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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
OddFodd · 27/03/2015 23:57

What sort of difficult situation? He doesn't leave the sofa. He doesn't even look out of the window if the doorbell rings.

I leave the door locked but he can unlock it if he has to get out. He knows how to call me. His mobility issues aren't massive - he's hypermobile and has dyspraxia so he's just a bit slow and awkward. In the unlikely event that the house spontaneously combusted in the 10 minutes I was out, he's perfectly able to get out and ask a neighbour for help.

Gibble1 · 28/03/2015 00:00

OT everyone has a door which is locked or not. We have a turn handle which is entirely separate to the lock. Tbh, we RARELY lock the door. It isn't locked now and is not often locked when we go out. My door is usually open from the beginning of the summer to the end of Autumn and has children wandering in and out. I may not this year as the kids are older and know to just walk in (including the neighbours kids) perhaps with a knock if they don't live here but we have dogs who need to be contained!
I actually went away for the weekend once, and left the front door WIDE open! We were in the process of moving too so everything we owned was neatly boxed up and labelled. I got home, saw the door open, raced in with DCs and thought TFFT! when I saw all of our belongings were still there.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 00:01

Personally I'd take him with me. If that was too difficult I'd get my friend to find alternative transport.

My initial answer to the OP would probably have been that there's no need to set an age as most people wouldn't leave young children alone. I've been surprised by some of these posts (hence the questions!).

PitOfFique · 28/03/2015 00:12

Round here (UK) it's the norm for kids to start walking to school at age 8 (year 4), as they go to middle school in year 5 and it is then the norm to walk yourself to then. In rural areas kids also get the school bus from age 4. To be fair it's a door to door service, not a public bus and driver presumably DBS checked!!

PitOfFique · 28/03/2015 00:15

I left my four year old DD at home for 10 mins the other week. She was ill in bed; elder DD needed collecting from Rainbows. There's always a risk but I judged it to be low, and probably no greater than the risk of getting run over on the way to or from Rainbows.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 00:21

4 years old for 10 mins? Sorry Pit but I don't understand why you'd do that. I really don't think I've ever met a 4 year old who is genuinely capable of being alone in a house. I'd have got a friend to collect the older one from Rainbows or she wouldn't have gone.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 00:22

It's interesting that all these timings are 10 minutes! Does everyone live precisely 10 mins from where they need to be???

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 00:44

The Corum Children's Centre which is an agency concerned with child protection says this-
What age can I leave my child at home on their own?
Parents often wonder when it is safe to leave a child unsupervised at home. The law does not specify an age when a child can be left at home alone. However, parents commit an offence if leaving the child at home alone puts him or her at risk.
Coram Children’s Legal Centre advise that most children under the age of 13 should not be left at home alone. Even a short period of time on their own can be distressing and lonely for a child, most children under 13 years of age would not be able to cope with an emergency

Definitely not 4 then.

voluptuagoodshag · 28/03/2015 01:03

Mine are 10 & 11.

Gibble1 · 28/03/2015 02:25

The corums childrens centre may well be right. Children under 13 may not be able to cope in an emergency. Mine can. You know why? They have been in an emergency and have had an adult (me) shouting (I'm deaf and it's loud) clear instructions at them. You know why I can do that? I've had training. I'm a nurse, have been trained in first aid since the age of 9 and am the fire warden for my ward at work. Doesn't mean that when my dishwasher caught fire that I didn't absolutely poop my pants afterwards and ring DH saying "OMG, OMG, THE HOUSE NEARLY BURNED DOWN"!"

I was often in an emergency as a child. Alcoholic mother and violent step father. Often put her in recovery position. One night, he broke through locked front door. He was bleeding and there was lots of shouting. Now obviously, I treated him first as he was bleeding. I then got DSis to help clear up the glass and DM to go to police. When we finished at police at around 3 am and DM had declined all offers of a women's refuge, she drove us home absolutely pooing herself. I quite calmly said to get the next days clothes and drive us to my aunties house (over 2 hours away) as we were all safe there. Thankfully she did and DSis and I were left there in the morning (DM came and said she had to go to work- I said we were staying). My sister is 14 months older than me, we both had a shitty upbringing. She is a librarian and I am a nurse.
I coped with being left as a child, my DSis and DM did not make wise decisions when left alone. My DM was supposedly the adult but when the shit hit the fan, at 8 years old, I was the one who could be relied upon to keep everyone safe.

andeepolla · 28/03/2015 05:27

may I ask where these mothers were arrested? which country. I have lived both in the states and in sweden and everyones family i know at sometime or another must leave there kids at home. the entire town would be in jail more or less.

notharriet · 28/03/2015 06:21

Those who say they wouldn't leave a 14 year old home alone.. Who looks after them? There is no childcare for middle kids round here..

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 07:11

Gibble I don't really understand your first paragraph. You feel they could cope in an emergency if you weren't there because you have first aid training? But you wouldn't be there to administer it. You feel they could cope because previously you have shouted instructions at them in an emergency-,but you wouldn't be there to shout them. You say you panicked (quite understandably) in an emergency. How much more would children panic if alone?

I'm sorry about your own childhood. It sounds awful and it also sounds like as an 8 year old you had been forced to grow up and be the adult. I don't want my children to have to do that. It's my job to be the adult.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 07:13

Not Harriet- no child care for middle kids? Not sure I understand that. As a parent it's your job to find child care. Babysitter, friends, relatives etc etc??

staffaangel · 28/03/2015 07:14

My perspective is my Grandparents were working at 14. I am happy to leave my daughter of 13 and twins of 14 at home whilst I am at work or at the supermarket. My children can wash their own clothes and iron them. Make simple meals. Walk to and from school and activities close by such as football and badminton club. Play out with friends etc. I have given them the freedom I wanted as a child because I believe it brings maturity.

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 07:21

13 and 14 year olds for short periods of time is in my opinion reasonable. 4 and 5 year olds for short periods of time most certainly isn't. In fact if I knew someone who was regularly leaving a 4 year old home alone I'd seriously consider reporting them.

SewingAndCakes · 28/03/2015 07:21

I think the different opinions here illustrate that a legal set age for leaving children would be completely inappropriate due to the different parenting styles/expectations of children.

I'm not going to be changing my mind about leaving my two older boys for short periods, but I will be making sure that they each know the rules and what do in certain situations. There's obviously no way I'm leaving my 2.9 year old for a long time yet!

Flowergirlmum · 28/03/2015 07:27

See I'm not sure I agree about different parenting styles. We legislate about many other aspects of parenting don't we. We don't as a nation leave all decisions around parenting to parents. Some might think it's ok to smoke in cars with children around. That might be their "style" but we have legislated against that.
Sometimes the law has to make good decisions where parents don't.

SewingAndCakes · 28/03/2015 07:44

I think there's already too much legislation though and it can make parents feel anxious and insecure about their choices. The vast majority of parents are more than capable of judging what to feed their kids, what age they can leave them or let them play outside, not to smoke around them, etc. Education, SS, and good family support services are better suited to fill the gap I think.

I don't want to be given a list of different ages for everything regarding my children; I'm capable of deciding for myself although I understand not every parent is.

VirginiaTonic · 28/03/2015 07:57

The trouble is, if a statutory age was introduced at which children were allowed to be left, then there would be some parents that would use this as their guide, leaving a child alone that was the right age but without the capacity to be alone safely. If something happened to that child then parents would be able to negate their own responsibility to their child, and blame the law. This issue is not a clear cut one like smoking in cars, that is bad full stop, not a style issue.

sanfairyanne · 28/03/2015 08:05

i think middle kids is perhaps kids at middle school (a kind of in between primary and secondary)
there isnt much childcare for what i would call secondary age, 11+. supply and demand. there isnt much demand for it as most people obviously consider it unnecessary. you can find it if you want to, but obviously most people dont bother

i personally start leaving the kids age about 7 or 8 i think, probably it was 8 for the eldest pfb, the youngest has begged to be left from about 6, obviously supermarket shopping held no appeal for her! considering the responsibility they have in scandinavia/germany at that age, i am being overly cautious. my main worry is loneliness, i wont leave them if i think they will get lonely Sad . i am not a big worrier about stranger abduction from house/bizarre household accident/spontaneous combustion of sofa.

sanfairyanne · 28/03/2015 08:06

smoking in cars while kids are in is not illegal yet betw

OddFodd · 28/03/2015 08:27

Some people really wouldn't leave a 14 year old home alone? Bloody hell I find that depressing.

SewingAndCakes · 28/03/2015 08:27

I still think that playing out is more hazardous than staying in the house. I feel more comfortable when I leave my kids at home than when they are outside with friends.

MrsMarigold · 28/03/2015 08:31

Actually was thinking about this last night and I remember the first time my parents left me and my DBro on our to go to a wedding. We were both teenagers and my DBro put some sausages in the oven then went outside and got distracted tinkering around with his bike I was doing my also in the garden - sunbathing and there was a fire in the kitchen, we had a babysitter for years after.