Assisted conception after recurrent miscarriage part 5

[Mel3062]

Hope this is right ladies ...

Whoops should have been hearts not herts!!

I just can't imagine the utter devastation, totally horrendous. :(

AFM well, waiting for AF to show her head after the aqua scan & endo scratch done on Monday (my isn't THAT an unpleasant experience and then add the ever-lovely doxycycline into the mix, deep joy?!), which if my cycle follows the last 4 should be on Sunday. Then off we go again. I swing between wild enthusiasm and optimism (after all, OH's DNA is now removed from the mix entirely) and completely disbelief that this can possibly work (7 miscarriages and the fact that I'm now 46 with definitely diminished AFs compared to what they were before my 4th MC). It's enough to drive you crazy. Oh, and OH still doesn't know ... despite my getting my meds, more needles/syringes, and the fact that I went for the AS/scratch on Monday. He didn't even ask what I was going to the clinic in Harley Street for ... ! Sheesh. He knows now, since I said the next morning I couldn't have anything dairy for breakfast (the aforementioned ever-lovely doxy), and at last he actually asked why I was taking it. Having told him what I had done, he then didn't say any more ... ?!

I'd laugh, if it was funny.

Was it the endo scratch you found horrible Ari? How come you had to have another aqua scan, is it just something Serum like to do before each treatment cycle? What is the doxycycline?
There is no reason you shouldn't feel optimistic and every chance it could work, young donor eggs and donor sperm that shouldn't cause you any issues. I am keeping everything crossed for you and shall be reading your updates with interest.
So your oh still had no idea you are doing this round of donor ivf??! Must be very frustrating that he didn't even comment about your aqua scan/endo scratch!!

I asked the head nurse Visha at NL for a hydroxy prescription and she asked what my plans were. I said most likely d

Mr Gafar had recommended I come off the hydroxy now, was planning to stay on it until after donor egg ivf. I have one more months prescription and will probably continue for another month as thought I would give it a go naturally while waiting for ivf. I can't remember if any of you still take hydroxy? Ari is it something Serum prescribe as part of their protocol?

Pebbles what a tragedy for your poor friends. It is unthinkably awful for them, but what a hugely generous offer of them to help you. I am at IVF Spain, but I think the other clinic you mentioned is called Instituto Bernabeu which is also in Alicante. A friend of mine knows two people that have used them and they now have children, including twins!

I am just about to start our mock cycle, where you take oestrogen to thicken your womb lining, have a scan mid cycle so that they can get the levels right for your real cycle. I'm also having and endo scratch like Ari as suggested by George Ndukwe at Zita West. They have taken over all the immune side of the protocol which makes me a lot more confident as they are far more familiar with our history. We are going to Spain for a 'holiday' at the beginning of April and are hoping for the best.

Ari glad to hear you are having another go. You so deserve for this to be your time. Was the endo scratch really awful (I'm a bit nervous?).

Big HELLO to everyone else x

Good luck, Ari - your household sounds so much like my own! Except now that Penny has advised no IVF, etc. I don't have to do so much sneaking around :) So the endo scratch is while conscious?
In what way are your AFs diminished? Less bleeding? Mine also were after having my DS, dried up and scanty, only lasting 2 days, but have improved immeasurably on l-arginine.
I hope your mock cycle shows promising results, Belly.
Pebbles, last year on hydroxy I got awful debilitating labyrinthitis. Mr S said it wouldn't have been the cause, but once I had it it may have prolonged it and he advised me to stop for a couple of weeks. (I was on hydroxy until a couple of days ago, when I asked for another prescription but Mr S said no as I haven't seen him since April, and I don't think I'm going to pay for an appointment just for that.)
And your friends' tragedy is just inconceivable. You can't imagine how you'd keep going. It's every parent's worst fear; partly what keeps me going ttc again, the thought that if anything ever happened to DS, I'd have nothing in life worth living for.

Well endo scratch isn't too bad, really - you're advised to take a couple of painkillers an hour before, which I did. It's mostly like having bad AF cramps imposed on you for a few mins, nothing worse than that, which then take a little while to go. I've had a small amount of bleeding ever since, not much (but to be honest I'd expected it to have gone by now?!). It's ok, just not very pleasant. Nothing to worry about belly :) . And yes brown, you're conscious.

pebbles No Serum don't use hydroxy - they use neupogen if you have repeat implantation or miscarriage issues I think, certainly I'm on it. Serum asked me to do another aqua scan to make sure everything was still ok inside after the last miscarriage in July/August - no scarring or anything. Fortunately it appears all was ok.

If anyone wants it I do have a month's supply of hydroxy that I never used and never will.

brown Yes less bleeding ... prior to my 4th MC my AFs were always a good 5 days long, with lots of bleeding. Now they're barely 4, the 3rd day being light and the 4th very very light indeed. I don't know if that's because I'm hormonally older (peri-menopausal as Mr S said I am), to do with repeated miscarriages messing around with my hormones, or what. I also don't get any AF cramps at all - nothing. I used to get definite warning cramps the day before; now, I get nothing at all, no warning. Complete change - and it worries me whether my uterus is now capable of carrying a pregnancy properly? I don't know, but it does worry me. I do take l-arginine, but it doesn't make any difference, not that I've noticed. I've only been taking 1g a day while we weren't cycling, but I will up that to 3g a day from when AF starts. What do you take brown, if you don't mind my asking?

Well, it is hugely frustrating that OH just doesn't seem to give a monkey's, no interest at all. I did toy with the idea of seeing whether I could get another 1000€ to freeze any good left-over embies (that price also includes you doing a FET cycle if you need to) and then thought, what's the point? I just don't have the energy to keep going, when it seems I'm the only one interested. And I don't have the money to keep shelling out for meds, flights, scans, blood tests etc. I think this has to be our last attempt on so many fronts, I just pray it works. Actually I pray it works for all of us here, we've all been through so much and have had to have so much determination to keep going, we all damned well deserve our rewards!

Hi ladies
Pebbles how awful for your friend, my friend lost her son in a car crash, worst nightmare I can't even begin to understand. I'm currently having intralipid at ins, so easy! Lit later... Such fun!! Neupogen starts tomorrow :/

Yes please to the hydroxy, Ari. Mr S wouldn't give me any more until I see him which won't be quite yet and I need a few to tide me over. Thank you. God, what drug peddlers we are.
Your AFs sound just like mine - to a T; your depleted versions are my improved versions! Mine used to be extremely heavy in the olden days when I had endo but those days are long gone. I take 750mg x 2. I think.
I really hope this is the lucky cycle for you. Can you imagine never having to worry about cycles, drugs, temps, tests, ovulation ever again? What would we do with ourselves?

mel Neupogen is easy - painless, honestly. Are you using the Puregon pen to do the injection, or just a standard insulin-type syringe? And what size needle? Should be a very fine one, something like a 30g? Honestly though, the neupogen ones are just fine (and me a needle phobic!). Now talk to me about the gestone injections though, I have those coming up and I'm dreading them :(

brown PM me your address and I'll pop them in the post. I for one am looking forward to never having to worry about the huge amount of supplements I take ... never mind the pred, doxycycline, ovulation tests, etc etc!

pebbles I just realised I didn't answer one of your questions. The doxycycline is an antibiotic, and is to prevent against a chance of infection with the endo scratch. What the LFC lady said to me is if there's any chance you may have something like chlamydia, it may spread after an endo scratch and cause fertility problems. Serum routinely put you on doxy after any kind of scratch, to ensure that doesn't happen.

Thanks Brown & Ari for answering my questions.

Ari after my last scratch i spotted for about five days until af arrived. As you say it gives you period cramps but nothing to bad.

Belly let us know how the mock cycle goes, good luck.

I look forward to the day when I don't know exactly where I am in a cycle!!!

pebbles Thanks for that - that's reassured me. I was starting to worry a bit; without going into TMI, I've had mostly brown the last couple of days but then today there was threads of red mixed in. AF isn't due until at least Sunday (I'm CD25 today) and I really really don't want it coming early, it will mess up all kinds of things in terms of probably ET date!

God wouldn't that be wonderful - not to worry at all about where you are in a cycle, or what you have to do next, or take, or plan, or ... ?!

The first time I had it done Ari was by Mr Gafar and I had no spotting and virtually no cramping. This lady time was with a doctor covering for Mr Gafar and I had cramp all afternoon.

Also look forward to the day when I don't have to inject myself ever again and most of all no more steroids!!!

Ari it's a 30mu, 0.6mg single inject syringe so yes looks tiny compared to the others!! I'll start it next week I think when I'm sure ovulation has been and gone though I'm day 18 today, does it effect ovulation If you inject early??

I've never heard of neupogen affecting ovulation mel so you should be fine.

Well, AF decided to arrive Saturday, a day early (why? why?? I've never had a 25-day cycle in my life!); although I did have bleeding on Friday Penny said to count that as part of the post-endo scratch bleeding. Seemed odd to me since it was way more than I'd had for the rest of the week following the scratch, but who am I to argue?

So I started taking the drugs today CD3; different to my last cycle as this is a 'natural with oestrogen/progesterone support' cycle. I'm much happier with that, not having done the downreg first I'm happy that my body can respond as it would on any normal monthly cycle.

To say I'm nervous would be the understatement of the century! Not only because OH still isn't aware of what's going on ... although he will be when I have to jab my first Clexane tonight, not looking forward either to doing it or his reaction! Also worried that my immune system will play silly buggers again - I know this is a DD cycle, so our DQa problem won't come into it, but I still have something of a ferocious immune system. The 10mg pred I've been on for a month and a half has done little to calm the immune issues I have and although Penny's switched me to dexamethasone, which is stronger, it still only equates to 13mg pred. Ok we're adding in neupogen (again) and ILs, but I just hope that my immune system doesn't do it's usual and just kill anything off.

But also because this absolutely is our last go - has to be; not only is there nowhere I could get any money from for another cycle, I really do feel like I've come to the end of my mental tether. I so empathise with everyone who has had the thought that actually it would be a relief to stop right now, and never have to worry any more about drugs, scans, miscarriages, etc. I've just about got enough mental oomph to get me through this cycle, but I pray to anything listening that it works because I really can't do this all again, finances aside. So .. if it doesn't work (and I hope that it does), then that will be that.

ILs booked for next Monday (guessing at 8 days before ET) and lining/ovarian activity scan for next Tuesday. Both on the calendar, doubt OH has seen either!

Wish me luck for his reaction tonight ... ! :)

/waves to everyone - mel, how are you getting on with the neupogen?

Good luck ari I hope it works for you. Where are you having the ILs?

Waves to everyone else!

Ari I desperately hope this works for you and sending you lots and lots of sticky vibes!!!!!! It's just all so expensive isn't it? I think apart from not having the money after a certain point it gets hard to justify. I certainly couldn't justify another round with my own eggs!

Anyway I hope oh is ok and more understanding than you think he will be as you could do without the added stress!

Where do you have scan and intralipids done?

Big hugs.x

Thanks sue and pebbles. pebbles I do hope you're right about OH but as far as I can see he's ignoring it all as much as possible :( . He's stressing me out probably more than the actual cycle!

I always go to INS for my ILs, they're really good and very cheap compared to anywhere else. For the scan, I'm a bit miffed as the clinic I've used before (only 10 mins drive from work and cheaper than anywhere else I've seen) have apparently stopped doing them! I found somewhere else, very close to where I get my blood tests done, which is about 15 mins from home, and they're only £10 more than the other place, so I'm going there.

You're so right about the expense pebbles - it's not just the cost of the IVF, or even the meds on top of it, but add in scans, ILs, blood tests, and then time to get to and from all of these things - that's where it really gets trouble.

sue How are you doing, and where are your thoughts in TTCing next? You too pebbles - are you and DH recovered from your lurgy yet?

Good luck ari, so hope it works out. Men are funny creatures aren't they?! Neupogen I did last night, it was ok thanks I've even got used to the clexane now but have bought some arnica for the bruising though they are minimum!

Ins are amazing I'm wondering if it's worth me getting train just to get them done. Healthcare at home are on prescription no 2 and just decided to ring today to book me in for them.. Umm bit late!!

How far is it for you to go mel? They really are very good, but would it be too much of an inconvenience for you time-wise (not to mention cost-wise)? Arnica - I used that and didn't find it helped at all, even taking the pillules as well as the cream. Maybe I'm just one of those that arnica doesn't help for! Do you find it's helping you?

Not needed to try it to be honest as bruises are not bad compared to the tinzerparin. I live in York so maybe it's worth paying the extra £60 to not have the hassle of travelling providing healthcare at home can book me in of course x

I found arnica didn't work for me either. I still have some bruises from the clexane used last April in my cancelled ivf. Think I will be left with them now!

ari we are TTC naturally at the moment. I am still taking hydroxy and vits but have stopped preds and acupuncture. It's nice to feel myself again as the steroids made me feel low. I have been concentrating on losing steroid/pregnancy weight so have lost just over a stone so pleased with the effort and its good to concentrate on something else!

I'm toying with the idea of doing some super OV rounds in the spring if TTC doesn't work but DH will not be pleased. He doesn't want to spend any more money on the baby quest so I am trying to save up! At the back of my mind I am also considering DE in Spain next year if super OV doesn't work. All the talk of DE on here has swayed my thinking. Plus it have relatives living in alicante with a large villa we could stay in for a " holiday". Again I would have to save up for it. Not sure what to do as I don't want to waste money doing SO if my eggs are now crap!
I too just want closure now!