Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

yes, best to start before teenage years imo to get them trained up before leaving them

Odd, so teens are allowed to go out alone with their mates, into town etc etc but some wouldn't leave them alone in their own house?

Yes, you gradually build up the responsibility and trust. I'm trying to get my kids to start cooking simple meals. Ds1 who's 9 chops up vegetables for his guinea pigs and makes himself salads; its been a natural progression from making potions and mixtures as a young child. I've been there to help and supervise and step back gradually.

13 and 14 year olds for short periods of time - really? Would you seriously make your 13 year old go to a childminder?

I would if it were for a long time yes. At 13 it would depend on how long we were going to be out.

Re smoking in cars the legislation is passed as far as I'm aware and it comes into force from September.

I guess bigbuttons. That just seems crazy to me. I don't know any year 7 child that can't get themselves to and from school. If they can do that, they can sit on the sofa presumably

Leaving an older child alone in the house for up to half an hour is in no way equivalent to smoking while they're in the car. What a silly analogy

Virginia- I take your point there and that's actually as I understand it the reason why there is no legislation at the moment. I can understand the lines being blurred with 11-14 year olds where some would be totally capable and others no where near capable. With 4 year olds however I can't see any blurred lines at all. No 4 year old I have known has been capable of being left alone.
The NSPCC website has a list of potential at home risks. It says that you need to be totally sure that your child would know what to do in all of those circumstances if you left them alone. I totally agree with that and wouldn't imagine any child less than 10 who genuinely would be able to. 12 would be more realistic.

I had to work one day when the children were off school - 13 and 11 year old spent about seven hours alone, reading, watching films etc, no problem at all

I wouldn't do this regularly, but not because I'd feel it wasn't safe, but because I'd think it would be boring for them.

Flowergirl in mean middle of childhood and adulthood, not exactly teens as if include 11 year olds. I know of one childminder who takes an 11 year old for a Wednesday after school to break up the week but most 11-15s would be bored silly at a childminders with a load of littlies every day. At 11 they get the bus/ train to school and go to town with friends all far more dangerous than being home alone. The thing that worries me is having them come home to an empty house and there being an intruder but in all honesty that still worries me about myself and I'm 35!!

Odd- the analogy wasn't comparing one with the other. It was referring to the fact that parents don't get to make all the choices about how they raise their kids. The law exists to protect kids, sometimes from their parents daft decisions.

Flower can you pls link to that list? I'd like to compare to what my dd knows

On my phone and struggling to do it. If you google Staying Home Alone NSPCC you'll find it.
It's things like being able to make themselves a snack, use the cooker and microwave alone and safely, contact a relative/friend in needed. Lots of other things too.

Oh and Sewing- re them playing out with friends I wouldn't let an 8 year old do that either! When my child plays with friends it's either at their house or ours and in a back garden with adults around or at a park with adults around.
Stuff happens. Kids fall of climbing frames, kids get knocked down by cars etc etc. I don't understand the desperation for our children to be all grown up at 8/9 (or even 4/5).

I leave my 10 and 8yr old often to run quick errands to get milk etc from the shops, or take one or the other to Scouts etc. I'm never gone for very long. They can both make snacks and drinks. My 10 yr old makes herself a coffee. One day I got caught in an horrific traffic jam and was an hour and a half. My 10 has a mobile so texts me - they know not to open the door and I've taught them both to ring 999.

I think it's good for them to have a little space on their own.

it's the same as them playing out/going out
there are lots of things they need to learn to deal with
some people think it better to learn it all at once when older, some think you teach them it bit by bit

so my kids are not allowed to cook unsupervised, end of! when i am happy they can cook supervised, i will think about leaving them over a mealtime but with food to reheat (risk of burning themselves getting it out) and finally, cooking for themselves. i think this is a long way off tbh. i am a little paranoid about it.

they have to be able to use the phone, know where my number is, know 999

no friends are ever allowed in if they are alone

etc

yes, i do feel the risks are higher when they are out playing. i am still happy for them to play out but thats the part i dont understand about 'home alone' - far more can go wrong outside surely (if you remove the cooking/hot water aspect in particular), yet even schools are happy for kids to walk home alone 7+

i am happy for children to walk home 7+ (route dependant) but dont understand why if that is ok, being home alone for a similar length of time (say 5-20 mins) is considered so horrific

Apologies for misunderstanding. I do however think that parental judgement comes into it - I do proper health and safety risk assessment (if you google it, you can find out how to do it) before making decisions. Smoking with children in cars = definitely injurious to their health. Leaving a child alone for a short while when you're doing an errand = possibly injurious to their health.

Here's the NSPCC list:

Does your child seem to be responsible and mature for their age and always do what you tell him or her?
Would they be able to fix themselves something to eat and drink and would you be happy with them using the cooker or microwave?
Can you imagine how they’d cope in an emergency like a power cut or a flooded bathroom?
Would they know what to do if the phone rang or someone came to the door?
Would they know how to contact you or another family member or friend if they needed to?
How would they feel about being left alone – pleased to be given the responsibility or scared by the thought of it?

That list doesn't take into account the fact that many of those things are irrelevant if you're leaving them to drop another kid at Brownies. No I wouldn't trust DS to use the cooker but he doesn't need to. I know he'd be very upset in an emergency if there was a flood in the bathroom but if there was a power cut, he'd be annoyed that the console had gone off.

He'd be absolutely fine with all the other things. And I'd bloody hope he'd be absolutely fine with the whole lot by the time he's 14!

I don't think 7 year olds should be walking home alone San, as I've said.
You said that you wouldn't be happy for them to cook alone but you do leave them alone in the house with a cooker. Presumably you've told them not to touch it and assume your children will do as instructed. Do your young children always do what they're told? I consider my daughter to be very well behaved but I can't say that she absolutely always does exactly what I've told her (she's a child!!).

The NSPCC guidelines states that they shouldn't be left alone unless they can use a cooker safely just in case they do. Because they're kids and because kids sometimes do daft things!

It's not desperation for them to grow up incidentally. Decision making is a critical life skill. It's my responsibility as a parent to bring up a child who has the skills to navigate his way through a tricky world. That doesn't happen overnight and gradual steps where they learn slowly and safely through practice that they can do things alone is the best way of learning. In my opinion obviously

Why are they irrelevant if you're going to Brownies? How long do you think it takes a child to burn themselves, scald themselves, fall downstairs etc etc. They don't need to use the cooker, the kettle, or even the stairs perhaps but those things are there and, being kids, they might just get an idea to use them!

Odd, I totally agree about decision making. My child goes on Brownie camps, stays over at friends houses etc. She is very independent actually. I just don't feel the need to adopt a sink or swim approach.

omg a power cut!!!

now that would be a disaster
i imagine my children, staring forlornly at the xbox

i know you dont want your 7 year old walking home alone, flowergirlmum, but society judges it to be an age appropriate activity with parental consent

yep, my kids would never use the oven. 1 - why would they? they prefer sausage rolls from the bakery if left over lunch 2 - they know its not allowed
there are a lot of benefits to treating your kids as independent, responsible beings. they tend to live up to expectations
teenagers - whole different story

I am absolutely certain my son wouldn't try and turn on the cooker, the kettle or anything else. Honestly.

Did you read what I said about proper risk assessment?

There is no way on this earth that my dd would use the oven while I was out! She wouldn't run a bath either. The only problem we'll have here when I want to leave her is that we don't have a landline. Although she can use either of two iPads to text/ FaceTime if she needed someone

I think, in short, is be cross if a law was introduced and it stopped me parenting in the way I wanted. Particularly if I couldn't leave a teenager as it would be impossible for me to go to work aside from anything else!

I don't agree with a four year old being left for any amount of time! Six I think is the youngest, and just for a few minutes