Rebecca Minnock - on the run with child after court battle

[BreakingDad77]

Is this one of those cases we wont get to the bottom of as to whether she is someone with MH problems or scheming father driving her to them?

Money or training won't help poor note taking and poor information sharing. If these professionals were assessed and safeguards put in place to ensure they write and share more accurate reports, then a lot less children would suffer.

Owen

I haven't checked your link yet, to be honest, I know I'll have a cry.

Please, do not blame solicitors for your predicament, but as you say it is a system.

I hope Spero doesn't mind me saying that she is a solicitor dealing with family law (apologies if I am mistaken Spero).

I have been 'reading' mumsnet for the past 5 years after one ill-fated google search and I believe that Spero absolutely tells it like it is.

Don't ever give up, it can change.

Yes, I never see the examples of shared parenting working well - I just see the awful painful cases where it isn't working and the children are suffering because parents refuse to let them have their clothes or toys move from house to house etc.

It would be interesting to know just how many amicable shared care arrangements there are - probably a lot more than I realise.

I can imagine Spero, dp has always worked around his xw's shift patterns too. The main thing is they both want the best for dsd (now 17) and it's a shame more separated parents can't both work together like that.
As for this case, i wonder at the order that the mother should have supervised contact. I have heard of many cases where the father seems to have behaved awfully and yet has unsupervised contact!

We have 50/50 with my dss, he is a very happy child, but I am as supportive as I can be for both my dp and his xw. I hope that xw knows that I am always there for her as she is the mum to dss. My own dc however have no contact with their father, sadly. It is his choice.

So 50/50 can work, but only if all involved including the child want it.

Back to the op though we don't know the ins and outs of the case, I hope that good can come of it somewhere down the line. I hope that support rather than punishment is offered and that what ever happens the child is safe.

I suggest people who think the family court system is weighted towards the father should read this

We've done shared care for 9 years, it has worked well.

Never been to court, mediation, or anything like that.

for every heart rending tale of a man treated appallingly badly by a woman, I can show you one of a woman abused and broken by a man.

this so isn't a man/woman issue. People can be shit sometimes I am afraid. The key is to try and notice that someone is horrible before you have a child with them. Sometimes the awfulness takes a while to come out, I accept.

But if you do end up in the situation of being parents with someone that you don't like, even hate - the courts will expect you not to let that get in the way of your child's relationship with that parent, unless you have very clear and compelling evidence that its not in that child's best interests to keep that relationship going.

we have 50/50 and generally it works well. But ds is free to come and go as he pleases, although tbh that works more in my house than xh's, and I am the one who picks up the childcare when e.g. xh has to travel for work etc, so although ds does have two homes he does gravitate back here more, but he is free to do so, and I don't get in the way of his relationship with his dad.

there's a poster here where the DC live in the family home, and the parents each spend 50% of their time living with the DC, and the other 50% in a flat in a kind of time-share agreement. Which seems a very sensible and amicable approach, I thought.

You might be interested in this blog post on the case
www.transparencyproject.org.uk/the-missing-mum-case/

come on Voyage, you know you asked for £20...

Summary is guy gets diagnosed with cancer, his wife dumps him and obstructs access to his son and there is very little he can do.

I completely agree spero, there are awful tales on both sides. Some posters seem to be under the impression that women are more hard done by. If only viewed through the prism of mumsnet that might be true.

Indeed. Women's Aid and Fathers for Justice are both talking about the exact same system.

they can't both be right. The truth - as ever - is somewhere in between.

I agree. And then it becomes about the failings of the court system, when really it is crazy to think that any court system can ever really help with the toxic fall out of failed relationships. Parents have to own that.

I think extremes from both sides are really unhelpful. I have read stuff on the Return of Kings site (men's rights activists) that was incredibly horrible (interesting to note that my Sky broadband has now blocked that site for me before 9pm as it contains 'hate speech'). But equally some of the radfem stuff I read makes me want to weep just as much.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill

Where on earth is someone being diagnosed with cancer?

I read the link - man has cancer, is having chemo, ex won't let him see their son.

Proves nothing other than people can be shits. Which I think we all knew already.

But I did note with unease that he then started referring to her as 'the Mental'.

this is the mother of his son. The woman he chose to spread his DNA with.

As ever, I am left wondering what is the other side of that story. Not that this in any way excuses what she did, of course. But he may not have been 100% victim.

but who ever is?

The Cancer Kiss off

Spero,

You have just completely contradicted yourself, happy to debate dem.

I think, when things are so toxic between them, parents forget that their children grow up. Grown ups want both their parents at weddings, baptisms, their own children's birthday parties.

My DS, when he is a bit older will notice that his grandparents cant stand to be in the same room as each other. Sad.

I just wish sometimes warring parents would take a longer view. Easier said then done with feelings of anger, betrayal and bitterness.