Starting the journey thread 3

[squirrelnutkins1]

Don't want to lose touch so new thread ready x

@girlinajumpsuit welcome and sorry to here that you only got the one but like everyone says it only takes one and I’ve read many threads about people having too quality embryos transferred and resulting in a bfn and then having one of a lower quality and it resulting in a bfp so your not out till it’s test day!!! Fingers crossed for you! Xx

Welcome @Girlinajumpsuit got my fingers crossed for you 🤞

How you feeling @squirrelnutkins1, hope this cycle brings good news for you 💜

@CloudSway fingers crossed for your second results x

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF good news on the scan! 😊

@2fingers22018 How's things with you?

@GreyC thinking if you and your follicles 🤞

I'm just waiting to be allowed to go into the pool for a other swim, third time this week. I also went to yoga and have done 2 walks this week.

Dh opened up last night, he's really struggling since the second mc 💔 he said he doesn't know how to feel. I think being with me this time affected him (and he wasn't with me at the worst part, was downstairs). I asked him if we should try and mark / remember our babies but he said he wouldn't know how and isn't sure he wants a physical reminder. I'm a bit lost as to how we get through this. I know we won't get answers to why our babies have died, 😔 sorry for the maudlin post, I haven't really got anywhere to talk about this. I know we will be OK in ourselves but it's the processing the grief that I don't know what to do. Ugh. X

Aaaggghh just wrote a really long post and it deleted it lol

Hi ladies; so I have some follicles! Not as many as I would have liked but considering my low ovarian reserve I’m pleased to have 5 which are growing nicely.
My right ovary hasn’t done anything basically; just had fluid around it - which she was t sure why or what so the 5 are on my left. But it is quality over quantity and at the age of 28 I hope I have that! was feeling sad about it tbh but DP reminding me that 5 is better than 0. Go back Monday to see what the deal is.

@GreyC 5 follicles is fab! Your OH is wise, this is definitely good news, everything crossed for you

@VenusStarr grief is such an awful thing, the only way to reduce it is to let yourself feel it until it gradually becomes more manageable. I have no idea how you must be feeling or what's best for you, but it seems like a good sign that you are talking to each other, especially if your OH holds it in usually. It's just shit and I'm so sorry, i just hope you find the best way to deal with it that's right for you xx

I don't even have a good reason like some of the rest of you, but I've had a really teary day at work. We got a call yesterday to book us in to see the doctor on 1st Oct which we felt wasn't a great sign as they usually let you call for your own appointments, then today got the results which were even worse, even with 3 day abstinence. He had 0% normal morphology , with bad motility and concentration. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that there's a real possibility that I might not get to have his baby, and all I'd ever worried about before was not being able to get pregnant. Then literally 5 mins later I got photos as my best friend had her baby late last night. I just had one of those full belly messy crys in a meeting room, and now I feel like shit that that was my first response to my best friend of 30yrs having a beautiful child.

I know I'm jumping the gun, but right now it just feels shit 😭

Thanks cloudsway - I’m chuffed definitely - long may it go well!!

It’s completely understanding to react in such ways. My best friend got pregnant first month and she’s having twins. Hit my like a ton of bricks! My DP ended up taking me and the dogs away for the weekend so I could switch off and cry and be sad away from everyone

In regards to your appointment is that with the clinic? Sorry I’ve forgotten whereabouts you are in your journey?

That's such a good idea, although I'd have to get some dogs first (any excuse, I'd live one!). I'm actually away next weekend doing wild camping in the lake district with a couple of good friends, think it might be good for me - distraction, hard work and a giggle all in one. I hope 😬

Yes, we first went to the clinic 3+ months ago, had all the tests and because DHs tests were below average they recommended diet and lifestyle changes. So the fact he has rigidly stuck to it and is now worse is frustrating.

But I've been reading up after googling the crazy long word they used (oligoasthenoteratozoospermia!) and I think they might examine him to check his veins and tubes are all okay. It's just frustrating that we'll be trying to get back to where we were which will take more time, after wasting 3 months. My egg reserve is low so i dont like all this time wasting. Aarrgghhhh.

When is your next step by the way?

Very similar to me and DP’s journey. He has some long work associated with low count and low morphology

So hoping to have my eggs retrieved this week at somepoint!

@VenusStarr sorry your dh is finding it hard! Did you manage to do something nice at the weekend? It is hard to know how to feel I still don’t know how to feel about it and feel bad that we are doing it again but then I think having this to focus on has helped take my mind off it! Big hugs ❤️

@CloudSway sorry you had a bad day o think we all spend our time walking around putting o a brace face and sometimes it jist all gets to much and we crumble it is totally allowed! We are all going through so much.
Your allowed to feel sad for you doesn’t mean you aren’t pleased for your friend! I was a like that with sil but now can’t waot to see my nephew and have snuggles with him! Hope you had an ok weekend!

Hope everyone else is ok?

Nothing much from me have to up my progynova to 3 a day from today and am just counting down to Thursday! X

Hi all just wanted to drop in and say I am still lurking and thinking of you all. Fx and good luck for upcoming cycles/tests/retrievals and transfers. X

@veeboo how are you getting on? X

@CloudsSway ive been weepy alot the past few days aswell its hard to hold it all in until you get home n close the door. Sorry ur OHs results were worse x

Maybe he does have a blockage? Was just thinking after i sent the last message

@2fingers22018 sorry your feeling down aswell! Ac for you this week isn’t it so while I know it’s sad that you are having to go this you are so close to the next stage xx

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF i know ive got alot of other stresses atm aswell and i just feel fed up it seems like a long scarey road ahead

@2fingers22018 aww sorry to hear that well if you need to get anything off your chest we are here for you! Xx

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF thanks hun appreciate it x

Hi everyone, I'm not in a good place at all at the moment, I'm supposed to be 11 weeks today and instead I've spent most of the weekend trying to hold it together and be strong and brave and I just can't do it 💔 I just need this all to stop, it's too painful. I swam 50 lengths today and I should feel proud of myself but I feel nothing. It just passed the time for a bit, everything I do is just passing time.

I'm sorry, I don't want to bring everyone down as some of you have exciting things coming up very soon. I'm sorry some of you are going through anxious times too ❤️ Xx

@finallytakingtheplungewithivf. I am doing okay thanks for asking. Scan is next week. How are you? Is it your tx soon?

So sorry some of you re feeling down. It's so tough.
@VenusStarr I am so sorry you're going through this. You can do it. Well done for getting out and going swimming. Thinking of you and use this board to rant as much as you need. That's what it is for.

@venusStarr why are you trying to hold it together you need to get all the grief out and allow yourself to feel what ever you feel! I know what you mean though I should be nearly 17 weeks and it is hard when I think about so I do try not to. We are here when you need us though!

@veeboo exciting times and airing for the scan then but I bet it seems like a long wait! I’m ok thankyou just exhausted with the fet process seems to really take it out of me but scan on Thursday and hopefully transfer is the week after all being well!

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF because we were at dh's godson's first birthday party on Saturday, surrounded by lots of children and parents who I don't know well. I did burst into tears on the way home. We were out yesterday at an event and one of my friends did come up, who knows, hugged me and I had a cry into a cup of tea then, again lots and lots of other people who I don't know around us. I'm ashamed of this miscarriage, I don't want false pity, I just want my baby. I'm tired of grieving, I'm tired of crying. I'm just tired 😢 I just want everything to stop and to not hurt anymore. I've barely stopped crying today and I don't feel good, keeping it in hurts but so does letting it out.

@VenusStarr sorry OH is struggling ☹️ I'm glad he opened up to you tho, it's often really hard for men to. Biggest of hugs to you xxx

@Girlinajumpsuit welcome! Sorry you're here but we're a nice bunch 😊

@GreyC 5 is great! Yay!

@CloudSway so sorry you've been feeling so crap. It's not a bad thing to feel sad or cry, it doesn't mean you're not happy for your friend. It's def hard news to get tho 💔. Big hugs. How are you today? Sorry about the results too 😕

@veeboo hi 👋🏻 how are things going?

@2fingers22018 hugs x

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF keep us posted!

I'm due on on Wed. I felt a bit twingy late last week and a little bit today so I don't think it's going to be my month ☹️

6 follicles today; one on my right with a septum whatever that means! Can’t remember sizes but hoping for that one amazing egg that is determined to stay & so it’s job
Retrieval thursday.

@GreyC oooh exciting!! Keep us posted!