I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

ice - don't quote me, but I think wanting the opposite genitalia is believed to be quite common in toddlers? I remember wanting this, and my little brother wanting the reverse, and my mum mentioned it when my brother had his children. I think there's even a name for that stage, though I forget it.

I don't know how long it goes on for, but there was a study in the US of lesbian women, which found that many of them wanted to be men through their teens, so it might be it correlates with sexuality too.

MephistoMarley: Jack, do you think that males and females have structurally different brains

In short, no.

Hi Jack
I have nothing very intelligent to add to this but I wanted to say how fab it is to see someone in the media that's received a fair bit of stick on here making themselves available for questions.
You are coming across really well and I'm finding this thread very interesting so thanks 😊

Off grid question but do you feel people like you more poor as I feel when you lived with Alegra (!) you had to almost apologise for being successful and doing well, when you post about having drafty Windows or the gas has run out I feel for you

"Yet, when it comes to trans issues, it seems as if thousands of women - some of them on this thread - are saying, yes, that sounds like me too. And I feel as if some people, including you, seem resistant to that idea, that it might be really quite normal to be how you are?"

I was just thinking something like that Robinsareterritorialfuckers

I have mental health issues and sometimes I feel as if they would be significantly alleviated if I could just "fix" my body. My body is a source of shame and humiliation to me, and has been, ever since the first time a boy slapped my arse in PE shorts when I was 8, or even before. If I could go out into the world without my body, it would be better; if I could somehow use my body to express the better parts of who I am (tough, clever, disciplined, assertive, discerning, unique, creative, passionate) then that would be COMPLETELY FREAKING AMAZING. My body is large, dumpy, curvy, with a humiliating fuzzy middle aged sexuality, manifested in the sort of bust that is the subject of jokes and an even funnier and more humiliating backside. Even when I was younger and considered more attractive, the heaviness and sexiness of my body has always been a problem for me and has massively inhibited what I feel able to do, socially, profressionally, sexually, in everything, in fact.

I think this is pretty normal for women. not unusual anyway.

I do not regard myself as having any sort of gender dysphoria, but sometimes I think that that's just because the language that is available to me for me to speak about my problems is just different. Sometimes I wonder if I should decide to see it that way as then there might be help for people like me, where there isn't for "generalised body-related shame and depression" or whatever you might call it.

But I don't want to think there is anything wrong with me, or other women. I look like my mum, and I love my mum. It isn't our bodies that are wrong. I don't really like where this is leading, that so many of us need to be "fixed"

thanks Jack
if you don't believe that men and women have structurally different brains, where is the mismatch between your brain and body?

I didn't do all the girly things as a kid either. not sure what that has to do with anything.

No questions

I can't remember how I first found you but I'm glad I did, I was really pleased when your books came out and can't wait for the third (no rush!)

Thankyou for making cooking (and your books) affordable, quick and easy.

Well done for starting the thread.

A couple of questions:
Is it you who wants to talk about your gender identity and sexuality in interviews and articles or is that the spin that the media put on to it? (I am of the opinion that people can identify how they like so long as they don't expect me to care).

Secondly, what personal pronoun do you prefer? I understand that this speaks for you and not all trans and non binary people.
Please answer as it saves a lot of arguments.

2nds: My question is do you have any advice for people who are starting up a blog or website? Myself and my OH are in a different field of work to what you do, however we are blog and website newbies.

WordPress is a godsend and very simple to use. Write regularly, write off the cuff, annoy your friends and family by posting it on your own social media places, and do it because you enjoy it. Stop when it isn't fun any more. Make it look nice. That's about all my rules!

Just to be clear though, although I have some political unease with some of trans discourse, I do not begrudge any individual finding their personal solution, in whatever form it takes

DesolateWaist: Well done for starting the thread.A couple of questions: Is it you who wants to talk about your gender identity and sexuality in interviews and articles or is that the spin that the media put on to it? (I am of the opinion that people can identify how they like so long as they don't expect me to care).Secondly, what personal pronoun do you prefer? I understand that this speaks for you and not all trans and non binary people.
Please answer as it saves a lot of arguments.

1. They ask. I have never sought an interview on the subject and turn most of them down. This article was meant to be about the Diversity Awards.
2. She is fine in long profile pieces, but as one-off references or day to day I do prefer 'they'. I don't get my Calvins in a twist over it though, unless it's maliciously done, like the Mail do, to be grating.

I notice that Jack has failed to answer a very simple question which others have already put to her. WHAT IS A WOMAN?? Is it a mysterious collection of 'feelings' which all woman somehow magically share? Is it merely an 'identity' which anyone can just choose to be?? Is it someone who naturally conforms to all the strictures of submission, femininity etc laid down by the patriarchal society?? Is it whatever men deem it to be?? Can anyone be a woman if they just SAY thy are one? OR... is it a biological reality?

EmpressOfTheVaginaDentata

Sorry Empress, just to add a comment to your question. It seems to me the only reason we have sex segregate spaces in the first place is to protect women from male harassment and violence. Otherwise, well, why would we need them?

I am guessing that you are something to do with a cook book? And you aren't sure what gender you are? I would tell my daughter (if she wasn't sure), that it is not necessary to give ourselves a label. We are who we are. I think that we are fortunate in this country and time, that people aren't bothered about sexuality like they used to be, thank goodness.

Hi Jack,
I really don't mind what's going on in your pants, or what pronoun you use, but I love your recipes! Black tea instead of red wine has been a game changer. Do you have any good cheap very low salt vegan recipes suitable for a baby led weaning baby and his parents? Stuff he can pick up?

I have a tin of salmon lurking in my fridge but I have no idea what to do with it. It seems really boring to eat it on butties, any ideas?

maud, sorry, that sounds rotten. I hope I didn't make you feel worse by posting what I did.

But I feel the same - and I think it is so important to acknowledge this is not unusual. I think it is the norm for women to feel this way. Society tells us we are defective men, so naturally we grow up feeling our bodies aren't good enough. Couple that with the fact that medical care is, quite literally, not designed for female bodies, and you have a perfect storm.

I agree it's not dysphoria - and if I understand jack rightly, this is quite a widespread point of view, that it's not dysphoric but normal.

I do think we need more people to be saying that it is absolutely normal to feel this way.

Excellent question Empress.

Jack, I grew up feeling like a boy (or with hindsight, not fitting into the gender role that society expects little girls to fit into), and even now as an adult I wear mens' clothes, have short hair, wear no makeup etc.
Had I been a child now, I feel I would have been swept along with this rise in transgender, and at the time it would have felt like an answer. I look back now grateful that I was (and am) able to be myself and find myself rather than having to conform to one or other gender.
Do you think children feeling like we did are at a disadvantage nowadays because they aren't likely to have the space to discover for themselves who they really are, at a pace that suits them? I find it very worrying that so many little boys are labelled transgender at a young age, when in all likelihood they are not trans, they fit in the normal gender spectrum and (IMO) should be encouraged to be who they are without being led down a route that may end up with puberty blockers and eventually surgery, and by the time they reach an age where they are likely to know themselves better and feel comfortable with who they are (I was late twenties when I reached that stage), the damage may already have been done.

Fridge? I mean cupboard obviously.

Hi Jack

I wanted to ask if you had read the "cis" thread in site stuff and if you understand why it bothers some women so much? I see you have said that you have seen it used as an insult, but do you have anything to add to that?

I guess (sorry, I'm crap at wording things sometimes!) I want to know if you understand why women, who potentially feel no different to you inside, are upset at being told their 'gender' matches their biology, when feminism has fought the idea of 'ladybrain' for so long?

Thanks

DaisyDaisy01: I notice that Jack has failed to answer a very simple question which others have already put to her. WHAT IS A WOMAN??

141 posts in just over an hour. Give me a break. I haven't failed to answer it, I'm just giving it some thought and consideration. In the meantime if it is such a simple question, please feel free to answer it yourself.

Jack

Whilst I don't follow your trans arguments, I respect the fact you've walked into the hornets nest to defend yourself. There are some very well informed women on here with well thought out and respected opinions on trans issues. I have always wanted to hear the 'counter' argument so to speak.

Firstly - if gender is non-binary how can you or anyone be trans. Trans by its very nature suggests binary.

Secondly - can you explain please what "feeling - or not feeling - like a woman (or a man)" is. I am approaching 40 and no one has yet explained to me how I am supposed to feel. I just feel like me. Growing up I was told that this was because gender was a load of societally-imposed bollocks although I doubt my mum used those terms and that although I couldn't change the fact that I was a girl, and was going to become a woman when I was older, it didn't mean that I had to "perform femininity" and I could do whatever I chose to do (except pee standing up, and I definitely gave that a few good tries).

Not at all Robinsare - that came out moanier than I meant it to really. It's just normal life for many of us, isn't it?

Whole threads on mn about dreading hot weather because the usual dissatisfaction about your body is heightened in the heat... it's normal.

An angry thread about a 14 year old who won't wear a bra to school, with a lot of people getting very irate about the innate unseemliness of breasts, and the need to conform by strapping them down... and then women who use chest binders just feels like the next step along the continuum

Empress, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Women (biological women) NEED sex segregated spaces to protect us from male violence. Thousands of women are raped and assaulted every year. Allowing anyone to 'self-identify' provides the perfect Trojan horse for every sex offender & voyeur in the country to find & attack women at their most vulnerable. There are already 100s of cases of men dressing as women to access female spaces in order to rape, photograph, assault women etc. Sanctioning this under law would be dangerous.

Not only that, all the evidence shows that MTT (male to trans who live as women) commit violent crime in just as high numbers as men do. There are innumerable cases of so called trans women raping & assaulting women in female spaces. Furthermore, I do not want physical males (however 'safe' or nice they may be) stripping off in front of my 13 year old daughter at any communal changing areas.