I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

Hi jack
Kudos for you for coming on here. My question is - you wanted to be seen as a boy, but now you're happier being a masculine woman. Do you feel that your feelings were to do with the way girls were limited by social expectations, or do you think there is something 'innate' to you that makes you feel more masculine than some women do?
butch lesbians have always existed, do you feel that doesn't describe you because sometimes you like dresses, femininity and men? So you go with non-binary as an alternative?
Are you concerned about the long term health implications of being on testosterone?
Sorry that was 3

I don't feel like a girl either.
I don't even know what that means.
Do you think that linking not wanting to wear a dress and playing boy characters in role play to being male is helpful to the feminist cause?

Yes, that's true (being massive of bosom I do dream of having less bosom to contend with), but it goes further than that if people start to truly believe that they are of the opposite sex - I'm now talking generally, not about you. So many accounts read like an attempt to make sense of the world we live in, but to do that via untested medication and surgical alteration seems, I think.

Personally, what I have real issue with are a) the transing of children and b) the suggestion that we all have to believe in someone else's personal delusion that they are a woman when they are male and the silencing of debate when factual material reality (ie biology) are mentioned. The below the line section on the Guardian is appalling for this , I assume they have a trans activist on their moderating team.

You don't have to answer this, but do you believe that anyone who says so is a woman, or do you believe that one can present oneself how one likes, but that biological reality is just that, a reality?

Hi Jack

I have nothing of any great substance to add, but I'm glad you're out there living life and having fun

Whenever I read transgender threads on here, I am always horrified by the majority of posters hostility towards transgender people. I just wanted to say that they don't speak for me.

Seems extreme.

I haven't actually got a clue who you are - but hi anyway.

Hello Jack, thank you for coming on here to talk to us. I just want to say that I think your work is fantastic - I think that bringing good, cheap food within everyone's reach is one of the most important things that anyone could do. Things are hard for a lot of people, and being able to sit down to a good meal at the end of a rough day is one of the most desperately needed thing there is. thank you for your part in that.

MxJack - ah, sorry, that post was a qualification of my original, but this thread is moving so fast that I think you will not have seen it.

As you see, I did not quote you, so did not suggest you said that - if I had attributed my own words to you as a quotation, I would put them in quotation marks. But I was actually just asking you a question.

To rephrase more clearly: can you tell me if it is 'trans' to feel as if I don't fit the stereotypes of male and female, and don't feel comfortable with my body? And what does 'cis' feel like (to the best of your understanding - I am not attributing 'cis' to you, just putting it in inverted commas because I know it is a controversial term)?

This is where I fall down on the whole binary thing. I very rarely perform femininity, I don't wear heels or makeup or pretty tops day to day. It doesn't make me any less of a woman.

I don't really get how gender roles can define your sex. So I tend to avoid discussing it with people as I I don't want to cause offence.

Hi Jack, I follow you on Twitter & I'm amazed how much abuse & hate you receive how do you cope? There are lots of people I loathe on Twitter incl KH so I deliberately don't follow them & don't understand why people are so determined to be nasty to you when it's quite easy to ignore!
Best of luck to you & your son

I'm impressed that you have put yourself forward to answer questions.

I'm not sure if this is the type of question you came to answer or not. Within our society women face discrimination because of their biological sex from salary to DV to carrying the majority of the childcare burden. Legally merging the definition of sex and gender; and then legally allowing people to self-declare, obviously impacts on how we collate and address sex-based discrimination. How do you think this should be addressed without disadvantaging biological women?

I admire you for this. I was quite shocked at the thread and found it hostile nasty and brimming with ignorance. Admitting that I have a relative who is MTF attracted questions and statements with a certain 'tone' that I was taken aback by and I asked for my own posts to be removed as I didn't want to speak on their behalf about their experience without their consent.

I think there is very much a lack of 'understanding' around these issues, not just in knowledge but in compassion and so a thread like this whilst it might turn ugly is very much needed on MN.

Jack the feelings you describe as a child of identifying with societies perceived idea of 'boy things' is exactly the way I felt as a child. I cried if I was made to wear dresses, I managed to persuade my mum to have my long hair shorn when I was 7. I was never happier than when someone mistook me for a boy.As I approached puberty I prayed that I wouldnt get breasts because I could no longer pass as a boy then.
But to me it was not about wanting to physically be a boy, it was about not being a girl, because girls were limited in what they could do and were treated as 'lesser' .
I feel like this current labelling of eveything is detrimental to women. I am 100% a women, my biology tells me that. But why is it wrong to be a woman who never wears dresses,make up and high heels, who loves archery and DIY. None of those things mean I have a man brain they just mean I,m a woman who likes them.
This trend to label everyone into narrow boxes does nothing to help those women like me and many others who are comfortable with their biology, but reject the limitations placed on us due to societies ideas of what women should be like and the inequality that still exists because of it.

Hi Jack, I follow you on Twitter & I'm amazed how much abuse & hate you receive how do you cope? There are lots of people I loathe on Twitter incl KH so I deliberately don't follow them & don't understand why people are so determined to be nasty to you when it's quite easy to ignore!
Best of luck to you & your son

Women are oppressed and discriminated against precisely BECAUSE of our biological sex (NOT our 'gender'!) and our reproductive capacity. Can victims of FGM, rape, sexual harassment, abuse, forced marriage, lower wages, glass ceilings etc etc just 'identify' their way out of it?? No, of course not. Deny biology and you put feminism back 50 years. I totally understand, with the porn and rape culture which pervades our society and the mass objectification and commodification of the female body, why so many young women are desperate to escape femininity and womanhood (dysphoria is similar to anorexia in this way) but telling them that the way to do this is with breast-binding and hormones is little more than abusive.

PLEASE EVERYONE do not buy into this dangerous bullshit. There are SO many people now bitterly regretting this path and de-transitioning (find them on Twitter and hear their heartbreaking stories) but their voices are silenced in favour of they neo-lib trendy trans courtesy of Jack and her ilk. We owe our young people more than that. Think critically. And read this..
sexandgenderintro.com/

DaisyDaisy01: Telling young women & girls that if they want to break out of these made-up rules they must be 'in the wrong body' or somehow trans is dangerous and irresponsible. We should be telling them they can be whatever and whoever they want, express themselves, live and dress however they want. But they're still female. Lots of young people look up to you, Jack. Sending them down this path of surgery and hormones is sick.

I am not telling anyone else that they are in the wrong body. I am talking about myself. It is something I have felt deeply for over twenty years. I have always dressed how I wanted to and looked how I wanted. I have never said anywhere that girls who don't want to wear dresses should consider taking testosterone. I made a measured decision about my own body and mind after a lot of consideration. Just because I bleach my hair doesn't mean every young person is going to, nor will they all get sleeve tattoos. We are all who we are, and there is a difference between being an accidental role model and being the leader of a cult. One tries to do the best they can in a role they didn't really ask for, the other seeks out glory and instructs people to follow them. I have always been very cautious to not tell people what to do, and to just talk about my own experiences. Young people get in touch with me every day to ask what they should do, and I always, always refer them back to themselves because I will never take it upon myself to make someone else's decisions about their bodies for them. I hope that answers your question.

Hi Jack. I wanted to ask what makes you imagine that you feel any different to millions of other women who don't like the gendered boxes that we are forced into, and don't particularly like having big breasts?
And are you not a bit worried about the Unknown long-term effects of taking T?
Personally I worry that big pharmaceutical companies are masking a LOT of money from vulnerable, confused people, and these companies don't give a shit about health problems that maybe currently being created. I
The whole thing scares me, especially when children are being given puberty blockers. I'm not i any way holding you responsible for all this btw! Just interested in your views and wish you well and hope you are feeling more content that you did in the past. It's not easy being female in our world.

Slightly off topic but I just wanted to say how much your recipes have helped me budget during a rough time financially.
Thank you so much

Just to add to my question about being confused re: non binary, I do at the same time think we should all adopt 'non binary ' to a degree. In that we should have more a gender neutral words in the language, he/she and something else for when sex isnt relative/not known. Also I think male/female titles should go, so no Miss/Mr etc if fact why do we need titles at all?

. I had hissy fits about dresses as a child not because they were dresses, but because I was being treated 'like a girl'. I always role played male characters, went to fancy dress parties as Captain Scarlet, nicknamed myself Adam. The best explanation I can offer is that my brain thinks I am male and my body doesn't quite match up to it

Hmmm. But...but, many of us role played male characters. Why would you pretend to be Indiana Jones' girlfriend when you could be Indiana Jones? Almost all the fictional characters we ever saw growing up who did anything were male. If you were the sort of child who wanted to be like that, you would be relating to them, as a character and a protagonist, rather than the simple fact they had a penis.
When I played as a kid I was a boy "in my head". Occasionally, because all my heroes were male, I would forget I was not going to grow up to be a man.
To me, that's a normal response of a bright girl living in a massively sexist society.
I am happy to be a woman because despite outward appearances (high heels, big boobs) I no longer view womanhood as the boring passive option. To me that's part of growing up, realising that the narrow definitions open to girls and women are false.
So, I still don't understand "binary".
I still have an inner identity that could be viewed as "male", but its not.
Its just non-passive female. Just like most adult women.

Hi Jack, I'm really interested in your answer at 13.07 because that's pretty much how I was growing up - I was always a boy character (I loved Captain Scarlet too although in games I tended towards being Jason from Battle of the Planets) in any games we played, hated being treated as a girl (ie not allowed to do any of the interesting stuff) and wearing girl's clothing.

Yet none of that made me want to be a boy - I simply wanted their stuff, and that's what made me a feminist. I think that's true of a lot of women, especially in these polarised times, and possibly that's why you've had a rough reception - that there's a feeling you'd be better to fight for women's rights and against sexism and stereotypes rather than trying to self identify your way out of it? That yours is an attitude that doesn't say 'society is wrong, let's fix it' but rather 'society's view of ME is wrong, let's fix it'. It's also the sort of viewpoint that makes my 11 yr old DD think there's something wrong with her for disliking pink and wanting to play lego and mine craft. I really worry about her growing up in the current culture of gender obsession.

I read your Guardian article on 29 October last year, and there were a couple of phrases in it about gender that have been bugging me ever since.

You said 'Aren’t we all a bit “non-binary” inside? In rejecting my “female” gender, I am not enforcing binary stereotypes, but asking why the hell we have them in the first place.'

I was puzzled as to why you would think this argument would support the idea of non-binary trans identity more than it would support a generally gender critical perspective?

I do not know a single person who fully conforms to gender stereotype. I understand and respect that you identify as non-binary, but don't see how your argument helps to break down rather than reinforce gender roles for men and women.

I still don't see how being non binary is different to just being a feminist.
It's understandable anyone wouldn't want to be treated "like a girl" - girls are treated as inferior. Why would I want to dress up as a princess instead of a cool hero? This makes me want to reject stereotypes and inequality - not to make me think I am actually meant to be one of the boys.
If this question was resolved for me it would have a big impact on how I view transgender issues.