I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

elliecam Olive oil is a variable beast. Light and mild would be fine, but anything greenish or peppery would be an unusual choice!

*MrsBruceBogtrotter

Why do you think that not wanting to adhere to the trappings of femininity makes you non-binary, rather than one of the millions of women who don't perform femininity?*

For me it's more than refusing to perform femininity, conversely I am much more comfortable with my feminine side these days. It is complex, but the non binary description seems to fit best. As for trappings of femininity, high heels were originally for men as far as I know. Samson was at his strongest with long hair. Pink was for boys and blue was for girls. I know gender defiance has been around long before me and will be long after me, I'm not new.

*NeedACleverNN

I have never read any of your articles or even heard of you before mn (sorry) but can I ask, what is it that has made you feel the way you do regarding gender? (If that makes sense)*

I have always felt that I should have been a boy, since I was very young. I had hissy fits about dresses as a child not because they were dresses, but because I was being treated 'like a girl'. I always role played male characters, went to fancy dress parties as Captain Scarlet, nicknamed myself Adam. The best explanation I can offer is that my brain thinks I am male and my body doesn't quite match up to it. I wrote a piece for the Guardian a while back that said when I was a young child I would pray to God that my tiny willy (my clitoris ffs - although of course i didnt know what it was or what it was for at the time) would grow into a proper one. I'm past that now, but the brain and body still don't match. I find it hard to explain as I have never known anything else.

Thank you

I've just read the Observer article, and a few other interviews with you and just wanted to say, I think you are fantastic. And well done for taking legal action against the Daily Fail and Hopkins.

I didn't read the Observer interview but was aware that you had declared yourself to be non binary (sorry if any of that is incorrect terminology!) several months ago. About the time you split up with Allegra? We had a long thread about it on here. Perhaps it was from Twitter? I don't know, I don't tweet either! Yet somehow I knew, which suggests to me that you made an announcement to get it out there.

Place marking.

I will never forget reading about your giving your child the last single Weetabix with water and his rather hopefully asking for more but the cupboard was bare for reasons more to do with circumstances than planning. It always comes to mind when I am on food bank threads.

I will be interested in your answers to gender binary questions as you appear to be a normal person rather than a Caitlyn-type Professional Sleb.

By the way, I've just realised that my post has a bit of judgy tone which is totally unintended - I'm trying to type this with a poorly baby stuck to me like a limpet. I don't have an opinion either way, I don't know enough about it. I'm just interested to hear what yours is.

Thank you very much

Cross posted.

"Gender defiance" is a great phrase.

Hats off for doing this! I will be honest, I hadn't actually heard of you before, but I am very new to the whole social media malarkey, and will now definitely be doing some research as frugal meal planning is something I need help with! I'm also interested in how we define ourselves. If relevant to the conversation ( when people offer me a drink) I describe myself as a recovered alcoholic, although I am not entirely happy with the idea of 'recovery' from alcohol or the notion that it is a 'disease'. If I were to continue attending AA meetings, I would be expected to describe myself as an alcoholic - but I haven't had a drink for four years. Someone who previously used heroin but stopped would not be expected to continually describe his/herself as an addict. At the same time, I know I am continually at risk of relapse, so addiction is a huge part of who I am now. I know I am getting completely off topic here, but I do understand the need to 'define' oneself when it is contrary to societal expectations. I just don't bloody want to! I am also clueless as to the non-binary part ( makes me think of maths, which I hated)

PS. I have a 22 year old non binary child. x

I've never heard of you before, saw the thread, didn't click on it.
Why are you of interest on MN?

I used to think I should have been a boy, too. I was a right tomboy.

And, obviously, most (all?) women sometimes feel they 'should' be men and their bodies don't match up, because that is what society tells us.

What I am not yet clear is, at what point do you go from that point, to realising it is such a strong issue, that you different from other people, and their struggles are less important/less severe?

I just wanted to say that I really admire your strength of spirit, Jack. From your poverty-stricken days to now, you have always shown amazing level-headed resilience. I always smile at the (Samsung?) ad you're in at the moment - it's so refreshing to see someone who doesn't readily conform to society's expectations being used to promote something so mainstream.

I wish you every happiness and hope you aren't too dejected by the criticism you receive. It takes much more strength to speak out openly your personal situation than it does to type unpleasant things anonymously on the internet.

RiverTam: You've been very honest about your mental health struggles in the past. Would you agree that gender dysphoria, however it presents itself, is also a mental health issue? That the mind saying that a healthy body is somehow wrong, is a mental health issue?

I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but in my case I have been fairly extensively and robustly assessed by mental health professionals, both in the NHS and private sector, and they have found me to be doing alright. I do have mental health problems but being non binary doesn't appear to be one of them. You could extend the same question to anyone seeking any kind of cosmetic surgery, or physical alteration, but a bit of filler or lipo seem far more widely accepted than a breast reduction.

Hi Jack

Interesting answer. Don't you just think they you are actually just fighting against what the system seems as male and female? I have never worn a dress growing up and like activities people see as male such as football. But to me I'm female and a woman, I'm just refusing to conform with what society sees as female.

I am concerned that girls like me will now think they aren't female as they don't fit the stereotypes when it is the stereotypes that are wrong.

I must be living on cloud cuckoo land as I have no idea who you are.

Me neither. I don't think I'm on cloud cuckoo land either 😏

I'm glad you're not wasting your money on lawyers! Spent on some fun summer times with your son instead, while the sun lasts!

Are you going anywhere on holiday?

I read the Observer article too. I had no understanding before I read it about being non binary, I couldn't understand how if you didn't identify as one sex you would not want to be surgically reassigned to the other. I found the article very enlightening and informative (and funny in places), and yes, you looked great in the pictures.

I bought your first book several years ago when I saw it for sale in Oxfam (from new I might add) I had never heard of you I just liked the idea and the recipes.

I read the introduction on the train going home and had to hide my tears. We used to live only a mile or two from Leigh-on-sea and I kept thinking if only we had known you, you and the boy could have come round to ours for Christmas Dinner instead of you spending it alone and hungry.

It's a pity critics make more noise than supporters sometimes, it doesn't mean they're greater in number, or indeed greater in any other sense!

All the best to you and the boy.

Your interview would have made me laugh if it weren't so dangerous and irresponsible. "I want to be treated like a person..." Yeah, that's called feminism & women have been doing it for years. Cutting your hair and wearing doc martens doesn't make you non-binary. We are ALL non-binary. Nobody conforms 100% to gender stereotypes. (Gender is a made-up pile of bullshit which forces us into narrow roles to benefit the patriarchal male-dominated system.) Not wanting to perform submissive femininity in accordance with societies strict gender code doesn't make one 'non-binary' it makes one a feminist.

Telling young women & girls that if they want to break out of these made-up rules they must be 'in the wrong body' or somehow trans is dangerous and irresponsible. We should be telling them they can be whatever and whoever they want, express themselves, live and dress however they want. But they're still female. Lots of young people look up to you, Jack. Sending them down this path of surgery and hormones is sick.

I think this article sums it up best..
notthenewsinbriefs.wordpress.com/2016/01/16/we-are-all-non-binary-now/

I'm not surprised you popped up with your own thread, but I'm still impressed by your strength.

You've invested time and effort into speaking up for the vulnerable, and yet time and time again you're being criticised, put down and even threatened. I wonder if I were you I'd just give it all up, go under another alias and move far away. But then what would that achieve (apart from a peaceful life)? You would have changed your life to fit in with society and the bullies would win over. Do you ever just think "Fuck this, I'm going to be a hermit!"

I'm a CM and kindness and empathy are close to my heart. It's a tough world out there and I want to teach the foundations of being a good person and believe that empathy is key to that. Do you ever consider being a spokesperson for the bullied; teaching children about kindness and empathy? Those little children who mightn't know they're being hurtful, turn in to adults who can do much damage.

No question but i would like to echo many others who have said how great it is that you have started this thread

I hope the rest of it goes equally as well for you

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers: What I am not yet clear is, at what point do you go from that point, to realising it is such a strong issue, that you different from other people, and their struggles are less important/less severe?

I am not sure I have ever said that. I spend most of my working life trying to help people who are struggling in all sorts of fields. I have never placed my own experiences above anyone else's, simply talked about them to start a conversation, or raise awareness, or as part of a campaign. This feels a little "all lives matter" - but please don't attribute things to me that I haven't said anywhere.

sosadforhim: Do you ever just think "Fuck this, I'm going to be a hermit!"

Daily. I do take myself off to the Lake District or other places every now and again to just regroup and enjoy the anonymity.