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Original poster

Ok, in light of baysmum's posting. Can we have a show of hands for deletion of threads.

194 replies

homemama · 06/05/2007 20:28

I can't believe I'm posting this as I don't actually agree with thread deletion other than in extreme circumstances. However, Baysmum has confirmed that Madeleine's mum is likely to be a Mnetter and if not then her close friends and family certainly are.

Whilst I would have no objection to them reading anything I have posted, I'm horrified to think that we (collectively) may cause the family any more distress either now or in the future.

Therefore, if most participants of the threads agree then perhaps MNHQ will agree also.
Thanks

OP posts:
Tamum · 06/05/2007 22:07

No. For the same reasons as wannabe just said.

scatterbrain · 06/05/2007 22:07

That's what I said a few minutes ago ! Everyone ignored me ! Too busy having their own important little say !

JodieG1 · 06/05/2007 22:07

I've just read a thread on a non parenting forum and their remarks were much worse. They said what some here did but they'll be no deleting or pulling threads there.

NKF · 06/05/2007 22:08

I know, Wannabe. It baffles me too. Also, the statements that someone is a "mumsnetter." Like it was part of their identity.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 06/05/2007 22:08

nkf if the thread is deleted, there will be a thread in a couple of days time saying "what happened to the madeleine mccann thread? upon which someone will explain that it was deleted, someone will ask why, someone else will say that it was because it was distasteful, someone else who posted on it and feels they were harshly judged will come on and defend their corner, and it will all kick off again, and in time it will be deleted. and then in a couple of days time a thread will appear asking "...." ...

NKF · 06/05/2007 22:10

Wannabe. It could all get a bit 1984. We can't discuss the missing officials because according to the records, they don't exist any more.

lyrabelacqua · 06/05/2007 22:11

WWW, and each time it gets rehashed it will just be the negative stuff without any of the positive.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 06/05/2007 22:11

and what happens if these threads are deleted and she's found? will we not be allowed to discuss it?

NKF · 06/05/2007 22:12

They never existed. The thread never existed. All reference to the thread are examples of wrong-think.

I'm off to have a bath. I expect on my return to see all references to working mothers has been deleted on the grounds that some posts were judgemental.

NuttyMuffins · 06/05/2007 22:12

Sorry but anyone who votes NO, is only thinking of themselves and NOT the family IMO.

Would you seriously want the family to read some of the comments on here ?? That is just heartless.

lucy5 · 06/05/2007 22:13

Wannabe, I will say it again, you are spot on!

Baysmum · 06/05/2007 22:14

I have posted on the other thread so will paraphrase. I did not ask for the thread to be deleted and Im not honestly sure if I feel it should be or not. Discussion and debate are helpful and healthy BUT comments which are critical and based on so called 'facts' about this case and the McCanns parenting skills when we do not know the realities of this situation are speculative, often immflammatory and generally unhelpful.. I was asking people to keep it to personal experience. Im not suggesting that Kate McCann is on Mumsnet now but I will repeat the fact that close friends of the family who are involved in the awful situation in Portugal ARE regular Mumsnetters who come here for support, advice and chat.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 06/05/2007 22:15

and references to fruit shoots. and bottlefeeding, in fact all types of formula, and weening, and smacking, and time out, in fact discipline in general, in fact I think it would be useful if the little disclaimer at the bottom of threads was changed to:

"in view of the fact we have many posters who are sensitive and so as not to cause upset, we would appreciate it if you answered all threads with yes or no only. any posts containing anything other than these words must be reported and will be deleted immediately"

CaptainUnderpants · 06/05/2007 22:15

If the parenst are Mns they will always wonder what was written/said about them.

If they are not Mn then they have all the other forums/chat rooms to look at ( if they wish ,although I doubtit ) and see exactly the same thing if not worse.

better to see what hs been said about you than to imagine it.

mamazon · 06/05/2007 22:16

your right. there are many many more forums tat all say what has been posted here and much worse.

the difference here is that this is meant to be a parenting forum, a place where adults who share the role of being a parent come for support.
being vilified by strangers is bad enough but to be vilified by people who should know how you feel, is surely mortifying.

And YES actually reading things on a webiste can be very very very damaging to someone who has been through so much already. no doubt they already blame themsleves for her disapearance and are feeling more guilty than you or I could possibly imagine, they really dont need to switch on their pc, punch in their daughters name in hope of finding news and end up seeing that the world finds them guilty as well.

The park opposite my 9old house was the Sarah Payne memorial park. whilst in there one day Sara and her two youngest children were there and i spoke with her for quite a while. she said how soul destroying it was to open newspapers, watch chat shows and read internet forums like this and find people blaming her for not being with Sarah, for not taking better care....even hinting at the fact she or her husband may have had something to do with it.

So yes actually, something written on a little site like this can affect these people

VeniVidiVickiQV · 06/05/2007 22:16

If anyone thinks the family are going to want to trawl the net for comments made on internet chat forums then I think that is pretty naive.

I would say no, on the basis that I dont agree with thread deletions generally, because comments will still be made elsewhere, other threads can be taken out of context, and new threads are ALWAYS started after a thread deletion so it solves little anyway, and in fact often creates more confusion, speculation and summarising of comments that were deleted in the first place.

CaptainUnderpants · 06/05/2007 22:18

It would be useful to have a comment from MN otherwise we will go round in circles .

AitchTwoOh · 06/05/2007 22:20

so delete the posts, mamazon. there is a framework for dealing with vile posts, and MNHQ can take as much latitude as they like on their interpretation of what's vile. but not the threads, imo, as they are very supportive in the main.

lucy5 · 06/05/2007 22:20

I agree with you Captain.

quietmouse · 06/05/2007 22:20

how can people want these threads kept? all they are doing is adding to someone's misery and pain.

Of course the parents aren't reading them atm, and yes, they can read other stuff elsewhere, but why add to that?

If we can take just these threads away then at least it's a little bit less to have to read one day.

How soul destroying to see it written there in black and white how other parents hold you responsible for a tragedy like this. The only people responsible are the ones that took a little girl from her bed.

How can some people here be so heartless? I don't understand it

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 06/05/2007 22:21

if those threads are deleted it will set a huge precedent. because anyone who has been through a bad experience can claim that a thread is offensive to them and we will get to the point where no one is allowed to say anything that can be perceived as being negative against anyone.

I feel very sorry for the Mccans and I wouldn't wish what they are going through on anyone. But we live in a 24 hour society now, and part of that means that as well as being able to get up to the minute updates on what is happening, we are also able to have up to the minute discussions about it, on public message boards like this one, with people we wouldn't necessarily discuss these things with otherwise.

mamazon · 06/05/2007 22:21

i havent said to delete the threads. but ot request people to discuss the case, not their opinions of the parenting involved.

mamazon · 06/05/2007 22:23

and as for the comments of "its being said elsewhere"

is it not slightly childish. it reminds me of children saying "but he's doing it so why can't I"?

lucyellensmum · 06/05/2007 22:23

I agree with VVV, does anyone think that this family are going to be looking at these threads. I'm not belittling MN and the tremendous support it offers and its value as a forum for parents but i daresay they have more important things on thier mind. Also, these are intelligent people, they are going to rise above any small minded villifications by people who should know better.

fryalot · 06/05/2007 22:23

haven't read every post, so I may be repeating what others have said but:

I think that there are enough voices shouting for any debate to be saved for another day, and that we should all concentrate on hoping and praying for Madelaine's safe return, and these voices cancel out the few who insist on turning this tragic matter into their own personal soap-box.