New year, new 'starting the journey' thread

[CloudSway]

I know there are a lot of threads about people starting out, but they were all started a while ago and everyone seems a lot further ahead these days.

So.... newbies unite?

DH and I have been ttc for 2yrs. Saw our gp who ordered blood tests and sperm tests. He gave us a boat load of info..... jokes, he was pants. Told me I was 'fine' and husband was 'not fine', only detail was that DH has 4mil out of a necessary 16mil sperm, mentioned ivf and referred us to a specialist. That's all the info we got. Today I had a transabdominal and transvaginal ultrasound. It was not the most fun 20 mins of my life but it was fine, now I'm trying to play Sherlock and figure out what the random numbers the radiologist was shouting about my ovaries meant. How about you?

Because I'm early stages, I avoided forums/Google etc because I'm prone to anxiety and didn't want to panic unnecessarily. Therefore apologies but I'm still trying to figure out all the abbreviations and lingo! Also sorry, I'm naturally sarcastic and a bit sweary, but that doesn't mean I'm insensitive - it would be great to share stories and support each other here

Thanks girlies. I've had chest pain since yesterday and Dr Google says it can be caused by grief 💔
I've got some very very light spotting so I don't know if AF is on her way on if it's ovulation spotting, but I've never had that before so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️
I also feel completely exhausted and just want to be in bed all the time. Think maybe I should take up works offer of an occy health referral. Seems a couple of you have found it useful.
Sorry to be on a downer today.

All the best for those testing, eek! Xx

@Kelly199 argh! Don't tell me! 🙉 I'm taking tissues!! Stocked up on sweets top, it is 3 hours! 😊 Xx

@squirrelnutkins1 I think seeing occupational health would be good, even just for someone to talk to about what happened. The grief is physical, I never knew it could be. The exhaustion could be part and parcel of the grief but maybe worth getting checked out by your GP or practice nurse? How long ago was your miscarriage? Physically in that sense I'm not really experiencing that (mine was 3 weeks ago now) it could be your hormones settling or your bloods are out of balance, like low iron or something?

Have you tested since your miscarriage? Might be worth it just to check? I hate the unknown and a lot of it is me just guessing.

Hope you can get some rest this evening 💜 xxx

@squirrelnutkins1 aww no!! Be sure to go to gp if you're worried about the pain. Not worth leaving if you get more concerned.
Not sure about the spotting as I've never had anything like that before to give you any advice 😕 sorry.
I would 100% take up the offer with work. I think it would be good for you to have someone to talk to and let everything you're thinking/feeling known to a healthcare professional who can help you through the grief process. You can always cancel if you're not up for it or if you find after going a couple of time it's not for you, then you don't have to keep going. I definitely think it's worth going at least once and see how you feel about going again.
Don't be sorry for feeling down, you've been through a lot. Sending hugs ❤️ xx

@VenusStarr I know it's really long! Don't worry, I'm not one to spoil things!! 🙄😂 wish someone hadn't for me!! So annoying. Hope you'll enjoy xx

Thanks for the support girls ❤️❤️❤️ @Kelly199 @VenusStarr

@squirrelnutkins1 always here if needed ❤️❤️

I'm so sorry about your bird, she sounds like she was a real character, and any animal who shares you home is family so you should let yourself grieve and know it's ok x

@squirrelnutkins1 I'm going to jump on the band wagon and say talking to someone is worth a go. You have to go a few times to get over the awkwardness of telling your uncensored feelings to a stranger, but I've done it and it made a world of difference. Hubby tried and hated, so don't beat yourself up if it's not for you either, but talking to someone is the right thing - it doesn't matter who, as long as you can be open without worrying what they think. Hope tomorrow is better for you x

@venusstarr going to admit to being that complete loser who saw it at midnight 🤓 lol no spoilers here but def take tissues, and if you are keen on marvel it is absolutely chokka with great moments and surprises as well as the token sad bits! Hope you love it! (Mostly so it's not just me 🙈)

@CloudSway thank you. I find it really hard because I'm such a private person. Wish I wasn't but it's just the way I am, I've always played my cards close to my chest. I told another friend last night so a grand total of 2 know and oh has told one person. It did make me feel better to be honest. I think in a way telling a stranger may suit me better because I won't worry about them telling other people and I should be able to be absolutely honest about how I feel. I've never done anything like it before but think it'd be wise to give it a go xx

@squirrelnutkins I totally get the being a private person but sometimes it can do more harm then good! Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying talk to everyone but just talking can really help. So like others have said give it a try and if you don’t like it then you don’t gave to do it again!! ❤️ Xx

@cloudSway thank you she was full of character the house is so quiet without her now! But I am ok xx

Hope you all have a nice weekend xx

@squirrelnutkins1 I understand what you mean as I'm quite private, that's why I like speaking my mind on here! Although, I do tell my close family members certain things.
You can always not bother if you didn't like it. Hope you're ok today xx
@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF hope you're ok. Sending hugs xx

I think I'm out this cycle anyway ladies, looks like the start of af!!
Hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

@kelly199 thanks chick!

Oh no really! I’ve had my fingers crossed for you all week aswell! Be kind to you’re self!! Big hugs xx

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF aww thank you ❤️ Never mind, hopefully next cycle will be my lucky one! Xx

@kelly199 Bugger. Like you say, fx for next one. I normally reward myself with a guilt free glass of wine, what's your poison?

We are handling it by pretending there's no point trying with OH sperm count, but then giggling when I'm suddenly feeding him salmon 5 days a week because someone mentioned they were told by a doctor that it would help. But it's hard because I've felt like crap the past week, cramps, bloated, crazy dreams, feeling sick every other evening, and it's just so unlikely but can't help wondering if it's a bfp. For our mental health we only check 5 days after due date as my af is wildly irregular and when we test early we don't trust it and end up doing like 8 and then it's heartbreak 8 times instead of just once. Af due friday ish 😬

@squirrelnutkins1 Sounds like you're going in with an open mind, all you can do 🙂 glad to hear talking just to one or two people has helped, you are super brave! 🏆

@CloudSway I'll probably eat crap all day lol!
Aww, it's so hard. You try and stay strong, but really we're really hurting inside!
Sounds promising! I would definitely wait though as I have tested early and have built myself up just for disappointment. I've learnt my lesson now. Next month, I'm going to try and wait for testing (unless I'm having loads of symptoms that indicate a bfp, then I think I'll cave) 😂
Really wish you the best of luck and hope that you'll have your bfp!! Fingers crossed for you xx

Sorry to hear that @Kelly199, brand new cycle, fingers crossed 🤞

@CloudSway I didn't like the film 😔 there were bits I liked and I did shed a small tear but without spoiling it for anyone yet to see or lurking, it left me feeling flat. It was a bit predicable and no stand out, shocking moments. I expected more.

@CloudSway back to ttc (!) fingers crossed for you!

@squirrelnutkins1 I was apprehensive before my first counselling session but it was nice to talk to someone who didn't know me. Just see how you get on. Hopefully if you go through work it will be fairly quick. I'm hoping to have an appointment within a couple of weeks. My nhs referral has taken 6 months so far!

I've spent far too much time googling pregnancy after miscarriage 🙄 I can't seem to control myself or switch off. In reality if I was pregnant now I'd be so anxious and worried. Maybe once I get my period I can focus a bit more. Hate feeling so out of control of my body.

Hope everyone has a good day xxx

Sorry to hear that @Kelly199. Hopefully next cycle will be more predictable and familiar to you. Sending positive thoughts

@VenusStarr I understand that feeling. You and your body have been through so much. Hope you have managed to do something relaxing. I've slept alot today, been totally wiped out.

@CloudSway think we will be testing within a few days of each other. Think I'm going to test Sunday morning.

Hope everyone is okay xx

@veeboo Think we may actually both be testing next Sunday as my calendar has predicted Friday based on my last cycle which was 30 days, but I can be anywhere from 24 to 31 so probably won't wait until 5 days after due on a 30 day prediction. I wish I wasn't getting hopeful, maybe part of me would just like an explanation for why I feel crap lol then can stop analysing what I'm eating! Fingers crossed for you, toes crossed, eyes crossed 🙂

That gives me a reason not to test earlier too @CloudSway. Just out of interest, sorry if you've said this before but do you use opks? My cycles have been slightly random too but the last 4 months my period has always come 13 days after my positive opk so a 12 day luteal window. Once I worked that out it was easier to predict when my period was due.

@veeboo no i actually havent used them before, when we first started ttc I got super caught up in thinking if we weren't properly trying then we couldn't be failing so i just came off the pill and went for it, lol yes i have issues! 🤪 now if someone had pointed out I could figure out when my ridiculous af would turn up I'd have been all over it! How often do you have to test? Sunday it is!

I use the clearblue ones as I find them easier to read but internet cheapies are fine once you get used to reading the lines. I start around day 11 as my shortest cycle has been 27 days. I test once a day and then twice once it gets darker. Clearblue you use in the AM but i/c are best late afternoon I think.

Basically last year my cycles were all over the place. December-Feb they were 27 or 28 days with a 12 day luteal phase worked out through opks. In March my HSG knocked ovulation on a week but the opks spotted it and my luteal phase was still 12 days. Without them I probably would have thought I was late/pregnant.

They also really help us as we don't/can't have sex every couple of days. I'm sure a fee of us who use them can support if you decide to give them a try.

@VenusStarr @veeboo thank you ladies!
Wish you the best of luck!

Hope everyone is ok and had lovely weekend xx

I'm going to sign off for the rest of the week ladies and come back on the weekend when I'm ready to test. I'm starting to feel a bit obsessive and anxious. I think I might not actually test now unless I'm late. Hope everyone is okay this week.

@veeboo thanks for the info, that's really interesting, think I've been converted! Going to buy some for next cycle, just going to shop around see where I can get them cheap. Expect questions! Lol.
I was looking for reasons to justify testing early (like I do every month, but really shouldn't) and realised I've got a follow up internal US on Saturday, but af due fri 🙈 what a moron. So going to have to postpone, when it was supposed to be 6 weeks after the first one, and that was 22nd Feb..

@kelly199 not bad, how was your weekend, how have you been?

@CloudSway when I had my internal ultrasound they did it when I was on my period. It might depend what it's for, they wont do a smear test for example, but if it's a scan and not a test it may be fine.