Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Morning bip. Just saying I'm here.

Thinking of you and DH today Bip xxx

Thinking of you here too bip, and your daughter. Take care of yourself today. xx

Bip, you don't know me as I post very rarely on mumsnet, but tend to lurk to gain strength, hope and knowledge from you lovely ladies. I've followed your story and shed many a tear. I'm thinking of you and your daughter today. x

Hugs to you bip .

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. That's really lovely. We went to the burial park today & brought her cuddly fox to see the wooden fox who looks after her in the woodland.

That's lovely. Hope it was a peaceful day xx

Bip that's really lovely. for you and your DH.

Bean good luck for Thursday.

The foxes are very lovely.

LOvely pic bip. 💐💐

Bip the foxes are beautiful, she has two wonderful companions watching over her

Blondes I’m so very sorry for the loss of your DH, no words really can do it justice - but so very happy you have found happiness with your partner and that little one is growing beautifully

bean good luck for scan on Thurs

tiger fingers, toes and legs crossed

blue My heart aches hearing about the chain of events that led to the loss of your son. I was told by my private fertility consultant that if I were to stay pregnant, because I have hypermobility syndrome, this can lead to a shortened cervix, so it would be important for this to be measured because of the risk of cervical incompetence. It’s just a simple measurement via dildocam scan, so why this can’t be done routinely without there needing to be a ‘reason’ - why does one have to wait for a stillbirth to THEN find out?! Glad that d/r is proceeding apace - you’ll be stimming in no time!

How are you feeling robber - hope you and DH are doing OK and that upcoming scan will show a beautiful twinkling heartbeat again for you

New job is a contract role, working client side instead of agency side is a dream - civilised hours where people leave at 6pm! I may not be any good at the pregnancy thing, but I am really good at my job, so it’s nice to feel like I’m not a complete and utter failure. Very thoughtful of you to remember my pain issues - yes, things are considerably better on that front. Who knew that an appropriate level of analgesia to achieve reasonable pain control could enable one to be a functional member of society?!

Posted the below on the other thread, apols for c+p, but my utter lack of PMA feels more appropriate here on ‘Failure stories’

Got an invite for a routine smear - it’s been a whole 2 weeks since my cervix has been prodded, clearly it was feeling unloved. Have convinced myself it will come back abnormal, because obvs what else could go wrong etc

Have been emailing clinics and agencies about surrogacy, and have a Skype consult with a Dr at a clinic in the US to discuss further tomorrow. It’s free, so why not. And I’m also curious to see what he has to say about when we draw the line and move on (and what he thinks about my bonkers ovarian reserve issues - and any thoughts on my crappy lining would be a bonus)

We have 5 euploid blasts left, and I’ve mentally set a limit of 2 more before we accept we’re flogging a dead horse with my body and accept that I can’t carry. If we are 2 more transfers down and no baby, then that’ll have been 4 genetically normal embryos we’ll have lost. If I can’t sustain a pregnancy, it would be folly to keep ‘wasting’ perfect embryos, so after two more I think we would have to call it quits and explore surrogacy. We’d have 3 normals left, that have the potential to become people - but if my uterus isn’t up to the job, our best chance of becoming parents would be to transfer into someone else’s

The consensus from the clinics and agencies that have got back to me, is that FDA regulations would permit us to import frozen embryos from the UK for transfer into a gestational carrier in the US. So two more into me, then with a heavy heart it would be following a different path.

I really really hope it doesn’t come to that. Breaks my heart to even think about it - but if it’s our only chance to have a baby, we’re shit outta options…

Such a moving picture bip. A beautiful and heartwarming spot, I love the foxes. Hope you're doing ok.

banana delighted to hear you are bossing your job. I am not surprised! I am crossing everything that your protocol does the job so you don't have to make some of these tough decisions.

Banana I have hypermobility too! Never been officially diagnosed but it was mentioned by a private podiatrist during tests. I have classic indicators such as scoliosis and frequently sprained ankles. This is the first time I've heard of a link between hypermobility and incompetent cervix (during pregnancy, no-one asked). Thank you - I shall look into it.

From what I understand, monitoring is helpful to a degree but as the cervix can go quite suddenly, it's not fail safe, so a preventative stitch may be preferable as they are more successful than emergency stitches. A friend who was expecting twins after IVF was having her cervix monitored but lost them at 18wks though everything was fine just a few days before.

Such a difficult decision to make re surrogacy but total respect to you for facing up to your options.

Gosh, Banana, a lot to think about there. Makes sense though: you went through a lotta hell to get those embryos. I hope the conversations with surrogacy folks go well, and also hope they turn out not to be necessary and your coil works its magic. Pleased to hear the job's going well & pain's under control.

Bean how are you? Tiger how are things?
Robber is your scan tomorrow? Good luck for it.

agree the cervix should be measured at 12w, mine was but only as had cervical cancer years ago and had cone biopsy about 18yrs ago and the procedure then is diff now, so basically i have less cervix

big cheese doc said to have it done after reading my notes

it takes seconds and can save a loss of a baby

mine is ok at mo as think over 3cm? but if less then will need a stitch and gets measured at each scan

banana its a lot for you to take in, i worked for a lady who had 2 babies via surrogates , but as older/menopausal used lady a egg into lady b womb and c into d

im hoping it wont go to that and your eggs can be used x

Just had my scan bip. Cyst has gone! Now to stop the pill and wait to bleed. If scan still clear then will be starting short protocol. Daren't get to excited as it could still go wrong. And even starting means nothing if again we get no embryos.

Wow! All women that have tried everything to become pregnant. My wife took a few Clomid and that was it. Adoption all the way. These things are fine if the woman is prepared to put the effort in, but what if she's not? What can the man do? She didn't want to go through the palaver (and I understand that it must be hideous), so I don't get children. I'm also sick of all the success stories and I still cannot watch watch birth programmes or share in the joy of others having babies, although she seems strangely unfazed. Men share in this pain too, it's just that we can't actually do anything.

Ina It's a tough position. Neither men nor women can make a baby on their own, unfortunately. Both partners need to agree to any treatment and as the people on this thread will attest, IVF is physically, emotionally, and financially very draining. It takes over your life - for years and years in many cases - and changes your relationship fundamentally, and still only gives you about a 30% chance of a live birth, on average, per cycle, provided you're still young. So when you say 'these things are fine if the woman is prepared to put in the effort' - they're really not. You can spunk tens of thousands of pounds and double your risk of ovarian cancer through all the hormone treatment and still end up with no baby. That's how it is for the majority of couples who do IVF. So it's not any sort of magic bullet. Not that that's much consolation to you I imagine.

It's very hard when there's disagreement in a couple about where to draw the line & move on. Plenty of women on these boards have been in similar positions to you - partner won't quit drinking / won't quit smoking / won't get semen analysis done / won't take the vitamins / won't give up hot baths / won't give up cycling, etc. At the end of the day there's not much you can do if your partner's gone as far as they're going to go in terms of treatment and trying. You both need to agree, and it's hard when that doesn't happen. I hope you & your wife manage to find a way forward.

ina echoing Bip - although obvs as the patient it's undeniable that as a woman it's my body being continually poked and prodded , I don't think of IVF as something I go through per se - I think of it as something my husband and I go through together. We made the decision jointly to start treatment. We did most of my injections together - he would mix the drugs and I would stab myself (I prefer to do my own injecting). He doesn't come to every scan but he comes to the major appointments - anything that needs to be discussed with the consultant he is there for so he can ask questions and we can make a decision jointly off the same information. I'm the one in theatre (4 egg collections under sedation and 3 operations under general anaesthetic in the last 12 months) but he's there before I go in and waiting for me when I'm out of recovery. He can't take over the physical side for me, but the process is something we go through as a couple. We have both said that the male partners are so often sidelined - it's something that he finds very difficult and frustrating because, like you, it can sometimes feel like it's all about the woman and he's just along for the ride. When although he obv can't experience the physical side, emotionally it's very difficult for him too. He has scanxiety insomnia just as much as me and although he doesn't hang out on barrens forums or comb the Internet for fertility cures like I do, I discovered during our first cycle he had been secretly googling loads of stuff! So I'm lucky that we have been on the same page for the most part, although we have disagreed over various decisions at various points along the way, and unfortunately there's no easy answers as you can only go one way or the other.

I'm really sorry that you and your wife aren't on the same page and that you find your way through

Bean great news about the departure of the cyst, and good luck for the next phase!

Hi everyone

On phone so sorry for any typos.

Bean great news! Everything crossed for scan.

Banana glad to hear you're kicking ass at your job. How did the Skype consult go?

Blue and Banana I'm hypermobile too and desperately trying to find an NHS consultant who is willing to monitor me. If necessary I'll go private.

Thanks for remembering - scan is tomorrow. Feel too sick to be nervous. Scanxiety will kick in tomorrow am.

Tiger are you ok out there?

Good luck today robber, thinking of you.

I'm ok thanks, wandering like a crazy women in the wilderness between two lines on a pregnancy tests and whatever comes next. Alternating between glimmers of hope and fearing the worst.

Good luck robber xx

Good luck robber xx