a huge squeeze xx

@2mumlife - good news about the job! Much the same as you, waiting for AF so can start my meds again ... hoping it doesn't come until Sunday really as I have to fly to the clinic for day 10 and I don't want my kids to miss a birthday party next weekend!

So, I met my new neighbour today and on chatting I found out her oldest little girl of 3 is IVF ... its so nice to meet a fellow IVFer, we kind of instantly bonded. She was also super lucky and had a natural miracle who is now 1 ... oh to have a natural miracle would be amazing.

xx

How is everyone getting on? Is everyone feeling better?

I finally had my appointment with a specialist to go through my failed rounds of IVF and the doctors was quite positive. He said that my issue is probably that my body doesn't like buserelin (a small number of women don't respond to it) + I need to get the injections going for longer and trigger past day 12 not earlier. Gave me loads to direction for my new cycle that I am taking to the NHS at my next appointment!

I feel positive but also scared that it's not going to work once again!

@firefly37 thank you, I'm getting there. I too busied myself yesterday with a Christmas shop and it really bought home to me how grateful I am to have my little boy and to focus on what I've achieved rather than what I haven't. We went to a toy shop, his little face lit up and he said "ohhh wow!!" That bought so much joy to my heart, I really can't wait to see his little face on Christmas Day. He's 19 months now so I know we will be at a point where he knows Christmas is pretty spesh!
How lovely to of met a fellow IVFer! It brings so much comfort doesn't it and is just nice to know you're not alone. I'm sure you'll make a very good friendship, I love when people cross our paths at a time we need them the most.
How are you feeling being back at work? X

@Francesmalin hey! I'm doing a little better now, I think I'll always feel a bit sad about what happened but need to push forward and remember pain isn't forever, memories are but the pain will hopefully be less raw soon.
Excellent news on the results from your meeting! This is sounding very promising and hopefully with a new plan in place it'll work for you. Sometimes just a tweak can really work wonders. To give a little hope for you, my body needed a little more umph with the meriofert so they gave me one extra vial each dose and it supported me just through that little change. I'm just waiting on my audit now for my own cycle and see what they suggest. I've done a bit of study and found some women with endometriosis seem to have steroids given to support and a lady I know who cycled at the same time as me at the same clinic had this but I didn't 🤔 I know everyone is different with their bodies but it's very interesting how they do each cycle isn't it. When are you hoping to get started? X

Also...anyone else believe in silver linings? I had an email from work yesterday to say I had a lot of holiday hours left which accrued before the end of my mat leave and did I wish to be paid for them? Also been given a performance bonus and there was a company bonus too. So my worries of funds is slightly easing as, literally down to the penny, it's enough to start my FET cycle with last embryo. Could this be a sign?! Or just pure luck...I don't usually get a hand in luck very often 😂 x

@Bluemeadowbaby.... My little girl is just 2 and she's super into "missmas" this year! I'm glad ur finding ur positivity... If we can't change something, as hard as it is, we have to move on xx and yes I believe in the "universe" giving gifts when u need/deserve them! We've had extra cost this cycle (hysteroscopy and extra meds to replace wasted ones) and i was worrying about money... My partner got some amazing overtime where he has earnt enough to cover our flights, accommodation and food in Prague!

So AF is here... Today is day 2 so start stimms tonight! Flights to Prague booked for Monday 29th... Everything crossed.
@2mumlife.... AF?!

@firefly37 aw bless her that's so sweet! Good old missmass 😍🥺 ahh that is amazing! Universe is definitely calling you! Sending you lots of fabulous sparkly sticky embryo dust your way! AF came for me and jeez it's horrible! I've really had to power through this one and I have horrible endo pains just like I used to which is a bit worrying. But I'm hoping it's just because of the overwhelming amount of meds and not because it's back. I was going to give my body a break from meds and pills while I waited for my next cycle but I've taken the pill today as I don't want it to get any worse. I'll speak to the consultant about it when we have the follow up just to see what I need to do before I go ahead next cycle I think x

@Bluemeadowbaby... I hope ur feeling better. When will u speak to ur consultant?

Everything is all over for me... My cycle has been cancelled as I didn't respond to 5 days of stims. I do have follicles but they had barely grown. So much money on medication wasted... We have a Skype meeting with doctor on Tuesday where I'm pretty sure ill be pushed about donor eggs which we won't do.

Hope everyone else is OK x

Hey @firefly37 I am sorry to hear that the cycle it's cancelled. How are you feeling?

Why do you think they'll suggest a donor? Isn't it too fast, too early to say so?

I am good, thanks! I am off on holidays in 10 days and I also just got a new job!!! Starting in 3 months though so let's see what happens between now and then!

Oh @firefly37 😔 I feel so sad reading this and can only imagine the heartbreak you're feeling. Do you know why they may suggest donor eggs?
I had my consultation this morning which went well though I was a little peeved when his first words were "what is the reason you'd like a call today?" Urm hello?! He said there is no reason from what he's reviewed from the audit of the cycle which suggests there is something wrong and if anything it's purely just a case of bad luck. This did give me some sense of calm as I know it's a gamble we take and was slightly reassuring. I asked for his honest opinion, given so much money is put into cycles and emotions too, that should we go for the FET again or am I wasting my time and heart strings? He gave a lot of reassurance around the embryo grading and said the numbers are something many ladies get hung up on but that doesn't necessarily mean a lower grade has less chance as he's seen more lower success than high in his time. I also questioned my endo pain that it was really bad this time and it hasn't been before, he said he expected it to be painful as I'd been given a lot of estrogen however my scans show no cysts on my ovaries (this always indicates my endo growth personally as I suffer with it mainly around that area) and that having surgery to remove it doesn't result in getting pregnant afterwards. He also said no to an endometrial scratch or a change in protocol as having been pregnant before there's still a good chance it can work. Overall I'm happy with the chat today and he's happy for me to go ahead on my next period so here's hoping that little embryo waiting for me is the one 🤞🏼 x

@Bluemeadowbaby... I'm glad you had a positive chat and you must be pleased to be able to go ahead so soon. I'll be routing for you xxxx

I feel positively dreadful and a bit zoned out. I had already booked flights as they were so cheap, we had booked the time off work and were literally ready to go. I never thought I'd fail to respond. I'm so confused... My previous cycles have been gonal f for first and Menopur for second... This time was pergoveris but technically they are all the same thing aren't they?? So probably doesn't make a difference. This was my first short protocol... The other two were long but again I don't really understand the difference and what it does and why... I have a skype with my doctor on Tuesday to discuss. They will mention donor eggs again as they did at the start when my FSH hit 15 in May but in September it was down to 6... I don't understand my FSH either... My AMH is 5 (same as when I conceived my little girl) so why can FSH be high?! I thought FSH went high the lower the AMH... I'm just so confused right now. We have spent just under £2k on meds... Most wasted with some still in my fridge. We just can't spend this sort of money 😕 but I desperately want to get at least to another transfer x

@firefly37 I really feel your frustration in your message and it makes me feel so frustrated for you. How did your consultation go yesterday? I hope you got some of the answers you needed. I wish I could be of more help to you and give a big hug to you in person 💕 x

@Bluemeadowbaby... Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it as I don't really have anyone to talk to in "real life"! My friends and family have never had anything to do with ivf and as much as they try to be supportive, their stock answer is "oh well at least u have ur two". I really feel like a selfish fraud now cos I have two children and I should just be happy with that... It goes without saying that I'm incredibly lucky to have my two beautiful ivf babies that I love more than I could ever express... I just wanted one more child! Is that such a bad thing! Am I not allowed to be upset and angry that my fertility has always been being taken away from me! Rahhhhhhhhh!
So my consultation was a brutally honest 20 minutes with my doctor telling me my lack of response was as a result of getting closer to the menopause... Donor eggs was mentioned briefly but I shut it down and I think they sensed not to mention it again. I kind of argued that my amh level was not as low as alot of other women are sadly facing.. (Im on a Facebook group where I actually have one of the highest amh levels!). The doctor will make some changes to the protocol but due to my low estradiol they are convinced that Pergoveris is right for me (contains LH as well as FSH). Due my aging "fluctuating" fsh levels, they have also suggested one of the best things to do is to get a "day 2 fsh test" with results the same day so that we can ensure a low FSH month before starting stimms. I didn't think that would be possible but I have found a place in London that do it in 4 hrs. They want me to rest my body and start again in the new year.
Interestingly yesterday I had a small bleed with EWCM which indicates that Im nearing ovulation so we have tried the natural way in the hope that maybe the 5 days of LH from stimms may have helped a little eggy along
Anyways, I hope everyone else is doing OK? Anymore updates?
Xx

@firefly37 I totally get that I really do, damn right you should be able to feel grief and longing because how you envision your family to be and then not quite be able to get there (or at least stumble into every brick and hurdle) is the cruellest thing in the world and I'm right there with you in feeling all the feels. I had someone today say the same to me "awww well, at least you have your little boy". Yes I do...but what about the hope and dreams I have too?! Are they discarded because I've "been there done that"? No!! They can all jog on! Your feelings are so valued & valid with me and I'm certain every single one of the ladies on this thread - you fire away to us because we're all right here with you & certainly cheering you on!
Sounds like your consultation had a positive outcome for the planning! It's shocking though isn't it how short their meetings are considering we have so many burning questions. I'm hoping your ewcm is doing it's thing and I'm praying a little natural Christmas miracle is on its way for you! ✨
All is okay here thank you, I feel ready to start my next cycle so I'm giving my body a rest - was going to go back on the pill but I think I do need a bit of a break - and once AF starts I'll ring the clinic. It falls right around Christmas so I imagine the start times won't be until about March/April so we will see 🤞🏼 x

Just catching up on anything after a bit of a break from these boards.

@firefly37 I'm really sorry to hear your cycle got cnacelled, but your clinic sounds like they are trying everything they can to try to maximise chances of a good cycle next time. I Got offered the job I interviewed for which has been really good. I had a SUPER long cycle (even for me), so my AF didn't come until the 1st, just in time to start meds for this cycle. I'll get first lining scan on the 13th, so its just a case of following the med regime and trying to to reduce the stress levels.

@Bluemeadowbaby Fingers crossed this FET cycle is the one for you!