Babies in the waiting area...

[meadowlark3]

What do you think about babies in the waiting area of your clinic? A couple came to our clinic and brought their small toddler (perhaps 18 months) and the baby played and babbled in the main waiting area. It seemed to make lots of other patients quite uncomfortable.

It surprised me to see a small child running about and wondering what others think.

xx

But I really really can't see why seeing a child on the street on my way to work is any different to seeing a child in a waiting room for a fertility treatment. I can't.

Really? It's often a very emotionally charged place where your fertility issues are front and centre in the way that walking down the street or being in a supermarket aren't.

But I really really can't see why seeing a child on the street on my way to work is any different to seeing a child in a waiting room for a fertility treatment. I can't.

Because the anxiety about never ever becoming a mother is at its peak when you're at the clinic having treatment

Because the entire reason you're there is because you can't have children. You go on the street to get from A to B. You only come into a fertility clinic because you can't conceive, for whatever reason

Because in a place for infertile couples, it's a reminder that you're the most infertile of the infertiles

Outside of the clinic you learn to put on your brave face everywhere you go

Inside the clinic is when you're at your most vulnerable.

I'm on the fence with this one. I understand how you feel (been there), but sometimes there's no alternative. We had to take DS in as we both had to sign some paperwork urgently, and we had no childcare available.

Bowling in late to this one.... the thing is IVF isn't emergency treatment. If you're having treatment at a private clinic, you know it's coming up. It's not like you wake up one day feeling sick so need to see a doctor. You've generally waited weeks or months to get to this stage. So it's not beyond the wit of (wo)man to line up childcare around it. Yes - you need 1 hr appointments and yes no one knows exactly when they'll be. But you have an idea of it. It's not exactly a shock!

icy you have a good idea of your start date but beyond that I certainly didn't get a lot of notice of appointments, which were frequent (often daily). My egg collection took place 8 days later than initially planned (and DH had a surgical sperm retrieval at the same time) so emergency childcare would have been used for that rather than the short scan appointments. It is entirely unreasonable to expect DH to take 3 weeks off work when the alternative is occasionally you might have to take your child with you to a brief appointment.

Yeah it's total crap. Like being wheeled down from the gynae ward when your ovaries are failing to maternity unit for an ultrasound

Some of Those who have had their babies are disgustingly insensitive.

God of feelings? What are you 5..
How can you say you think something is pretty dreadful yet attempt to berate me for say some people are insensitive?

Maybe this is an agree to disagree situation?
Some people with fertility problems are mortally offended and disgusted by it, some are ok with it.

Clearly no right answer.

I don't have a problem with it at all.

If someone is endeavouring to become a mother but then judging a mother for bringing her child to an appointment, then I think she needs to perhaps re evaluate what she's doing.

I'm very fortunate to be in a position of genuinely not wanting to have children. I have no business being on this thread but I want to comment on the above statement. Shame on you @Blinkyblink. That is by far the most insensitive, crass and cuntish statement I've ever seen on this site.

@welshweasel but I would think 'during this period I'm going to be stimming, there will be many tracking scans so what I'm going to do is use this advance notice to arrange appropriate short term childcare, recognising that this may involve explaining to 3rd parties (childminders etc) that I'm having fertility treatment'.

That's me. I'd do that because I feel that brining your baby into a clinic full of barrens is obnixious. Other people don't see the issue clearly, and judging by the basket of toys in the waiting room at my clinic, there are LOADS of them.

What I also fucking objected to as well was sitting in waiting room for FET, consultant was running late anyway, I'd just had the morning from hell as the first two Frosties failed to thaw properly and there was an hour between each thaw and a result, so 3 hours+ of hyperventilating and fear and tears. OH was in US on business (hadn't planned to be but fresh cycle ended in OHSS).... and the consultant got fucking DELAYED BY TAKING A PHOTO WITH A NEW MUM WHO'D BROUGHT THE BABY IN OUT IN RECEPTION and nurses loudly all fucking cooing. That pissed me the fuck off. A fucking photo was not a priority there and then. there was no reason for this woman to rock up apart from to have the photo. No appointment, no follow up. Just a loud photo whilst the waiting room is stuffed full of tear-stained, over-adrenalined barrens. Morons.

Yes it's fairly easy if you use childcare on a regular basis but what about a SAHM? Not everyone has loads of friends or family they can call on to look after their child every other day for a couple of hours. I'm sure no one brings their kid along for a fun day out, just occasionally out of necessity. Anyway, won't be an issue for me as we aren't having any more treatment.

If someone is endeavouring to become a mother but then judging a mother for bringing her child to an appointment, then I think she needs to perhaps re evaluate what she's doing

Thanks for that. Ironic you are saying that others shouldn't judge yet doing that yourself.

I'm very fortunate to be in a position of genuinely not wanting to have children.

Then with respect, you have absolutely no idea as to what it is like.

Oh Piglet that comment was made by someone else. I was commenting on the hatefulness of it but forgot to bold it

I've taken my DS back to the IVF clinic he was conceived at a few times. Just to say thank you and drop off a card, a tin of biscuits or some chocolates for the staff. Took him when he was just a few weeks old so all the staff could have a cuddle. Then when he was able to walk and talk a bit. I would like to do this periodically, I'm always greatful for the work they do.

I have tried to go at times when I know they have less people, outside of the normal window for blood tests and before they start the afternoon session for egg extraction. I want to be sensitive to others but also show my appreciation.

Again, it can be really hard - and costly - to get childcare.

Nurseries, nannies and CMs in London are often fully booked, so if you're a PT worker (eg 3 days a week) your usual childcarer often won't be able to help if appointments fall on the days you're off work.

Travel time to the clinic I attended was around 90 minutes from home, and waiting time after the appointment time often 30 mins.

Ad hoc babysitting in the daytime was hard to find in London IME. Services like sitters send people you've never met each time, which many people aren't comfortable with for very young DC.

I've restrained from posting on here but some of the latest posts have made me so angry.
I'm one of the lucky ones with secondary infertility. Yes that's right, lucky. Because unlike some of the ladies here we won the stupid bloody lottery of fertility treatments once. Yes on occasion organising childcare is expensive and challenging but not once would I dream of taking my daughter to our clinic. Even in the one situation where we both needed to sign paperwork we rotated which of us was sat outside in the car.

And you know the whining of it's expensive gets my goat too. Ivf isn't cheap so if you can afford that you can afford childcare. And if you can't then maybe you shouldn't be there in the first place.

Seriously the lack of sensitivity to the ladies on here who would chew their right arm off just to have the dilemma of where to leave their child is fucking mind blowing.

beanhunter. Thank you.

So your anger is directed towards other women/parents who bring DC, not towards the clinics, that make the policies for their services?

I didn't take my DC to the clinic either, but as well as sympathy for women there without DC who find seeing DC or pregnant women in that environment upsetting can understand why some people bring DC along, as the clinics generally permit.

I did attend myself when visibly pregnant, for treatment.

It's not a given that being able to pay for private treatment (private/NHS fertility clinics are not just for IVF, and prices start at a few hundred pounds for a consultation, blood tests etc) means people can afford childcare, or that childcare is available ad hoc. Perhaps they might not be able to afford childcare BECAUSE they're paying for treatment.

Coming on a thread on an infertility board on mothers day and trying to guilt those that are having a tough day, today of all days, is quite nasty and unnecessary. The thread wasn't started on mothers day, it isn't (or wasn't) mothers day where I live, and there is plenty of nastiness from those who think that mothers need to make every accommodation they are asked of around childless couples/women.

banana was VERY vocal, and imo rude towards mothers just a few posts in on this thread, so I am sorry, but you now cannot ask for special allowances, accusing us of slagging you off, or of "tearing you new ones" because it happens to be mothers day. People are entitled to answer your posts with their opinion, just as you are entitled to. But please stop pretending that the nastiness is one sided.

You've generally waited weeks or months to get to this stage. So it's not beyond the wit of (wo)man to line up childcare around it. Yes - you need 1 hr appointments and yes no one knows exactly when they'll be. But you have an idea of it. It's not exactly a shock! And what if that help lets you down at the last minute? Like you said, you could have waited months for that appointment, and will likely get charged if you don't attend. What do you suggest then?

And you know the whining of it's expensive gets my goat too. Ivf isn't cheap so if you can afford that you can afford childcare. And if you can't then maybe you shouldn't be there in the first place. IVF is expensive as you know, many couples break the bank trying to get pregnant, and therefore affording childcare IS an issue as every spare penny is thrown at getting a successful cycle. And or paying the debt you accrued in doing so. yet you think if you can't afford childcare, you shouldn't be trying to get pregnant? And people have the audacity to moan about mothers being selfish??? Having a child is now only for those who can 1] afford child care 2] have babysitters crawling out of their arses!!

Seriously the lack of sensitivity to the ladies on here who would chew their right arm off just to have the dilemma of where to leave their child is fucking mind blowing. The lack of sensitivity toward those who have told you repeatedly that childcare is NOT something that they can pull out of hat is also fucking mind-blowing. The lack of understanding towards those who admit that it is not ideal, the lack of understanding that after trying for X years to conceive & finally having your miracle child, you really don't want to leave your child with someone who is virtually a stranger, is also mind-blowing.

But that's ok..because you are, in your own words "barren"

No one has actually suggested where this ad hoc short notice childcare is supposed to come from? We often can't get a babysitter for an evening with a few weeks notice so the chance of booking agency sitters for a weekday with perhaps 24 hours notice is laughable! I doubt it's a cost thing for the majority of people. I find Mumsnet a bit of a parallel universe sometimes when it comes to childcare, everyone seems to have millions of friends or relatives that can drop things at a moments notice to help out.