I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

I think a lot of the anger is directed towards certain male transactivists who issue death threats to women who dare to disagree with them, not really towards women taking testosterone for whatever reason. And men who call feminists terfs and suggest they die in a fire. Obviously this is nothing to do with JM!! Just explaining why people get a bit pissed off. Not because they hate trans people, but because women feel erased and in physical danger from some transactivists.

Laska Thank you for your reply (and yes, that WAS the question I'd intended it to be so thank you for recognising that!)

I'm not post menopausal although am in my 40's now and I do strongly suspect that that has something to do with it; 'it' being finding a person attractive as opposed to a gender. I wonder if it's simply life/relationship experience - which de facto you only get as get older - that softens the edges of who you 'should' fancy IYSWIM?

The best example I can think of of someone in the public eye is Cynthia Nixon (of Sex and the City) who was happily married to a bloke for yonks but then her next and current relationship is with a woman; both relationships with children born into them. In interviews, she overtly said she fell in love with a person, irrespective of what gender that person happened to be. She is fifty this year so I'm guessing a whole other person compared to her 20 year old self?

I was and remain genuinely curious vis subject but suspect since phrased mine so fucking embarrassingly badly that there might not be many answers to Q...

Jack, isn't everyone non binary? Doesn't gender simply not exist?

That is pretty much my entire point.

Wow, that answer has really surprised me!

I have more questions, sorry. I don't expect you to answer these tonight (or at all, if you don't want - maybe just something to think about?)

• If you believe that gender doesn't exist, what is it that you are transitioning through (from? to?) Is it more to do with sex dysphoria? Do you believe sex exists?

• If you believe everybody is non-binary why are you (and an increasing number of others) making a 'thing' of it? If we are all non-binary, then gender is bad for all of us. Would it not be better to focus our energy on smashing the gender bullshit for everybody? IMO that would be truly pioneering!

I've always liked you Jack. I love the no-nonsense way you talk about poverty and that time you tore a strip off Katie Hopkins will forever be one of my favourite TV moments. I don't really follow recipes but I share your make-the-best-of-what-you've-got approach to food and I think you communicate that really well. I've also been a LP and have endured benefit fuckups that have left me with £11 for food and electric for the week. You say it how it is and I appreciate that.

One of the things I liked most about you was I thought you were a really good role model for gender non-conforming women. It turns out you're not though, you are telling the world that you are not one of us and I can't help feeling disappointed. I don't care what you do with your breasts or whether you are more comfortable with extra testosterone in your system, as long as you have made a fully informed decision - it's your body, it doesn't harm anyone else, we're all just muddling through and everyone has a right to seek happiness.

What bothers me is that you (and an increasing number of others) have decided to opt out of being a woman (as if such a thing were possible). That does harm women because it shoehorns the rest of us into an ever tighter gender box. None of us belong in there.

I do appreciate you coming here and starting this thread, it makes up for you slagging us off in the Guardian.

Haffdonga: No, not your anger to explain. Perhaps my question was wrong. I suppose I mean how and why do you manage to open up to us here and put yourself on the receiving end of so much anger. You must have a way of rationalising it to yourself.

I genuinely believe two way dialogue is constructive and I have a fairly high success rate with engagement (although not engagements, three down and no aisle but a burgeoning ring collection...)

Also, wine.

Sorry to go OT a bit, but Flora, I think I love you.

Another consideration regarding transitioning increasing happiness is that making changes to improve your life is exciting. Millions of people start the year buzzing that it's going to be awesome because they've resolved to make changes to make things awesome. Transitioning is a major life change and the novelty and excitement often wears off when reality hits.

I know there is anger directed at people who identify as trans online but the vast majority of this thread has been respectful. Thanks Jack for sticking around to answer questions :)

it makes up for you slagging us off in the Guardian.

I'm not sure I did. I repeated a comment I had made myself, here. Be fair, I have taken some bloody crap on here. One retaliation to a general message board is hardly the same as thousands (and there have been thousands) of personal posts, some calling me a child abuser for goodness sake.

I just wish Katie Hopkins would come on here for a spontaneous webchat

Marking place for tomorrow ( over 55, have drunk weekday - bad Laska- , and work tomorrow, so going to bed.. am enjoying the discussion greatly though..)

I think you've handled yourself very well on here and I think I have a much better understanding of what you mean by transitioning and how you feel, I think you have been misrepresented in the press somewhat (I know, shocking, right?).

I think you're living your truth and I admire you for it.

lljkk, two of those statements you're paraphrasing from me, and I did specify that these were things that worried me, that are put about by people who are either afraid about their developing sexuality, or who are putting pressure on those who are afraid.

This is not remotely new or different, and it is not about words 'splintering'.

It is about misogyny and homophobia, and the unpleasant ways society has of making young people feel upset. The forms may be new - and I do worry about young women who feel they're not 'allowed' to be butch lesbians but must identify as trans, because I have seen this happening - but the actual bigotry is the same old bigotry we've always had. There have always been people making women feel that 'woman' is a dirty word, and making lesbians feel 'lesbian' is a dirty word. If you're surprised by that, you need to get out more.

One of the things I liked most about you was I thought you were a really good role model for gender non-conforming women. It turns out you're not though, you are telling the world that you are not one of us and I can't help feeling disappointed.

"Gender non conforming" is a term I do use about myself but again, it never gets printed. I've never said I'm not GNC. I use the term 'genderfuck' a lot too, but then, I'm vulgar.

Just caught up with this thread. (really bloody glad we could all get out of Jack's closet by the end of page 8.)
What a bewildering read, but I've been enjoying your posts. They ring true, and are so matter-of-fact and open and succinct. I'm going to have to find some of your work to read, now!

I'm so sorry but I've never heard of you
You can't be as gossiped about as you may thing as I am an avid daily mail reader sorry mums net and never noticed owt

Live and let live is my motto

Oh and
Growing old is inevitable
Growing up is optional

Hello Jack, I am so impressed by your courage starting this thread. Not that I think you want anyone to call you brave. I have many transgender friends and what I know is this - their experience is their experience. So, I may say "I don't understand!" or "But I think this!" and it is completely irrelevant. Because I don't know. I hate that people are asking you for universal answers when all you've ever done is explain your own experience. I think you're pretty great for doing that though.

loralei

Question: have you ever thought of going into politics, Jack?

QOD

I woke up to 27 Google Alerts this morning. (Most people in the public eye have them). I would give my kingdom to not be as gossiped about as I think I am.

PeaceOfWildThings

Yes.

Jack - I cannot think of anything worse than being in the public eye, it's my idea of hell...

Now you seem to have the celebrity status thing (wanted or not) can you tell me if they are any positives about it at all?

Good on you for coming on here.

Has fame been worth it for you, Jack? I mean has the (I presume) financial security made up for the media intrusion and public scrutiny?

If you had a choice, would you do it all again?

Great post PlentyOfPubeGardens

You have articulated perfectly how I feel about this.

Jack

I'd love you to answer this point, please

And? Tell us more (apologies if you've already served as Shadow secretary for something, I'm not up on who's who in politics).

At what level of politics (local/county/national/international?) What would your main interests and policies be?

Jack, if you agree that gender is a load of poisonous shit then why aren't you standing with the radfems who want to abolish it instead of with the transactivists who demand that we accept their penises as female and centre them in feminism?

Well done for this Jack. I read last night's thread and I don't think I am transphobic but I am definitely transbefuddled ☺ . any sensible dialogue is a good thing. It seems that trying to lose gender altogether eventually will be preferable to having a multitude of labels.