The mind numbing boredom of infertility

[icy121]

Two years. Month in, month out, and no change. I'm finding a huge part of this whole nightmare is trying to cope with the boredom. I bore myself incessantly googling variations of the same question, staying up late at night to the glow of an iPad, reading more and more obscure medical research abstracts. Asking my doctor friend if I can borrow her password so I can see whether the BMJ has any updates from last week. It's fucking monotonous. Nowhere else in my life have I had to strive so hard to get absolutely nowhere.

I don't talk to friends about it, they don't want to hear it and frankly I've cried too many times when it's come up for them to have any sympathy left. They're bored. So we just ignore and and plod on, except I'm not bloody plodding on. I'm wallowing side to side and achieving absolutely fuck all. And secretly dreading the fact they're all getting married and their babies will be on the horizon. I'm going to lose my friends.

I decided not to put my life on hold, got a new job in a small firm, booking holidays but it all feels very empty because what I'm really doing is waiting. And it's so fucking tedious.

I'm in Scotland and have to say that I got my referral quite quick to the consultant only thing is having to get time off work for these appointments as where I work you have to send your hospital letter to the head of department to sign off and I imagine it passes through quite a few people before that . that bugs me a bit as although it's meant to be confidential people still see it!

Potatoes blimey that is quick the polyp being removed that quickly ! No wonder you were worried when they did it so quickly

Icy, I've introduced you now, there is no going back.

Daily Mail future headline:
Childless Surrey woman (28) appeared before magistrates charged with throwing glitter covered dog excrement at other women. Defence: "What? It was fresh and soft. Didn't do any harm"

Pip I will head over today to elderberries :-) thanks for vouching. I've been in BESH for a while, think there's some crossover.

Wow, Pebbles, thats a lot back to back. Good luck with your op!

Potatoes loving your sexy parps as well. The indignities never end. Wishing you all the good luck in the world for ET.

Icy chuck some hard ones, too!

This is the woman in forums who drives me to homicidal rage: 'Hey! I'm a 44-year-old, perimenopausal, recovering heroin addict with one functioning kidney. I only have half a uterus after an industrial accident in the asbestos plant where I work. Been taking folic acid for a couple of weeks and I don't seem to be pregnant. Really puzzled. What could the trouble be?'

Invariably they're knocked up the next week, apparently thanks to some sawdust in a capsule ayurvedic supplement, which I desperately go out and buy, and then hate myself for having been suckered again.

icy I'm doing jury service this week - I think that's a perfectly acceptable defence - not guilty!

I hate the am I pregnant - is this a line, we've only been trying a week etc etc..... Threads : yes it's a line, now fuck off with your pregnancy smugness

I am in the northwest. There is no waiting time for IVF with my hospital. We had our first IVF appt. in October if I didn't have to have surgery, I could have started on my next cycle if all else was ok. They done a lot of the blood tests on the day, so one less thing to do. I know how lucky I am in that aspect.
You don't realise how many people are going through IVF treatment!
Cannot imagine how you ladies get through it, all the poking and tests! The end goal is obviously what spares you on.
Baby dust!!!!!! Big fart sarcastic comment

I'm in South East. After all the tests etc with gynaecologist at local hospital the referral to the clinic is 4 weeks. Then they have to fit you in for treatment so about 2 months really. Xx

Hey all - I'm in Bedfordshire & a criminal lawyer and I'd say that'd get you off every time Icy ha!

Never got as far as knowing what the wait is for IVF cos I was too fat for it and we decided to crack on with private first whilst I try and lose the stone before our one NHS round. If I wasn't a stone overweight we'd have been referred before some magic date in Feb 2015 and our CCG would've funded 3 whole rounds. Bastard weight and me having no motivation to lose it :(

Good luck all with various treatment coming up - we've got our first IVF consultation appt at the clinic on Wednesday! Weirdly looking forward to it now...

Sounds like it can be quick. I have gyne appointment in Feb when we have to decide if we want to be referred for IVF or continue trying naturally (nothing wrong with us) and I thought it would be summer so July/Aug before anything would happen - was told there was no waiting list. Maybe it will be sooner then?

It's so bad, but I'm insanely jealous of the NHS outside of Wales! Ten bloody months!! I'm not currently on zoopla, no sir.. Not me.. Honest guv..

Bip "I only have half a uterus after an industrial accident in the asbestos plant where I work" I spat tea out of my nose reading that! I hope you're happy

Got a five month old forced into my arms at a funeral today whilst their mum rummaged about for a dummy. Thanks friend! If it wasn't during the quiet bit of the service in a packed out church I'd have been really tempted to plonk the dribbly, hair pulling little monkey on the floor!

blackcat agreed. Every time I see a thread called "am I pregnant?? " , "could I be pregnant????", or "is this a line?????????" I have to step away from mumsnet lest I do something I later regret.

Sorry missed some posts there. I never found out how long nhs ivf referral was because too old. Initial referral for fertility investigations from gp to hospital was four months. Self referral to private Ivf clinic was a month.

Private everything for me. OH has kids so I don't quality for anything. £6k down and haven't even started IVF yet. Who needs savings.

Am in Surrey so would only get one round on NHS anyway. Makes me feel slightly better no it fucking doesn't, who am I trying to kid?!

All private here too, in London. NHS regards my dd's stillbirth as a 'successful pregnancy' so I get no help from them with anything, including recurrent mcs. So far, we've spent £4k on various tests NHS wouldn't do (even basic ones like thyroid). One ICSI cycle with PGS at my clinic is likely to set us back £13-16k.

That article suggesting 2/3 of women under 40 get pregnant after 6 cycles of IVF really got me down. No way can I afford 6 cycles - too old and broke and broken. I wonder whether there's any point given my age & the fact I can only afford to try twice, max. That's money I could spend on a tummy tuck (can't bear having a mum tum & c-section scar & no baby to show for it).

Potatoes GOOD LUCK for today!! Got everything crossed for you.

Jesus Bip that's absolutely falling in the extreme. I was going to write to my MP basically having a moan about not qualifying for funding, but your experience is a thousand times worse.

Our guidelines in Surrey is you're disqualified if you have a living child. I can't believe London don't have the same. It's chilling, really.

*galling not falling

There are a lot of options I probably haven't researched properly. When GP said no I was so exhausted from fighting the hospital after various fuck-ups to do with the birth that I couldn't face any more fights. The fact that I've been able to conceive with Clomid from the internet because GP wouldn't prescribe rules me out of most things as well. Rightly so, I suppose. Even private clinic says we technically don't have a 'fertility problem'. But 4 pregnancies & 0 children doesn't make me feel my 'fertility' is worth much.

It's disgraceful how much of a postcode lottery it is. And really cruel that your OH's kids count towards your 'quota', Icy. You'd be eligible for NHS treatment in my area - fancy a house swap?

Bip that's horrendous. There are no words, the absolute fucking fuckers!!

Shit, Biscuits, missed your post earlier about funeral baby-holding. Like a funeral's not bad enough already. Do you have your appt this week? Good luck to you & Laura!

Thanks for all your good wishes. ET went ok. Am at home in bed. Am just trying not to think about the next two weeks. Was being all positive then had a moment visualising what it would be like to get a BFN and all that time and money for the same old result. So just ignoring it.

bip I Don't know where you get the strength. You seem to fall between all the cracks of the technical definitions with different groups of doctors pushing you back and forth, and the lack of empathy you've experienced for your situation is astounding. I would take my hat off to you but I'm not wearing one so I'll vaguely wiggle the hood of my sweatshirt.

laura good luck for your app. My advice (not that you asked!) is write everything down, always have a pen and paper, and spend ten mins before with your dh seeing if you have any questions. I have found every single medical professional involved in my treatment to be a lovely, smiley angel until I wanted to question a decision or ask to do something differently and then they showed they were wearing an angel suit over a body of terminator steel. So enjoy the niceness, and stick to your guns.

bipthats awful. The worlds gone mad!!!!

I have been researching on line big mistake and looked up Prof Robert Winstons website where he does a Q&A on fertility questions( you have to give your background history) . I found a story similar to mine and he basically told the woman there was no point her her going down the IVF route with her own eggs as it won't work and that her clinic are just fobbing her off and making money out of it..
I have now convinced myself before even seeing a private consultant that that's me!

Also seeing how much some of you have said treatment has cost you so far has shocked me, perhaps I am have been a bit naive. I think I need to start putting in some over time!
So to make myself feel better, Last night I took to googling celebrities who are similar ages to me and childless ie Alex Jones, Kelly Brook, Christine Bleakley...
But started to panic as they are now all either married or engaged so am sure they will be popping them out before too long.
Yes peeps, I have gone mad!