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Original poster

I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

475 replies

Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 21:27

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:33

No no no, I am not saying that about empathy! Oh bugger it! People are more sensitive to this kind of thing than others. I used to be able to switch off from this, now I cannot. That is what I am talking about. Yes you could say that I too am mentally unwell, but sometimes being able to tap into other peoples feelings can also be a good thing for them. But knowing when to switch off is better. Unfortunately I have lost that. I suspect others suffer the same thing.

I am just trying to explain.

Sorry.

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2007 22:33

x-posted with rhubarb. i don't think you've made anything worse, not at all.

scotswyf · 09/05/2007 22:33

I think what upsets me is that the media get to decide what it is that may or may not affect our emotions. Our empathies are directed towards what has happened to this particular family.
I remember reading that when the Soham murders happened another girl was taken and murdered in the same week. For various reasons, that story wasn't covered. Less newsworthy, less likely to elicit empathy from the average uk family.
I don't want to sound cynical, I'm not really.... I just find it intrusive and unequal and have to try to put things in perspective. There are many tragic unspeakable things happening to defenceless children all over the world.

NKF · 09/05/2007 22:33

I think to say "be grateful it's not you" is rather gruesome thing. Take extra joy in one's own child being safe because it's a reminder of human vulnerability. That is positive. So is saying a prayer for the missing child and her family. But to go on and on about paedophile gangs is not wholesome. And I think if it is tapping into fears to the extent you can't sleep at night, then there may well be other problems going on.

ruty · 09/05/2007 22:34

i too have suffered from depression quite a bit rhubarb. and i suffer from terrible nightmares too. maybe that has something to do with it.

NKF · 09/05/2007 22:34

Rhubarb, it's not about "switching off" or not being sensitive. It's about understanding levels and types of emotion. And not confusing one sort with another.

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:34

sophable - yes being wounded does open you up to this. Sorry I used shortened versions of the children's names.

Heathcliffscathy · 09/05/2007 22:34

oh FFF...do i know you and if so what is your problem and if not what is your problem?

I don't feel the need to perform eloquently. you know exactly what i meant.

I don't feel that I'm attacking rhubarb and therefore wonder about your need to defend her.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 22:35

We have all been afected by this story. As parents and as human beings, of course we have.

What I have been offended by is the 'guillotine knitters' who have popped up on every thread regarding this.

OP posts:
mommajools · 09/05/2007 22:35

Noddy - we can feel sick for that child - worrying and wondering where she is , how she is feeling etc and fear/anxiety/worry for our own children because that child has been stolen from her parents by a strange man/woman but our own children are safe but we know fro this case and other cases that there are sickos who do prey on children and it is always a thought at the back of our minds - this is why parents panic when they lose their kid for a few minutes in busy places

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:35

Sorry I said the "grateful" thing, I didn't mean it the way it was taken.

fireflyfairy2 · 09/05/2007 22:36

Rhubarb, who is that in your profile pic?

Heathcliffscathy · 09/05/2007 22:36

OH RHUBARB. DON'T APOLOGISE.

you are obviously really vulnerable. and this thread is not about you. bubble has said so. i'm saying so.

fwiw it sounds like you are in a dark place at the moment and need to take care of yourself and that involves staying away from this sort of newstory imo.

FairyMum · 09/05/2007 22:36

Agree with Bubble99. Very good OP!

MamaMaiasaura · 09/05/2007 22:36

Rhub - I wasnt trying to be unkind when I said I understand and that may be related to anxiety. It is nothing to feel bad about. I remember how I couldnt sleep and tossed and turned when I had PND. Was terrified someone would snatch ds away. I am just saying that it amy be because your are more vuneralbe at the moment that this is affecting you so much in the way it is stopping you sleeping etc. xx

Dora74 · 09/05/2007 22:36

Ruhbarb..I totally understand what you are saying. I too suffer bouts of depression and it took me a long time to realise that my extreme anxiety concerning my children was a symptom of that. The thought of my child being taken from her bedroom is now scareing me...Iam much more worried than normal about taking my eye of her for a split second..and have started to wake up at night worrying about center parcs.
Would I tell anyone this in RL...no...but I hope i can admit it here.

NKF · 09/05/2007 22:37

Don't apologise Rhubarb. I'm unecessarily cranky this evening.

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2007 22:38

rhuby, you've expressed yourself perfectly, i completely get it. your response is completely decent, it seems to me. but i htink that has not been the case for some of the more prominent ambulance-chasers on this subject. (oh, would that there were an ambulance to chase in this instance...)

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:38

Yes I have nightmares too about violent and horrible things happening to my kids.

I think it has tapped into a fear we all share about something terrible happening to our kids. Some people want every piece of info they can on the case so they can reassure themselves it will never happen to them; others will get angry and not want to know because they fear it happening to them; others will get tearful and upset because they imagine it happening to them.

NKF · 09/05/2007 22:39

Agree with Aitch.

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:40

fairyfly, it's an irrelevant picture of the baby I once used to win the Calpol beauty comp.

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2007 22:40

likewise Dora, i've not noticed you on the more mawkish threads, you're obviously managing your anxieties in as sensitive a way as you can right now.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/05/2007 22:41

Ditto absolutely everything that Rhubarb said - except DD has a pooh bear pillow, and DS has "big foot" bear. Oh, and I dont pray, as such....

I really do feel heavy in my 'heart' about this. If she is still alive, I cant help thinking how terrified or distressed she is feeling. If she isnt, I cant help think about the unnecessary torture her parents are going through, not knowing if she is alive or dead. Why does it upset me? I dont know...I dont know these people. But, lots of things like this upset me. I cant even begin to go near the James Bulger stuff because it is truly heartbreaking, the stuff that tiny little child went through. Or even the toddlers who's mother got them to fight and punch each other - again, it made me cry to think about how frightened/distressed they would have been.

I'm a very sensitive person. Thats me. I think it bodes well for many positive reasons on here - I can empathise with folk, offer a shoulder, understand, and give advice from the heart - I can give a great deal from being this way. It also means I am deeply tuned in to the sad stuff, and it affects me. I'm sorry - I wont have it that this is not a good thing.

I'm not about to start lighting candles or accost anyone and everyone in the street to talk about it, but, it is very much in the forefront of my mind, and as such, colours most things I think and talk about at the moment.

"live and let live" copyright Thomcat.

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:44

sophable you can't keep away from this as it's all over the Media and Mumsnet.

But I didn't understand why threads such as the nice candle one went wrong.

I do understand the need for the updates one as I guess that those are the people who desperately need reasurrance that it will not happen to them.

I also understand those who don't want to hear about it.

But I was trying to explain that we all deal with it differently and we should just accept that and try to understand instead of criticise and name call.

FiveFingeredFiend · 09/05/2007 22:44

your post of 21.21. and 21.55 seemed to lack sensitivity to me Sophable hence my comments. If you would care to look on say the thread about bank charges i have been 'bouncer' to a poster there. By 'bouncer' do you mean to undermine someone who defends/states/points out something with which you don't agree?

You last post however was very sensitive long may it continue.