Christmas - a great way of telling the infertile they're a social pariah

[HesterShaw]

That's it really. I should have got used to it by now. But sister recently announced she's pregnant for the third time (totally unplanned, silly her, ha ha ha). That's three kids in the time we have just been wanting and failing to have just one. So despite trying not to appear so in front of me, DM is thrilled and can't/won't stop talking about it.

We're fed up of spending Christmas on the road (hundreds of miles over two weeks every sodding year) in order to be granted the honour of interacting with family members, and have recently moved into a lovely cottage near the sea, and wanted Christmas at home for once. Asked the PIL back in September if they'd like to come and they said "lovely yes please". It transpired that then SIL asked them to come to hers, and play happy families with her brood. PIL are very materialistic and love buying shit stuff for the GC so they said yes they'll go to hers instead. Didn't actually have the manners to let us know, just hoped we'd find out somehow, which we have.

Infertile people - don't think you're worth anything at Christmas. You have not procreated. Grandparents want to spoil grandchildren at Christmas and you have failed to produce any.

Wankers

If anyone wants to tell me I'm vile and bitter, don't bother.

Thanks ButtonMoon, merry Christmas to you too!

TheMshipIsBack - you're a great friend! I'm learning those are hard to find.

One of my best friends is the one who most recently (last week!) said to me how she envies me/my freedom and that whilst she knows that I am dying for a child, I should "really enjoy the freedom" that I have...that whilst she loves her son, she sometimes questions what they have done (he's around 2 months old). If she had said this to my face I think I would have slapped her!

My other best friend has told me in the past to "get on it" again, I had to tell her get on what exactly? That there was literally nothing I can do but wait.

Yes in the course of our "journey" (yuck!") I've had a few people who really really should have known better tell me we're just not trying hard enough, even here on MN. I think unless you have experience of infertility yourself, you can have NO idea of the impossibility of it. I on the other hand simply can't fathom what it must be like to decide you'd like to start a family, shag for a bit, get pregnant and produce a child, then maybe again a couple of times. How can that even be possible?

So it's my parents who are insensitive . Parents in laws don't know of our fertility problems and as their only child they are always delighted to spend Xmas just the 4 of us. Sadly this year is the turn to be with my parents and siblings and their children. Where there is a rule that only children are bought for, not even my parents buy us a gift as we are not worthy seeing as we have not reproduced. Yet we buy for all the kids and my parents as I will not stoop. Only this year I decided to just buy token gifts which is not going down well even though I keep saying "we have no money as we need to pay for ivf".
Really feel like being on our own this year!

I understand why you might want to hide this board, but reading threads helps people not in your position to be more understanding and sensitive in RL.

Being rejected by PIL is just rubbish. I couldn't imagine rejecting my child when they are an adult just because they hadn't had kids.

Enjoy your Christmas. I'd love to have Christmas by the sea one day it sounds awesome.

Oh you sound like my kind of people

I'm lucky that I have DNs whom I adore, and I don't mind at all that Christmas is about them for part of the day. Then DH and I leave my DSis's home and come back to our haven of peace and tranquility and breathe a big sigh of relief.

People should do exactly what makes them happy at Christmas, and sod everyone else!