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Original poster

I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

475 replies

Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 21:27

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

OP posts:
mum2sons · 09/05/2007 22:24

I agree, Rhubarbs post hit the nail on the head.

Empathy is a powerful emotion. I think some of us have it stronger than others.

I also believe that the fears that us mums have are brought to life when awful things happen, even to other people`s babies.

Most of the time I avoid reading about child deaths/abductions etc as it jolts me out of my comfort zone and makes me so down.

I feel sick thinking about what has happened to that child. I can`t help it.

Dora74 · 09/05/2007 22:24

Ruhbarb..i totally agree..
I suffer terribly with anxiety..and this has knocked me for six....I don't want to feel this way but i just can't help it. I think about it at night..in the morning..i worry about our trip to center parcs even.
I know iam "wrong" to feel this way...but i can't shake it..The thought that something like this can happen absoutely terrifes me.
I think posting here is bit like a support group..(i just hope I don't get called a freak)

noddyholder · 09/05/2007 22:25

I don't think you can feel sick for that child but can feel sick at the thought of a child being taken in that way.

FiveFingeredFiend · 09/05/2007 22:25

Sophable, delightfully sensitive yourself i see.

quietmouse · 09/05/2007 22:26

why can't we feel sick for that child?

I don't understand that.

Only the people who feel it can say how they feel.

ruty · 09/05/2007 22:26

hang on saying some people have more empathy than others is a bit like competitive grief Not sure i go with what you are saying rhubarb.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 22:27

Posting here about your sadness/feelings about this is a whole lot different to discussing in detail what may or may not be happening/have happened to this child.

A whole lot different.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 09/05/2007 22:27

it is a genuine question. it is what i believe about this...what rhubarb is describing and others on this thread, is that she is hugely affected by the suffering of children....in a way that suggests that she relates directly to that.

are you her bouncer?

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:27

I am going to regret getting into this but let me be very very honest.

I knew Maude personally so that is different I guess?

Yes, do be grateful that it is not you. Is that so strange to say? I am grateful that so far a tragedy has not hit my life or my kids. Perhaps I am paranoid that it will. I suffer from depression from time to time, that past few weeks have been very very bad. I guess this is all part of it.

I don't know what is normal parenting. I know that I can't sleep through imagining a similar thing happening to my own kids. Would you believe that I still get paranoid about a Dunblane happing at dd's school or ds's nursery? These things affect me more than I would like to admit. And I don't admit it because I am scared of being misunderstood. Scared of being judged. Scared of being told that I am sick in some way.

As I said. I believe that some of this stems from what I learnt when I studied the Jamie Bulger case for Criminology. It disturbed me. Heavens knows how it affected those involved.

Stupid as it sounds I can actually tap into peoples feelings. Even if that situation hasn't actually happened to me. I wish I couldn't at times because I am very sensitive to other peoples emotions. It's not something I talk about to dh even, but here I am telling you lot. Laying myself open to goodness knows what!

I don't know what I am trying to say. I just don't like it when people dismiss the feelings of others so offhandedly. You can't do that.

ruty · 09/05/2007 22:27

it does annoy me that people don't call the little girl by her proper name.

UCM · 09/05/2007 22:27

How are we all falling out over something that each and every one of us, good or bad, knows about - YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, losing a child?

I am for once perplexed with Mumsnet.

quietmouse · 09/05/2007 22:28

hardly any one did that Bubble99. And those that did were told it was inappropriate iirc.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/05/2007 22:28

i dont think anyone is less or more sensitive or empathic than nayone else. i think the way people deal with these things s very different.

MissGolightly · 09/05/2007 22:28

Also who is to say what constitutes true empathy? Why is it more sensitive/empathetic to go on MN and bang on about your feelings hour after hour, rather than kiss your baby goodnight and feel quietly and devoutly thankful for what you have and sorry for what others are missing?

I agree that this is competitive grief. She who posts longest is not necessarily she who feels most.

ruty · 09/05/2007 22:29

agree with that rhubarb but that is more about our personal anxieties around our own children.

MamaMaiasaura · 09/05/2007 22:29

agree fireflyfairy. I have been described as being empathic with patient needs as a nurse. It doesnt mean that I am tossing and turning over this news story as tragic as it is. I hugged my ds that little bit closer, as I expect we all did. Cannot begin to imagine her parents worry and wouldnt presume to try and say I understand. I think that is a very wrong thing to do.

When suffering PND I remember having irrational fears for ds's safety related to current or past news stories, but I was 'mentally unwell' at the time. Not what I would call a 'gift'

Rhubarb · 09/05/2007 22:30

Actually if people are going to start throwing stones at me now I don't think I could take that. Sorry. For once I am being clumsy with words. I didn't want to turn this into me, I was just trying to explain how some people can feel personally touched by this. Instead I have done more harm. Harm only to me I hope.

MamaMaiasaura · 09/05/2007 22:30

well said missgolightly

Original poster
Bubble99 · 09/05/2007 22:31

I'm not dismissing anyones feelings, Rhub.

What I am dismissing is their need to endlessly and ghoulishly speculate about the fate of this child.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 09/05/2007 22:31

rhubarb....i'm so sorry that you've been depressed. i can quite see how this might affect you given that. i also think that being wounded leads to massive sensitivity to these kinds of events, which is kind of what i'm saying.

AitchTwoOh · 09/05/2007 22:31

i'm interested in what rhubarb has to say, she seems to put into words the feelings of a lot of people. it's not necessarily invalid to care about the fact that a child is missing, we all care.
but i'd like to point out that Rhuby has not been evident on the 'i feel sick/any news/paedophile ring' threads. so she can't be accused of the competitive grieving that has made people wary. i think what she has to say is interesting, but i'm glad that she's not been saying it on a half-hourly basis across the many threads on the subject, unlike others.

fireflyfairy2 · 09/05/2007 22:32

{{{{{Rhubarb}}}}}

FiveFingeredFiend · 09/05/2007 22:32

Bouncer? What a strange thing to say as a deflection. Sophable you are far more eloquant than that.

MamaMaiasaura · 09/05/2007 22:32

x posts Rhubarb, actually think that it may be part of anxiety. I do understand that it can be very frightening tho.

Heathcliffscathy · 09/05/2007 22:33

i don't think 'mentally unwell' is a useful phrase tbh.

depression and all so called mental illnesses are about our own pain and hurt, our wounds. imo.