Babies in the waiting area...

[meadowlark3]

What do you think about babies in the waiting area of your clinic? A couple came to our clinic and brought their small toddler (perhaps 18 months) and the baby played and babbled in the main waiting area. It seemed to make lots of other patients quite uncomfortable.

It surprised me to see a small child running about and wondering what others think.

xx

*So really it's just another thing for mums to feel guilty about, isn't it? Damn us for daring to get pregnant and then raise our children amongst those (sadly) can't.

Like having terminations are also an insult to those who can't get pregnant. We just cannot do anything right, can we? Selfish and shoving it in your faces whatever we do.

As sorry as I am for those who are having difficulty conceiving, the world cannot stop turning for those of us who have children.*

We're talking about infertility clinics here

We're not asking that shopping centres or supermarkets or ANY public space be sensitive to the needs of those of us who can't have children

We're asking infertility clinics to try and show some degree of sensitivity to why the women sat in that waiting room are in there is the first place

We're not asking the world to stop turning

We're asking the clinics to show an ounce of consideration for the women who are dying inside because they're likely never going to be mothers

That the clinics respect that the place where infertile women go to have their dreams smashed to smithereens when yet another cycle fails, isn't the place for women with DC to be running around in the same room

We wish those lucky enough to have got pregnant every success. But don't blame us for feeling like our hearts are breaking thousand times over when we're in an infertility clinic and the success we will never have is dangled right under our noses

We get that every day everywhere and don't begrudge anyone. Consideration for one. Single. Place. Would be appreciated.

Thanks also to coming onto the infertility board and chastising us for our deep and aching sadness about our infertility ON MOTHER'S DAY

I can still be heartbroken when someone brings a child into a waiting room of course you can, no one has said that you can't.

That waiting room is for infertility treatment only and where there wer couples present I felt that the father should have stayed outside or in the general waiting area with the baby. So no support for mum then? She should have to face whatever she is there for alone, just because she already has a child? What if she needs to have her eggs collected because she is about to undergo cancer treatment?

Infertility can bring out your ugly side Yes, you are correct there. Plenty of ugliness being aimed at mothers for having a child.

The comment that fertility clinics are when only "barren woman" go is incorrect. There are many infertile men. Many clinics freeze sperm and eggs for those undergoing cancer treatment, some of those people may already have children. Some clinics offer treatment for endometriosis, some reverse tubal ligation and vasectomies...

Unfortunately we live in a "me, me, me" society and many people think their personal convenience/wishes trump any consideration for others. just as those who have no wish to see children at a fertility clinic think their situation trumps those who are unable to find childcare? Forcing us to leave our children when we can't/don't want to is quite "me me me" isn't it?

I got pregnant very soon after emigrating. I had met people, but didn't know anyone well enough to leave my child with them. So she had to come to all my pregnancy related appointments. I was under hospital care after a high risk first pregnancy, and the waiting room was shared by women undergoing all sorts of issues. I took my daughter out of convenience, if anyone took that to mean I was rubbing anything in their faces, then the problem lay with them, not my child.

I have a very good friend who has never conceived, and I struggled to conceive my first, so I know something of what it is like. I never for one moment thought, or even expected that those fortunate enough to have children should spend their lives making accommodations for me. It wasn't their fault that I wasn't pregnant, and it certainly isn't anyone's here that some of you are struggling.

As a parent, and a woman who chose to have a termination, I am fed up being told I need to make allowances. I have utter sympathy for you all, I really do. My life can't stop/change though.

As a parent, and a woman who chose to have a termination, I am fed up being told I need to make allowances. I have utter sympathy for you all, I really do. My life can't stop/change though.

So why are you on the infertility boards slagging off barren couples on mother's day?

Your life can't stop or change.

You can't not bring your DC to an infertility clinic. Fine

So why the hell could you not come into the infertility board ON MOTHER'S DAY to rip us a new arsehole for struggling to cope with the devastation that we will in all likelihood never be mothers

We wish those lucky enough to have got pregnant every success. But don't blame us for feeling like our hearts are breaking thousand times over when we're in an infertility clinic and the success we will never have is dangled right under our noses That's just it, I don't blame you at all...you cannot control your feelings. But you cannot blame us either, and really, it is not that easy to get childcare. You really don't get a team of 24/7 workers falling at your feet the moment you have a child.

No one likes that they may be "rubbing your face in it" but that is a hell of a position to put us in, and accusing us of that is nasty in itself.

So why are you on the infertility boards slagging off barren couples on mother's day?

I am not slagging anyone off, I am taking part in a debate on a board that I frequented a lot before I had children. I am not allowed to do that, either?

I haven't slagged anyone off, I haven't "torn anyone a new one"

It isn't mothers day where I live, so (genuine) apologies for not being on the ball with that one.

Some people are obviously more considerate than others. Failure to arrange childcare I (grudgingly) understand though have no experience of.

Some people are not so considerate: after returning to the fertility clinic after the stillbirth of my precious ICSI miracle, I was faced with a woman, her child and her mother in the waiting room. As the clinic was opposite a park and next to a few cafes, it was a sunny day, and there was clearly childcare available, I have no idea why I and other uncomfortable ladies had to endure said child running around and listening to Peppa Pig loudly in a tiny waiting room while the woman went off and had her appointment. Added distress to an already traumatic process.

Love to all others finding this Mother's Day tough

I only realised it was Mothers' Day after you said it, truly sorry 💐💐💐

I am barren, multiple ivfs and still no child. I can understand that sometimes getting childcare is impossible. What I can't understand is the complete lack of sympathy from some of you towards the less fortunate of us here

Don't think many clinics have restrictions, presumably because, on balance, like other healthcare providers, they put consideration for patients who have DC (eg childcare notice/availability/costs, possibility of people not seeking treatment or missing appointments due to childcare issues) over consideration for those who don't have DC and mind seeing them in waiting rooms.

If clinics don't bar DC, it's unfair to be cross with women for attending with DC.

Also, you just don't know the situation or what they're going through.

I guess private clinics could ban children (but wouldn't necessarily choose to if they meant people on their 2nd assisted conception would go elsewhere) but given NHS clinics might well include "emergency" collections pre cancer treatment or similar they might be less likely to do so.

Freezing sperm (and I assume eggs but this is harder to arrange due to time taken and balancing risks of hormones) is important as it gives a couple hope, hope that "after" might actually be a thing they have - that the affected person has a future to plan for.

In this position the "emergency" childcare has to be saved for the actual 'emergency'. I only went to those appointments where we were both needed (for signature/discussion purposes) - otherwise I waited in the car or hospital cafe. Obviously I had to wait for those in the relevant waiting room with my 6 mo.

I think some people on this thread need to calm the fuck down. Not everyone has childcare options, so taking their child to a clinic like this is the only option, either that or don't go. Or are people with a child already less deserving of fertility treatment?

As someone facing secondary infertility myself, and having had several miscarriages, where I've waited in waiting rooms with pregnant women, and some with children with them, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm also happy for my friends and family who have children and no problem conceiving.

Those who are horrified at the sight of a toddler best not step outside their house at all, I've heard they let children in the supermarket

I don't see why they can't have two waiting rooms and only let kids in one

I repeat my previous post. Thank you for such incredible sensitivity in telling those of us who cannot have children to "calm the fuck down' on mother's day.

"We're talking about infertility clinics here

We're not asking that shopping centres or supermarkets or ANY public space be sensitive to the needs of those of us who can't have children

We're asking infertility clinics to try and show some degree of sensitivity to why the women sat in that waiting room are in there is the first place

We're not asking the world to stop turning

We're asking the clinics to show an ounce of consideration for the women who are dying inside because they're likely never going to be mothers

That the clinics respect that the place where infertile women go to have their dreams smashed to smithereens when yet another cycle fails, isn't the place for women with DC to be running around in the same room

We wish those lucky enough to have got pregnant every success. But don't blame us for feeling like our hearts are breaking thousand times over when we're in an infertility clinic and the success we will never have is dangled right under our noses

We get that every day everywhere and don't begrudge anyone. Consideration for one. Single. Place. Would be appreciated."

But these places - the fertility clinic, or specialist miscarriage clinic - aren't claiming to be a place without DC. These places have lots of service users who have one or more DC, or pregnant women, eg who need treatment during pregnancy. If you're arguing that children shouldn't be allowed in those clinics, fair enough, but the service providers must, though I'm sure sympathetic to people finding seeing pregnant women and DC upsetting, disagree.

I avoided taking DC1, but was lucky to have childcare and money.

Banana I think using words like disgusting and sickens me are a little hysterical.

Don't get me wrong, I get it, the road to having my ds was all but easy and now I'm going through much the same again in my attempt to have another. But guilt tripping parents will not change it or make me feel better. So I stand by my comments.

Eminybob - you really think the supermarket statement is required or appropriate?
As I said in my earlier post, I am genuinely amazed at the lack of understanding & empathy from some people.
Neither those without children, or those suffering secondary infertility 'want' to be in those waiting rooms, I think it's clear they all anyone wants is a little understanding of others feelings & situation

No one likes that they may be "rubbing your face in it" but that is a hell of a position to put us in, and accusing us of that is nasty in itself.

No it isn't nasty.

Coming on a thread on an infertility board on mothers day is quite nasty and unnecessary.

*Coming on a thread on an infertility board on mothers day and trying to guilt those that are having a tough day, today of all days, is quite nasty and unnecessary.

Ok maybe I just don't get it.
I've had some pretty dark moments in my ttc experience. I've had my tears and my anger. But I really really can't see why seeing a child on the street on my way to work is any different to seeing a child in a waiting room for a fertility treatment. I can't.
They are equally a reminder of my body's inadequacies but I get up and crack on with it.

But I really really can't see why seeing a child on the street on my way to work is any different to seeing a child in a waiting room for a fertility treatment. I can't.

It is very different. I was a teacher so used to see children all the time. Seeing children in the waiting room of a fertility clinic was very different.

Well like I said, I don't get it.
But we are all different and are upset by different things.

Sorry if I have offended anyone.