Assisted conception after recurrent miscarriage part 7

[brownstag]

Here's the new thread, ladies.

Hi all, haven't looked on here in ages but thought I would see if anyone was lurking.

Belly I was so sad to read your post and completely understand where you are at as not far behind you. It's just so heartbreaking to go through so much without the end result that you do deserve. Life is just so *hit sometimes and the people who deserve these things aren't always the ones that get them.

Do you think you and your oh would consider adoption? I do think about it and have some friends who adopted and it worked out well for them. I am just so impatient and the process takes ages and is so intrusive.
I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking time to heal.

Mel I was so sad to read your news also, you have been through so much! I hope it was amicable and you are also taking some time to heal. Don't forget to pop on here if you need to talk.

As for me we have just done donor egg ivf in Athens. Got back from holiday in the states Sunday night and then I flew out to Athens Monday night after work for the transfer. All went well apart from my lining not being brilliant, two day 6 embies put back one of which was hatching!! We are also lucky enough to have five perfect day 6 embies frozen.
Not had a great start to 2ww as sadly my Dad passed away in Saturday. He has been ill and his dementia was much worse so really it's a blessing that he hasbeen released, it's just so very sad.

I ended up in hospital as well Saturday as had a re-occurrence of my heart condition so all in all not getting my hopes up to much about this cycle.

Hope everybody else is going ok and miss chatting to you all on here although if course so happy for those of you it worked out for.

Ari thanks for listening and all advice as usual.

I really hope this works out for you, Pebbles. Having 5 frozen embies too is great. I wish I had some of my own genetic material banked somewhere. And I am very sorry to hear about your dad.
Belly, I read your post a while ago and several times have tried to write something back. I completely feel your pain but didn't seem to be able to say anything that could help or that hasn't been said before.
I am just emerging out of a major depressive episode. So weird that on my calendar for April I had marked an appointment in Athens but then at the last minute I changed my mind and decided to just give up. Within weeks I'd stopped sleeping and was in a deep depression. I'm on more medication than I've been on since my son was born. I wonder where I'd be now if I hadn't changed my mind. My DH would ever go down that route now even if I suggested it.
But life is starting to look bright again. I'm doing yoga, some study, and am soon going to be volunteering for Age UK. I think sometimes if there is a god he sent me my depression to remind me, on recovery, how lucky I am to have what I do have: a healthy clever sweet boy and family and friends, my health (physical at least!), a home, a job that's interesting. But I really do miss the intellectual challenge of trying to conceive. I so wanted to win.

Hi Pebbles firstly, such sad news about your dad. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you are ok after your stay in hospital, what a worry on top of being on the 2ww. Keeping everything crossed for you and although I am sure you are praying that this cycle has worked, it is also comforting to know that you have some frosties. Please keep us posted, if you can bear to. You of all people deserve to be successful.

Brown so sorry you have been struggling, but glad to hear you are now feeling more positive. I have a friend with severe depression and I really don't know how to help her (she has an awful lot to be unhappy about to be fair). It sounds as though you have got lots of positive things in place. Thinking if you.

We haven't had time to think of what to do next yet, as we have been moving back in to our house after having it renovated, and now have guests until 20th July. I am starting to move on and try and get rid of my drugs etc. I have totally fallen off the healthy eating wagon and am eating chocolate, gluten and the odd G&T. This meant I had such a light period this month I almost convinced myself I was pregnant! Having hideous hot flushes too, just to rub in that I am totally infertile. Coping ok most of the time, but waves of grief wash over me from time to time.

Mel thinking of you too, really hope you are ok x

Sorry to hear you have been having a hard time Brown although it sounds like you are coming through the other side. This whole ttc/miscarriage thing really takes it out of you. At least you can know you tried everything you could .

Belly it's sooo hard reaching the end of this journey and knowing there aren't may options eft open to you. With a bit of time to take stock you will know what feels right for you next. Understand about the waves of grief, at times it can all be so overwhelming.

Unfortunately it was a bfn for us yesterday, we just can't understand why this seems to be getting harder and not easier after all the treatment!!
Have been in contact with Penny and the plan is to down regulate until September and then have a go with the frozen embryos. It seems I have adenomyosis which is something else to add to my many issues. Think we will do two fets and then call it a day as I obviously have to many issues to overcome.

Sending you all a big hug and pop on fr time to time to let me know how you are doing.

Pebbles so sorry to hear about your bfn. There are no words that do justice to the perpetual disappointment and unfairness of it all. I am thinking of you. So glad that Penny has a plan in place for September. Hopefully you can regroup over the summer, have a bit of normality and then fingers crossed for your frosties. You so deserve some luck. Is there anything Penny has suggested for the adenomyosis? You are so unbelievably brave. Will pop in from time to time to see how you are doing. Massive v. hug.

Waves to anyone else who is lurking...Brown, Mel, Ari etc
X

Thanks Belly, treatment is three down regulation shots over three months. Permanent menopause, lovely!!

Have you thought anymore what you are going to do or still taking time to consider it all?

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a lot better now and although I'm not going to change anything, I do seem to be having thoughts of donor eggs again. This need for another child is a like a weed in my brain that I just can't dig out.
Sorry to hear about your BFN, Pebbles. How are you getting on with the down-regulation?
Has anyone had the C4M2 test offered by Care? It's the faulty gene that can be carried by either parent and can cause miscariage. I'm tempted even now to get the test, even though we're not trying. I had an email conversation with Simon Fischel a few months ago, who's the director of CAre Fertility, and he was lovely and explained it all to me.
My mother in law only ever had child and so did I, and I'm wondering if that's no coincidence but that the gene has been passed down the generations.
Even if we do nothing with the information, it will maybe solve the mystery of my miscarriages.

A couple of promising links for us oldies.
[http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0643vfl]
[http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/298011.php]

Sorry
A couple of promising links for us oldies.
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0643vfl
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/298011.php

belly good luck with penny this month.

brown have you thought anymore about gene testing. I know what you mean about wanting answers. It is hard to know if the next medical step will bring that breakthrough.

mel and nanny hope you are doing ok

Hi All

How are you all getting on - I wonder if anyone lurks on here anymore? Just wanted to pop in and say good luck to Pebbles as you must be in the middle of you FET cycle. Praying that this is your time, you couldn't deserve it more. Is Penny doing anything differently this go?

Nothing much to report from our end although we are going to a Surrogacy conference this weekend, I am sooooo nervous, although DH seems quite chilled about it all. Will report back.

Where is everyone else at, treatment wise or emotionally? Hope things are still positive for you, Brown, Mel how are you coping? Lemon what are you up to? I haven't read the main thread for ages now, I would have so much to catch up on. Looking forward to Free's programme coming out in October. Waves to others I have missed.

Hello everyone
Belly good luck this weekend. Would you mind telling me more about the conference? I was thinking a lot about surrogacy recently, don't know how it would work, practically.
Pebbles thinking about you and hoping this time it will work for you... this thread is really overdue some sticky BFP...
AFM I finally realised that I don't believe ( still hope but don't believe) that I will ever have that baby we've been TTC for nearly 5 years.... My 'D'H is not helping the situation by drinking and smoking a lot.... i've tried all immune drugs which I am happy to use and we can afford and all I have achieved was endless chemicals (oh and shingles a month ago!!!). It feels like my body has had enough...

Hallo all. I hope you're all well. Sorry everything seems such uphill work for you, Nanny. How was the conference, Belly?
Just a quick visit to say we had our C4M2 test done and it is indeed my DH who has the variant. Mine was normal. We're not planning to do anything with this information but I feel a massive weight has been lifted, finally knowing what the problem has been all this time. It explains everything: the miscarriages, the infertility, the fact that our DS was small at birth, my mother-in-law's infertility and miscarriage, her brother's fertility problems, etc, etc.
I say we're not planning to do anything, but I am quite interested in this ovarian rejuvenation treatment. Has anyone heard anything about it?
www.infertilityny.com/ovarian-rejuvenation-nyc

Hello Brown, Belly and Nanny. Completely lost the thread for a bit but otherwise I normally pop on once in a while to see if anyone has posted and how they are doing!

How was the surrogacy conference Belly, did you get some useful information? Do you think you will go down this route?

Must be a big relief for you Brown having found out an answer at long last. It always drives me mad how long all of this takes!!

How are you doing Nanny? It's so hard on your body emotionally and physically, it's also so hard to call it a day...... Do you have any plans?

I have come to the end of my three months down regulation thank hid!! Had been pretty tough, terrible trouble sleeping, night sweats, aching joints and terrible memory. When I properly have the menopause will take whatever I can get to help!!
On a positive note due to have embryos put back next Thursdsy if my lining scan us all ok on Saturday so fingers crossed.

Hugs to all. x

Hi All,

I started typing a post ages ago, but never got round to finishing it. Pebbles how are you? You have been massively on my mind and I hope that this is your time.

How is everyone else doing? Brown glad that you at least have an answer. Have you changed your mind about not doing anything?

Lisa's programme was amazing, did you all see it? So very brave of her and her husband. What I found, and actually what I know from being on here with you fab ladies, is that although each of our journies are deeply personal - the emotions we all go through are almost identical. The hope being ripped from you and not just the loss of your much longed for baby, but the life imagined. I am feeling a bit emotional as I have been having to look back through all our medical notes to fill in our surrogacy membership forms and I can not believe what we put ourselves through, emotionally, physically and financially.

Anyway, the Surrogacy conference was incredible and overwhelming in equal measure. Just unbelievable that people are prepared to carry a baby for people like us. So much info to take in and so many heartbreaking stories, but then so is each of ours. Lots of hope and wonderful success stories too. SUK were the organisation we went to and they are all about friendship and forming a bond with your surrogate, if you are lucky enough to get chosen. We have been to a 'social' since, which was much more relaxed and not nearly as daunting as we had already met some of the people at the conference. I have to say everyone is lovely and our 'buddies' at the conference had a beautiful 2yr old via a surrogate, and the mum said it was the best thing she had ever done, and she had a similar history to us. It has renewed are hope, but is also a lot to get your head round and is definitely not going to be straightforward journey either. PM me if you want any more info.
Really hope everyone is ok. Update us with where you are at, if you can face it. Massive virtual hugs to you all.

Belly, your post made me shiver all over. It all sounds wonderfully promising. In another universe I'd love to be a surrogate myself. Sadly I can't even produce my own! So when will you find a match, do you think?
Yes, I am looking into the ovarian rejuvenation treatment in New York some time next year. It will be the very last of my savings but if I really can get my cycle going properly again and produce decent eggs, that's half the battle done.
In fact, I'd be interested to hear from anyone who might want to do the same thing so that we could travel together. We were looking at holidays out there but anything during the school hols is astronomically expensive so I might go it alone.

Hi,

I still lurk on this thread. I now have 2 DS. Though both when I was not on immune treatment. Before the first one Mr S recommended the hydroxychloroquine and SO programme after my NK were climbing on red alone. We decided to stop treatment since on red only managed one chemical. Then fell pregnant with my first DS. After having him was lucky enough to fall pregnant and manage to have our second.

I still feel slightly cheated. It took us over 5 years to have our first and all those mc. We originally wanted 3. But due to my age and finances I know this will not happen. If we could of had slightly bigger age gaps then it could of. Although I know how lucky I am to have the 2 of them.

We also considered surrogacy. I hope you find an amazing woman to help Belly.

How are you doing nanny and brown and pebbles

I am sorry if my post comes across has insensitive. I do not mean it to be. I could not of done this journey without you and obviously duggs and ari

Hi Bellly,

Nice to hear your update and very interesting to hear about surrogacy. It's horrible when you have to write it all down, really brings it all home. What you said about not just being the baby you imagined but also life you envisaged is so true. I can't believe at the age of 42 I am still going through this. I always thought would stop at 40 but just not ready to give up yet.

So do you think you will pursue with surrogacy? I would be happy to go that route but doesn't it work out v expensive? If these frozen embryos don't work we have some left so might speak to Penny about surrogacy. Not sure if it is something they do at Serum or if it's easier in Greece but we still have some frozen embies and think they might be wasted on my crap uterus

Hi pebbles there is a surrogacy board on here now so they may be able to give you more info. I think it is really hard to decide when to call it a day. In my head I still feel 21 if that makes sense. How are you doing pebbles when is your transfer happening?

Sent this accidentally before I finished it and finished off on another post which doesn't seem to have worked!

Also posts from Brown and Lemon didn't show up before i sent mine so please don't think me rude!

Congratulations to you Lemon and Brown good luck if you pursue with your new route.

Was v weird for me watching Lisa's documentary, it's v odd watching something on to about one of your best and oldest friends and family. She was indeed so brave, I know I couldn't talk about it they only on tv. She did such and maxing job and I am v proud of her.

As for me my fet was slightly delayed as my lining was a bit rubbish after all the down regging. Due to test this weekend and dreading it!!!!!!!! Haven't had a bfp in two long years.

Nice to hear from people, take care.
Lisa x

Pebbles good luck for this weekend - sending you loads of positive vibes x

Thanks Belly but unfortunate another bfn. Spoken with Penny and she still feels it can work and wants us to go straight into another fet. I trust her advice so onwards and upwards!

I asked her about surrogacy but she still thinks I am able to do it.

Waves to everyone else.

Pebbles I am so sorry, was thinking about you a lot.

Sorry to hear about your bfn, Pebbles.
It's not much of a consolation, I know, after all the heartache and expense, but this week I was reading about research showing that if IVF is prolonged it can be successful and not to necessarily give up.
I have some unopened DHEA if anyone is interested in it. I can post.
As to me, I've had a skype consult with Dr Melnick in New York. What a lovely man. He is very happy to offer me the ovarian rejuvenation therapy, but he thinks I have thyroid issues that need sorting first. I'm just waiting to get paid to have a more indepth private thyroid testing in the UK.
Certainly thyroid was my sister's issue. After supposedly being postmenopausal for 6 months 2 years ago, with thyroxine plus herbs, she hasn't missed a period since and her AMH has changed from almost non-existent to fairly respectable for her age.

happy new year