I HATE MUMSNET: Why one mum thinks the parenting website is smug, patronising and vicious

[morningpaper]

night night

Exactly what Wilf said.

I think when someone needs real support, MN is astonishing.

When they're taking a position, we challenge them if we disagree. It would be the Fifties bloody odd if we didn't - we're grown-ups and so are they.

I've not doubt "that" thread did hurt a lot of people...over the pages and pages of vitriol split out into it.
That's my point. There is a lot of cruel, judgemental people here and moderators who allow such threads to run and run when time should have been called on them sooner.

Well, I have found a lot of what she said to be true. Mn has changed for the worse sadly, over the past few years.

I hardly post anymore.

However, since her article is in the DM it has immediately lost any credence anyway.

i thought mn had changed- for better.less cliquey.bigger is better

I think there is a lot of fantastic advice and support available on MN.

There is also a lot of bitching, snobbery, pedantic arguing, obsessiveness with certain topics and childishness.
It is still the premier parenting site and deserves to be.
I can see where the journalist in the DM today was coming from.
I wonder if she'd have been slated quite so badly if she'd been writing for The Guardian.

i have only just joined mumsnet....so i will hold judgement for now .... i usually use netmums website

A lot of people having strong views does not constitute bullying. And a lot of people slagging off someone in the news does not constitute bullying.

i think they may have gotten MN confused with johnnieforeigner.net

they're tooootal bitches over there with their 'foreign ways'.

Yes, there is snobbishness and smugness on MN And everywhere else in life. Is it really news that a large group of people will include some snobs/bigots/zealots? Perhaps I should write an article on why water-coolers/rest-rooms should be banned from offices. Smoking areas should be banned in case people start conversations. Pubs should be silent.

Personally, I'm shocked that not everyone in DD's playground speaks to me - and some of them even seem to have their own groups of friends! How can that be? Or is it just that MN is one huge school gate, which is what I love about it. I can dip in and out of conversations, and if there is a particularly militant BFer or Fruit Shoot representative, I can decide whether or not I wish to talk to them.

Why can't the majority of posters just accept this woman is entitled to her opinion? That is how she finds MN.
Instead there's been bitchy, spiteful comments, accusations that she must have flounced off after getting on the wrong side of you or she must be a troll.
Can't you just accept some people will find it overally cliquey, childish, competitive etc and will move on somewhere else or better still, leave these sites alone unless you need specific advice?
Is it really that much fun arguing over and over and over again the tired old breast versus bottle debate? Well is it? Why are those threads so popular? Is it really because people feel so passionately about it? Maybe. But it's also because posters know there's likely to be a big scrap involved, names will be called and fur will fly. Still, I guess that's us women for you.

Am a bit confused because the Daily Mail used to run a MumsNet column every week lifting stuff from discussion threads. Plus there were always articles in the Mail where they went on about MN. So why does it now print this rant saying it hates MN? I'm new here so I don't know, but it looks like there has been a big falling out...

Well Roys there are but

there are also nice thoughtful posts athat say nothing nasty at all. I know this as I wrote one of them.

MN is massively useful if you have a problem and need support, its along time ago now but those of us who are veterans of the Maude fundraisewr / sitting up all night with Misdee to see if her DH had a heart (I sat up for one then gave up on the night- typical!) / OJ and MB / and now the annual santa run know that MN has a real heart and a warm side.

Anyone who has needed real SN help knows that there is a very supportivce community over there.

If the article stops people coming over, then maybe they would best be suited to NM / Bounty etc- and why not? God forbid that there's an MN Monopoly on aprenting advice, there need to be as many sources as there are types of aprenting.

But if it scares off one person who really needs us then that person has been done an injustive by the DM-someone facing SN, being abused, widowed- that's what we do bst. And that person might not know they need help yet, their moment might come in a year ot three. But when it does, its a shame if they lose out on that becuase of something they read once.

I just do not understand why we can't live and let live....... that means acccepting that MN is not OK for some, and also that MN is pretty fab for others.

oh roy.

''Who has still got her kid in nappies aged 4

OOh and I did until he was 6.

Double de ner.

"Is it really that much fun arguing over and over and over again the tired old breast versus bottle debate? Well is it? Why are those threads so popular? Is it really because people feel so passionately about it? Maybe. But it's also because posters know there's likely to be a big scrap involved, names will be called and fur will fly."

Or maybe it's because the members of MN keep changing. Aren't new members entitled to ask for opinion and advice? One of the things I dislike about MN is when a new poster asks about P&T spaces or formula, everyone reaches for the popcorn and there's a flood of 'ooh not again'. How the hell are they supposed to know that? And why should they care? If we drew a line under it every time a topic was discussed then this would be a pretty quiet place.

This place pisses me off like no other place I've been and I have flounced recently, which is why I no longer have my beloved original posting name (I'm no one interesting in case anyone wonders! ), but that pales into insignificance beside the MN Santa, or the shedloads of stuff that was sent to Trinity, or the support for OJ and Steve, or for another poster who was burgled. That is why MN is the place it is, and anyone who wants to write a load of vitriolic bollocks just because they found it too cliquey can get to soddery.

Roysrolls

'Maybe those people who were vicious on that particular thread (the disabled child given away into care)were or have been in the same situation, ie) caring for a child with special needs. Does that give them the right to judge and condemn someone else who could not or did not want to cope?
That is what I mean by being cruel and judgemental.'

Well I dont know if you mean the one or two of the very many threads on that subject I was on.

I certainly know I los it a bit on one.

Why?

because it was that very day that DH and I were sitting down to decide if keeping our son in the family home full time was feasable and if we would have to at the very elast share foster care at some point in the future (he has SN, albeit one that is often considered lesser, and very serious comorbids and behavioural issues that palce him in the extreme necessitating 24/7 supervision.

The way it seems to me- if someone is expecting us to show understanding of someone elses decision, someone we neither know or who was there tocare, then they certainly need to be aware that real life people might be in completely the wrong palce to be hit with that thread and may react accordingly.

I wish I ahd never seen that thread and posted on it, I don'tregret what I said though- certainly not something I do often, telling someone to fuck off, but you know what? I deserved to be allowed that breakdown, becuase it can hurt that sort of crap.

Roys, you seem to have quite a negative view of your entire sex: on the one hand, you are unsurprised by bitchiness from "us women" when we talk to each other; and yet you are disappointed in us "as mothers", who should presumably always exude the milk of human kindness (until we start shrieking at each other about whether it should come from a breast or a bottle, I assume).

Here are my thoughts: sometimes people, when they talk, are snippy and disagreeable; sometimes they are warm and funny. Women can be mean/kind to other women AND men, and vice-versa.

None of the interactions you are descibing are very different to a bunch of guys and the odd female poster on IMDB discussing The Godfather vs Apocalypse now- in fact, it is probably a little more civilised over here, and at least some posters are very well-informed.

This is one corner of the internet which is NOT characterised by either illiterate abusiveness or txt spk and tickers. I quite like it. The journalist in the Mail doesn't- but the reasons she states for this are inaccurate stereotypes, and I think your ideas about how we "should" post on an adult forum are veering in that direction too.

RockBird good post.

I've lost count of the times I've explained why we find P&T spaces so essential, or why I park in them with my older boys.... and I am happy to do that becuase I know that each time new people read it, and if I sit and yell popcorn then I can't expect people to udnerstand my POV.

Just because I pushed a human being out of my vagina does not mean I only want to talk about my 'little lady' and how I am going to lose my 'baby weight', 'hun'. Sorry DM!

In fact it's made using the word cunt all the more necessary!

oh me too rockbird i just wish FrayBentos did a vegetarian option (mushroom pie? curry veg pie?) or even a fish one.. it would be sooooo yummy.

It's a poorly written article with nothing of any interest to say.

DOn't think the journalist has changed her style much since trainee days.