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Original poster

Christmas - a great way of telling the infertile they're a social pariah

105 replies

HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 14:55

That's it really. I should have got used to it by now. But sister recently announced she's pregnant for the third time (totally unplanned, silly her, ha ha ha). That's three kids in the time we have just been wanting and failing to have just one. So despite trying not to appear so in front of me, DM is thrilled and can't/won't stop talking about it.

We're fed up of spending Christmas on the road (hundreds of miles over two weeks every sodding year) in order to be granted the honour of interacting with family members, and have recently moved into a lovely cottage near the sea, and wanted Christmas at home for once. Asked the PIL back in September if they'd like to come and they said "lovely yes please". It transpired that then SIL asked them to come to hers, and play happy families with her brood. PIL are very materialistic and love buying shit stuff for the GC so they said yes they'll go to hers instead. Didn't actually have the manners to let us know, just hoped we'd find out somehow, which we have.

Infertile people - don't think you're worth anything at Christmas. You have not procreated. Grandparents want to spoil grandchildren at Christmas and you have failed to produce any.

Wankers Angry

If anyone wants to tell me I'm vile and bitter, don't bother.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 01/12/2015 19:25

I'm hoping that BabyGanoush hadn't realised what board they were on.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 19:25

I nearly said fuck off.

Oh look I just did.

OP posts:
delilabell · 01/12/2015 19:27

We spent years ttc and having another year "ticked off" the list of failing. I used to beg my dh to promise me that next year would be different.
Pil wouldn't visit us. Sil would get all the attention, people would come out with the "Christmas is for kids"crap. And then we suddenly thought fuck it and enjoyed drunk and fun christmases. Yours sounds wonderful and the cottage sounds perfect. I don't think it's anything to do with not having children, it's how they're a bunch of bellends.
We adopted our gorgeous boy I'm the end and found out about him in Christmas eve which (almost) made up for all the shitty ones.
Wishing you a lovely and peaceful time this year.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/12/2015 19:28

Maybe it should be something you need to opt in to like the Special Neds boards? That protects us from some of the fuckwits out there.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/12/2015 19:32

In sorry, OP. For what it's worth I agree that your Christmas sounds amazing.

It won't help, but orphans are pariahs at Christmas too. If you can't talk excitedly about seeing your family and spending the day together, everyone avoids you. I'd happily skip this month and wake up in January.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 19:34

I just reported my own thread with the request to stop threads here appearing in Active Convos. I realise this is the Internet and anyone could post on it/see it if they wanted, but it might prevent a few idiots posting here thinking that in fact the thread is in AIBU, and that therefore it is compulsory to be unpleasant. No one wants to be posting in Infertility do they? What do other people think?

deliabell congratulations on adopting your lovely son :) Flowers

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Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 19:35

Oh Anchor. I'm so sorry. That sounds horrible Flowers

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spanky2 · 01/12/2015 19:36

Hester, I understand what you are saying. I'd been told it would be very difficult to get pg, if at all. My friend then told me she was pg and going for an abortion. I didn't hate her.
Your Christmas plans are fab. It's just the time of year when wanting a child is brought into focus. Is it wrong to suggest getting a pet like a dog? I have just got a puppy and he brings me so much joy. I know a dog isn't a baby, and I hope you don't think I'm being crass and insensitive. You seem to have a lot of love to give and could it help you focus on what you have rather than what you haven't ? My parents hate me and I've found not having parents really hard. The puppy has given me something positive to focus on.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/12/2015 19:39

Thing is though haters gonna hate and Piles are gonna be Piles. My DParents - after years of saying 'oh no, we couldn't possibly leave the dog but you absolutely have to bring DS to us because it's Christmas' now happily skip off to my DBros. His kids are obviously nicer than mine.

Ah well. Fuck em, my SIL has a cats bum face and pours the wine in thimble measures so their loss.

Bailey's OP? It is the 1st of December after all.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/12/2015 19:40

I wanted to post as I was moved by the elequoent way you expressed your feelings.

Whilst I am, thankfully, not personally affected by infertility my DSis is and it something I would opt in to seeing but it's so important that people affected have a 'safe space' to say things that the general (fertile) population would just be able to understand.

You could talk to MNHQ and ask to make this board opt in only.

Good luck!

PurpleDaisies · 01/12/2015 19:41

I'm a long time lurker and occasional poster here. I'd definitely vote for this board not appearing in active convos.

It is horrible feeling envious of family members (my sis is also pregnant with a second surprise pregnancy so I know exactly how you're feeling). It is not helpful when people who have no idea what that's like post stupid comments.

We have the in laws coming for Christmas. They have already let us know how we've let them down by failing to produce any grandchildren for them. I think I might be spending most of this Christmas inebriated.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/12/2015 19:42

...affected have a 'safe space' to say things that the general (fertile) population would just not be able to understand. - sorry!

Northey · 01/12/2015 19:56

Cocksticks, Hester. Doesn't get any easier, does it. Maybe when we are sixty.

Northey · 01/12/2015 19:57

(I have come out of retirement to sympathise)

ButtonMoon88 · 01/12/2015 19:58

Wanted to wish you a merry Christmas op your day sounds like such a dream! [santa]

Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 19:59

spanky I don't feel offended by the dog suggestion! I'm not really a doggy person to be honest, but we do have a kitty and I'm definitely a mad cat lady. We lavish love on her, though she is perfectly indifferent of course. Thing about pets is that they so reliably die on you. I'm steeling myself for that day - she's getting on in years. And I adore my nephews and nieces - it's just a shame they're so far away.

OP posts:
Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 20:00

Northey!!!!! Fellow barren mad cat woman! WineWineWine

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XmasMN9502 · 01/12/2015 20:01

You are the only person I would have come out of retirement for! (Ok, maybe a couple of others. But mostly you :) )

XmasMN9502 · 01/12/2015 20:02

Oh! How do names work these days? This is the first time I have been back since everything got re set.

NigelLikesSalad · 01/12/2015 20:06

Northy ! How are you?

NigelLikesSalad · 01/12/2015 20:06

No idea on the names but yours just went funny

Northey · 01/12/2015 20:06

Anyway, my parents are positively aching to invite my sister and her baby and husband for Christmas, but are painfully carefully not doing so because of me and my barrenosity. That is crap too, in a different way. Not only can I not produce a grandchild myself, I am also the impediment to them seeing the one my sister produced.

NeedsAMousekatool · 01/12/2015 20:07

Just wanted to wish you and Norfy a merry Christmas Hest, and fuck the piles. Which sounds painful but you know what I mean.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 01/12/2015 20:07
OP posts:
Northey · 01/12/2015 20:08

I am ok, thanks! I seem, tentatively, to have survived :)