The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

barson make sure you posture them about that referal. I order my inositol from a website called my protein.com /.uk.
I take a teaspoon in about 2 inches of water every morning. I started it in June last year, by September I had a regular cycle thus has continued. Be patient with it and hopefully you will see a difference in your cycle. It may work quicker for you too.

broodykingy your friend does sound insensitive. I think people who get pregnant easily just don't get how hard it is for some people. I gave up on ovulation tests a while back as didn't seem much point with periods every 3-5 months. It's great you have a date for your referral. How long did that take to come through after your gp apt?

Pebbles Thanks I will do. The doc said it will be 4-8 weeks if not longer. Thanks for the insoitol recommendations will give it a go.

My referral letter came through a few weeks after but I had to make the appointment and because we are waiting for my other halfs second test results and then we are on hol we had to put it off a little bit but there appointments within a month

Thanks for the info banana
We had our consent appointment today. The nurse showed me how to do down reg injections, booked in advance for some scans, need more blood tests so going to get them done elsewhere as that will cost us another £360! ontop of the £1767 I have just paid for the drugs. I don't think so!
Anyway, hi to everyone.. icy are you feeling ok about it all? I'm sort of weirdly calm but also feeling sort of on the edge.. One false move and someone's head will get bitten off. I think it's because it's all now imminent. This time next month, it's going to a complete mix of emotions one way or the other.

Just had a letter from hospital saying they have cancelled my referral appointment ! No reason or chance to rearrange just that they will be in touch in the near future. I'm so annoyed as it was the next step to figure out if anything is wrong and it seemed to be taking ages to come round as it was never mind now waiting for another letter!

Also I just wanted to apologise, I've only been on here a few days and have probably largely ranted and not commented on what you guys are going through. I don't do this to be selfish or rude, I've just not quite got my head around all the terms, medications and procedures given that we aren't at that stage yet. So I'm sorry, I just don't want to say something stupid X

broody rant away - it's what the page is for! [hands out free therapy]

karla start stabbing on Friday. Massively calm and weirdly looking forward to downregging and shutting down my ovaries. Ovulation has been so uncomfortable this month, I don't think I'll be much more bloated whilst stimming than I am naturally!! What date do you start again? We paid through the nose for all the bloods but they're only releasing drugs on an as-you-need-it basis, so the buserelin was £80... Pleasantly surprised tbh. I have purposely avoided reading the price list, but know the costs are gonna rack up soon. They drip fees the bills through & dangerously have my credit card details saved! Every time I get a bill I rush to pay off the card cos my limit is 'only' £3k and what would happen if the drugs bill bounced?!

Saw my IVF pregnant IRL friend today. She's 23 weeks and looking lovely. V happy for her & hoping against hope whilst tempering hope. Uuugh!

I start stabbing on Sunday. So just a couple of days behind u although I'm on a long protocol so mid May before collection I'm guessing.
Felt a bit overwhelmed by it all when I got home! Can't remember the last time I cried (my friends say I'm hard faced) so was a shock when the tears came. I think it's all a bit sad that we have to go through this. Some people ( the not barrens) don't know how lucky they are!

karla am also on a long protocol - 14 days of downreg and then up to 14 days of stimming.

I know what you mean about feeling sad. I feel sad about how cynical and bitter this has made me. I look back to myself when we first started and roll me eyes. Any joy or excitement has been sucked out of it for me, instead all there is left is anxiety and fear that it won't work. And if I am lucky and it works, the whole pregnancy will be tempered with fear that something can go wrong. Am bitter that I'm bitter.

Hi everyone

Have been on the PCOS thread for a bit but jumped over here today for a nosey and found you guys!!

Been TTC number 1 for 14 months now - PCOS diagnosis in January this year after not having a period from february the year before so i was started on metformin. Ovulated once since then and on CD 27 at the moment with no ovulation

Awaiting dye test to check tube patency and laparoscopy - will be waiting around a year for laparoscopy. Waiting on CD1 to book dye test.

Fed up with having no one to talk to about how much this sucks, it's seriously frustrating when everyone around you seems to fall pregnant just looking at each other!! My husband is terrible at talking about the whole thing - i have to discuss things over text to get anything out of him and even that is scant. I'm not even sure he wants it really but he says he does.

That was like the longest intro ever!!

Got the results of the tissue testing after the ERPC 4 weeks ago

Genetic testing showed our baby was chromosomally normal

It’s possible there were micro deletions, tiny chromosomal changes that are too small to be detected by cytogenetic analysis, but no obvious genetic abnormalities

No clear answers for why we lost the baby. The best theory we have is to do with the quality of the endometrium. My lining has been a consistent problem in all my natural cycles, it just doesn’t grow (because of sleepy oestrogen receptors) - although I’ve been ovulating, I haven’t really been menstruating. So although it thickened up in response to oestrogen, if the lining never properly regenerated, it’s possible the foundations essentially weren’t strong enough to go the distance.

Because my endometrium did thicken up, once my hCG levels fall, for the first time I should have enough to shed, so we can have a proper clear out.

The hope is that my body has learned how to be pregnant, and that if we start from a clean slate, that the lining can regenerate, hopefully with stronger foundations.

So quality as well as quantity it seems is as true for lining as it is for eggs.

PGS wouldn’t have made any difference to this pregnancy, as we seem to have had a good seed, but unfortunately the soil just wasn’t right this time.

Just very, very sad

Called our own GP to see if they would very kindly do the blood tests we need. HIV, Hep B etc.. Nope. They don't do 'private' blood tests. I'm so annoyed! They wouldn't be 'private' if the criteria for funding wasn't so strict. That will be almost another £400 to pay out.

banana I am sorry you've had such bad news. I remember all the trouble you had with your lining. Just seems so unfair that you got so fair with a good embryo and for that to let you down. I hope you got some relief from knowing you both produced a good embryo and your next cycle can be trailered around the lining issue. Still awful news for you and DH to hear. Lots of love to you
icy your words are exactly how I feel in all this. The whole thing is one big nerve wracking experience.
karla sounds like you need to release all that emotion. Better out then in, especially before you start stabbing. I hope you feel better for it.
Is there any private company that could do the tests for cheaper?
brody have you contacted that bloody hospital about the cancellation?! That's awful, I hope you mange to get it rearranged.
How is every one else doing. Seems we are all in a bit of a lull at the moment.
nurse hello, I was briefly on the PCOS thread with you. I cannot believe the waiting times you have in your area. Men tend to deal with al this the opposite way to us ladies. Must be hard when you just want to get everything off your chest to your DH.

Can anyone answer my Q? So when I start next month I have to take noresterine. Does this mean I am on long protocol? Do I start the injections after the pills?? the nurse didn't mention the protocol just the names of the drugs.

Banana I am so sorry about your news - what a blow. for you & Mr Banana and I hope you're Ok.

Pebbles I think that means you're long protocol. Annoying that your clinic aren't better at explaining what the plan is - can you ring for clarification? Tho I must say I never bothered ringing my clinic because nobody ever picked up the phone. Relied a lot on Dr Google for answers.

Karla & Icy good luck with the stabbing. Cheering you on from the sidelines.

banana my tiny issue pales into insignificance compared to your shit day.
nurse welcome to the gang. You'll be listened to and cheered here so stick around.

bananas what a shit day. Sorry to hear that. Is there anything that can be done for a better lining? Can they give you meds?

I also barely bleed, less than half a mooncup on day 1 and that's it.

Bip how're you doing?

Lots of glitter shit to both.

Hello gang lurker here dropping in for some advice. Just started third round of ovulation induction using injectables and had noted that packaging on needles and syringes has changed. Stuck the needle in to administer geriatric lady piss and it blooming hurt! Removed it and blood pouring out and now I have a big lump and lots of redness Checked the packaging and the new needles are 27 g 1/2 and old ones are 30 g 1/2. Just wondered if any other fellow stabbers knew what size they use? I have a few of the old smaller needles left, but not many, so need to contact clinic tomorrow and worried they'll say tough luck!

Sorry feel bad for asking a question without having contributed much to this thread. I do read all the posts though and laugh and cry with you all. Glittery turds to all :)

Hi all
Swift check in from the midst of a glamorous biz trip to Birmingham.

Nice to see (hear?) some new names on here. Hello!

Banana so sorry to hear the outcome of your appointment. No real words, just really feeling for you. Try not to blame yourself - you can never know exactly what it was. Easier said than done, I know. xx

Icy yes yes yes- exactly those feelings. Bittertastic.
But good luck getting started. You too, *karla!

Pebbles* I was on short protocol and started Gonal f jabs straight away on Day 2 after consult appointment on day 1 (!). From that I would also guess you're long protocol, but def worth checking. Honestly, health professionals, a little help sometimes?!

Glittery shit to all. I'm off to lounge in my giant super-king hotel bed all for ME.

Hi all. I'm in the EPU. Pregnancy test is finally negative so looks like I'm done miscarrying, hurrah.

broody how frustrating to have the appointment set then cancelled all at once. Good luck sorting it out. Be assertive. My learning in this whole palava has been that mistakes I wish you and and if you don't ask, remind, cajole, nag and persuade then you don't get.

karla and icy best of luck for the upcoming weeks.

banana I'm so sorry for your results, that must have been really hard to hear. I hope you and your DH (who I'm sorry I just can't call Mr Banana ) are doing OK.

Welcome nurse

Anyone seen Harold? Don't think we've heard from her recently. G'day if you're out there...... And meh , how are you?

I'm sorry banana that is horrible for you and your Mr. Take all the time you need.

karla can't a consultant at the hospital get them done on NHS? often they are more lenient with budgets etc than GP's tend to be. Thanks for the welcome :)

pebbles Hello again!! Yes unfortunately NI tends to have massive waiting lists comapred to the mainland - totally unfair!

moomin there tends to be no difference in cost etc for different size of needles so might have just been the wrong sizes lifted? Hopefully!!

Grumpelstiltskin Hello and thanks for the welcome :)

PotatoesPastaAndBread Hello :)

potatoes I am very relieved for you and hoping that is the end of it. Will you have to go back there?
grumples you still away on business? Did you raid the mini bar and put it on compmay expenses?
Thanks for the advice ladies, I had a feeling it was long protocol. bip I was in too much shock to absorb any info or ask the right questions. I assume all will be explained at the drugs appointment.
So my next question how long is a long protocol? I know it can differ but if all ran smoothly, is it about 8 weeks??

I hope you are all managing to get through this week. That's becoming a challenge in its self for me lately.

potatoes good to hear. You can finally move on.
nurse I considered ringing the hospital but we need the results done and back by 28 April. GP surgery said they haven't got the capacity to do the bloods, I said that I had rang NHS England customer service who said if it's for clinical reason they can't refuse.
I couldn't be bothered to argue! I'm exhausted by it all.

Karla I know a few times my consultant has brought me up for bloods and i've had them done in outpatients by the nurses without having to see her so it may still be a option? Worth ringing the consultants secretary anyway, It may save you some money! those virology lab tests only take a few days to come back usually so you'd have lots of time :)

Oh that's good news, potatoes! Well. As good as a bfn can ever be I guess. Glad you finally have some closure on it, at least in the physical sense.

Pebbles, I was well behaved with the minibar but my colleague and I did order a £60 bottle of wine at a company dinner last night. Sod it!

Have post-mc review and chat about next steps with my consultant on Monday, so from now on (well, tomorrow) I'm back being full of protein and water and health and not just stuffing myself full of carbs n booze. Nothing even approaching treatment will be happening for at least another month (sigh), but I've eaten my feelings for a good few weeks and am now officially over it. There are only so many croissants in the world.

Excited (in measured, non-baby-dust way) for all of you starting and gearing up for treatment. Good luck!

Banana I'm so sorry you've had some bad news. Hope you're doing ok.

Icy and Karla good luck with the stabbing! I got a massive purple bruise from my first one but it got better after that! Weirdly, I didn't mind the injections once I got the hang of it.

Broody make you keep on at the hospital. We lost months with the NHS due to lost/ forgotten referrals and general administrative incompetence!

Potatoes glad to hear you can finally start to move on.

Hello to everybody else!

All ok with me, just waiting for our follow up appointment in 2 weeks to go through possible reasons why IVF didn't work and to discuss next steps etc. Waiting and more waiting.... Grrrr!