I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

[Bubble99]

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

Competitive grief.

Competitive disinterest.

It is equally FUCKING distateful in my book.

You are all making mileage out of this child's situation one way or another!

Why are you posting about it then ?

sorry haven't had time to read all the thread through properly, but yes, i've been avoiding watching the news ( i'm normally a news junkie)to avoid the situation and the way it's being picked over.
it's slightly reminding me of diana's death, the collective group 'concern' ('grief') when normally people don't give each other the time of day.

The impression I am getting from all this is that the more people post about not liking what other people are posting the more other people are posting/defending themselves. It is all getting a bit hysterical.- There must be about 10 threads usually started with an expression of moral outrage about, or a criticism of what has been posted on (or the direction of) a previous thread.

Sorry Dogbollox (like the name) but by posting you are increasing the tension to be honest. I kept off the other entire thead until I wanted to pick the news out, started another which developed into a bunfight, if you really feel like that, why say it on the thread really.

Lets start a thread saying that all sympathisers can post whatever and another saying you are all cunts then. That way everyone will be happy.

Oh for heaven's sake, no-one who isn't make a song and dance about how much this has affected them are disputing that human beings are social animals. And I think it's bloody cheeky to say some people are more 'sensitive' than others. As if those who aren't weeping and wailing are insensitive. I feel very sorry for the poor parents and of course it sends a shiver down your spine but I don't feel the need to lose any sleep over it because, for me, it would seem like making it about me, not the poor parents. I worked with someone during the Nato bombing of Kosovo who came into work complaining that she couldn't sleep because she was so worried. Seemed appalling insensitivity to me, trying to put her feelings on a par with people who were being effing bombed.

Given that the woman whose life is most profoundly affected by all this is managing to conduct herself with great dignity, then perhaps we could all show a little respect and do the same?

Part of what makes us human is not simply that we are capable of emotion but that we are able to run our emotions and not have them run us.

have only read first few posts. agree with op and sophable

I hope that this is not an oblique reference Bubble:

"Ms Wade at The Sun is probably ordering T-shirts as we speak."

I cannot get the abduction out of my head. I think of her mother and it goes round and round.

I am not smiling. I do not consider myself voyeuristic or sick.

I think 'there but for the Grace of God go I' and I can relate myself and my family to the McCann family and desperately want and hope that she is found alive.

Discussion is human nature; rightly or wrongly. I am with Sophable on this.

I honestly do think that the threads following this are inappropriate. Yes it is every mother's worse nightmare but so is losing a child to illness and starvation and that happens to thousands of mothers every day. It is only the media fueling this need.

I honestly think that if people are feeling very stressed by this then they need to step back or give some thought to their mental health. Having had a psychotic breakdown, the first signs that happened to me were a blurring of the lines between my feelings and other people's feelngs - I started to feel what other people 'were' feeling, absorbing what was on the news or in film or on television. Maintaining a sense of disinterest/disassociation stops us from going mad at the thought of all the mothers whose babies die EVERY DAY.

So I would say that if someone is feeling personally stressed by these events which are happening to a family that none of us know, then it is really important to listen to those feelings and to recognise that they are not going to help your overall mental health.

Well said morningpaper, I tried to say something similar in an earlier thread about the media but was caught up in all the other bickering so I don't think anyone noticed!

I think this story is important to people because they put themselves in the place of the McCanns. We try to make a world for our children where if its too scary for Cbeebies it doesn't exist. We all know that horrible things happen to children, but alot of the time we can distance ourselves from them because they happen to children far away or in a situation where we can clearly say that the parents were at fault - our children wouldn't be in that situation - we are in control. This kind of story shows that we aren't.

In Malaysia 300 children go missing every year
In Jamaica 100 children go missing every year
There are thousands of children missing in countries like Zimbabwe - never mind places like Iraq and Afghanistan
In many ways it is a bit sad that we only get profoundly moved when the child of a nice white middle class consultant from Britain goes missing
But at the same time unless those feelings can appropriately move you to action, it is important to get a sense of perspective or you will find it very hard to cope

I have said nothing on any of these topics yet, but have watched in horror as self-righteous bullshit has come from all sides.

I am shocked by the cynicism that wishes to write off any reaction to the events as sick or voyeuristic. It strikes me as yet another 'pseudo-intellectual' stance that easily trips off the tongue.

Any normal parent on hearing the news would feel a shiver down their spine. It is like a bad dream, and in some ways, that explains people's reaction. Like a bad dream it seems to be the brain's way of rehearsing how they would react if it ever did happen to them.

I don't see anyone claiming to be affected by it in anything other than an empathetic way. The mother has openly stated that the support of the villagers has given her strength.

Surely voyeurism is in the eye of the beholder? How can you assert so vehemently that someone else is behaving like a voyeur unless you personally perceive it that way?

It must be a British thing to be appalled at "excessive" emotion or its public display.

ye and hoorah for it
fari enogu if you knew this girl btu to ocme on a website for & days and tlak aotu he fact that ther eis NO NEWS she isnt aroudn and its gettign HGHLY unliekley that they will find her tbh

optimistic as ever, I see

Well said Cloudhopper. Its only voyeristic because you label it so. People 'deal' in different ways - be that a public display or a personal, anxious wait. Nobody is 'owning' it - for everyone posting on here there will be 3 quietly hoping and praying. So what? Different strokes.....

How can anyone be so ignorant and cynical to think that becasue you don't know someone you can't feel empathy for them - it's what makes the world go around. I am so glad that I don't only feel emotions for people I personally "know" what an awful world it would be if everyone felt like that.
Just don't get posters with problems with feeling compassion, what a horrible way to live.

ggglimpopo I x-posted with you and did not want your post to be unacknowledged - I'm sure that the media coverage of this is particularly hard for you and your family

empathy is not the same as demanding to be treated as if you were a family member though (eg in demanding updates even when there is no news, etc).

I'm not saying that no-one should feel anything when they hear about tragic events like those in Portugal, but that those feelings should be kept in perspective. Sadly, children die horrible deaths every day all over the world, but there is no public wailing for them is there? Some of the emotion on display with regard to this case is not "excessive" so much as fake in most cases imo.

No mp; it is ok. I can chose whether I want to read it. The french coverage is concise and to the point and free of the rife speculation in the UK.

But yes, perhaps I over empathise.