I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

[Bubble99]

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

Totally get your take on things Rhubarb.

Bubble99 - I haven't seen any of the other posts you mention, or the main ones, I have not been on them, so my view was not based on anyones comments. I can understand your views from this thread.

Okay, when I have told friends about the Mile for Maude (old mumsnetters absent for a while) there have been two different reactions. Those who said how terrible it is what happened and those who cried about it. Neither are wrong, neither are better.
I draw the same line here. There will be those who can say its horrible, and those that will cry.

Can we all just accept that we react to things differently and by bitching about peoples reactions undermines the way they have reacted to things all their lives?

I honestly dont think the vast majority of poeple are in competition to see who is more upset, or who is more horrorfied.

Add it up, divide it or subtract what you like, the answer will come back to the same - a little girl is missing.

VVVQV, you read my mind.

I cry quietly and try not to let dh see. I keep imagining the feelings of those involved. It hurts more because those children have suffered so much fear and you could not prevent it. I just keep putting my children in their place and it gets unbearable. I shouldn't do that I know, but at night it is all that goes through my head!

So I do know how other people feel and if lighting a virtual candle helps them feel more at peace, then so be it.

i'm off.

like i said, afaics this thread is not about you rhubarb.

Agree Elf, which is what my original post tried to say.

Nobody's reaction is wrong. It is just different to yours. Instead of criticising try understanding. Look to understand why they feel the need to find out every fact about the case and discuss and analyse. Stop to think about why they might do that and you will be a step closer to understanding.

No problems with candles, Rhub. None at all. That's a good and positive response.

BTW. I have re-applied for the position of 'Rhub's Stalker.'

Do I get the job??

You are right sophable. It isn't. And I don't mean to make it so.

So I shall retire too.

Well, thats because I am very sensitive too rhubarb

May I ask two questions?

1. what happened on the candle thread, I never read that?
2. why should we "beware the person who says they are sensitive"?

Don't go ruhbarb..You have a lot of support here..This thread can be about whatever we want it to be about..we don't need permission to talk about our own feelings..You open up all you want...and thank you ruhbarb for sharing your feelings and anxieties..its made me feel not so alone in mine.(isn't that what mumsnett is about..supporting each other)

can't we just drop it?

Dont go - you write my own feelings with much more eloquence and far better spellings

i think she's just gone to bed, dora, don't worry.

Iam off to bed too..its late for me.

Actually I don't think it was a link to a paedophile site - it was a link to a newspaper that was speculating about paedophile rings - not a pleasant story but completely different to a paedophile site.

Rhubarb, thanks for your honesty, I think a lot of people must feel like you do and you expressed it very well. I have not allowed myself to think about it.

I think some of the posts on this thread should be deleted as a sign of respect to GGG. Sophable, i am saddened by that post.

SORRY WHAT????

I have met GGG. I really like GGG. I am so so sad for what her family has been through.

the point I was making and I made it at the time was that there was some competitive stuff going on around that that made me angry then.

I don't wish to "censor" anybody's posts either, but I do feel like resuming my former post as VVVQV's stalker.

I don't wake up everyday thinking of Madeleine, but when some things prompt me, Ido begin hoping and thinking of her. Much in the same way as of other children at risk of very serious harm.

I DO have a VERY strong reaction on seeing little girls cry, or just in distress. Not so much for little boys. But I very rarely ventilate on these thoughts and feelings to others.

Judging on 'how' peeps should react to such matters is an unhealthy thing to do, for those judging.

oh it's still going on I see.

That's good.

I do HONESTLY worry about people's mental health when they obsess about this sort of thing

Once you start ABSORBING other people's suffering in such a personal and intense way, it can be very difficult to extricate yourself and the boundary between reality/unreality can start to break down

I would SERIOUSLY advise anyone who is feeling very strongly about this case to consider whether they need emotional support in some way, and/or to avoid the story as much as they can

Agree with MP.

Me too.

Or, maybe, some people are just naturally more sensitive than others?

I think, that statement is rather harsh MP, and somewhat "black and white" in its perspective.

I've managed a good 31 years being sensitive to other people, without being sectioned yet

Unless you count PND of course........

MrM - I've missed my personal stalker

That's how i remain emotionally detached. I just try not to think about the minutae. I have also not had some of the training and and not privvy to the information regarding crime etc and how these things are disected as one person has.

I witnessed a suicide recently. It happened in front of a group of around 10 people. I guarentee we all have coped/absorbed it differently.

It's affected me because what those parents are going through is every parent's worse nightmare. Of course I desperately hope the child is found alive and well but if she isn't, I won't grieve for her because she isn't mine. That's not to say I won't be deeply saddened by it because the death of a child is always sad. But 3mths from now I won't still be feeling sad but her parents will still be grieving.

I don't think that people expressing sadness and horror at what has happened in any way suggests that they believe they are going through the same nightmare as her parents.

I started the thread requesting deletion because I was concerned about the feeling of a possible bereaved parent. Prompted partly by a post from someone who'd had a conversation with Sara Payne in which she said she'd trawled the internet reading everything written and about how upset she'd been by hurtful comments.

However, just because I'm not losing sleep over this nor too anxious to leave DS at nursery, does not mean that the feeling of those that are should be ridiculed.

Why the hell are we bitching about who has the highest moral ground here?
Only the parents and family are truly devastated but you don't have to have lost a child yourself to feel empathy towards them.