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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 22:26

Personally I couldn't care less which country they're from. I think those ages are miles too young.

OddFodd · 27/03/2015 22:30

But they're not considered to be in other countries. So that rather suggests that your POV is entirely cultural.

I leave DS to take a friend to the station but he's 7. He has the kind of SN which means he's much safer in the house than he'd ever be on the street. I do feel a bit uncomfortable doing it but I think it really is because it's so disapproved on here, not because it's intrinsically wrong.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 22:32

You see I think it's madness! I don't understand why you'd ever need to leave such a young child alone. Why can't they go with you, or if they're ill you don't go!! It would never cross my mind to dream of leaving my very bright 8 year old alone for any length of time.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 22:37

'my very bright 8 year old'

Grin Grin Grin

yeah, ours are just thick

mine ask to be left at home or to walk to school but i prize independence for my gifted and talented darlings

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 22:42

Not at all- I said that because some have justified leaving their child on the grounds that he/she is bright. My child is intelligent and sensible but is fundamentally an 8 year old and thus, to my mind, not old enough to make adult decisions if needed.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 22:44

And on independence- schools generally prize independence but they would not leave young children unsupervised. Independence does not depend on being left alone.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 22:46

I'm curious- those who leave very young children, do you lock the door or leave it open?

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:01

depends. with my teens i lock the door or get them to lock it, as we always lock our doors and it is good practice for them
if i leave the younger ones, generally just for about 10 mins, i leave it open in case of fire so they can escape easily. we talk it through as well so they know fire safety drills, not that it is very likely to happen

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:04

I'll take the teens out of my comment as I think leaving teens is quite different to leaving 4 year olds.

If the door is left open then San how do you ensure that people can't just walk in (or indeed, your child just walk out!).

OddFodd · 27/03/2015 23:10

You really don't think your 'very bright' 8 year old can cope alone for 10 minutes?

8 is not a 'young child' either.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:13

yeah to be fair, i dont class my 8 year old as 'very young' either, and i dont think i would leave a 4 or 5 year old more than a few mins while,say, in the garden so you might have to ask someone else that
with my kids, as i am only out a short while and dont trust them to open a lock in a panic, i prefer the door open. it would be incredibly unlikely that a stranger would break in in that 10 mins so i dont worry about it.a fire is a tiny risk too of course, i know.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:15

She's nearly 9 actually and works with pupils two years older than her at school and no I wouldn't leave her alone for 10 minutes and yes, 8 is a young child. Academic ability does not equate to an adult sensibility and a capability to respond to any situation that might occur during those 10 minutes. If indeed it is 10 minutes and the traffic/a neighbour/a phone call/an accident doesn't hold you up.

What's the issue with just taking your children with you? I don't get it.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:17

A slight risk San but it happens. To be honest my question re the locked door was largely aimed at those who had commented that they left 4/5 year olds alone. I can't imagine either a locked or an unlocked door to be a great option for children that young.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:18

i do it deliberately in small amounts of time to boost their confidence and independence. i know other people do it all at once, often when they start secondary, but it is not my philosophy.

FastWindow · 27/03/2015 23:19

And I will refer you all again to the whole point where it is up to the parent.

They don't have to be 'very bright' to be totally out of their depth. I'm 'very bright'. I still freaked a bit to be home alone at 9. For half an hour. It was the responsibility... I was fine to be out of the house all day!

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:19

i'm not very risk averse. that helps.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:21

FastWindow, a good reminder. the kids have to be happy with it. i always offer mine the choice.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:23

I agree Fast. Being bright and coping entirely alone are two separate things. I hated being home alone, even as a teen.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:24

That's fine San so long as they're old enough to understand the implications of the choice. Sometimes as a parent we have to make the choices for them don't we.

OddFodd · 27/03/2015 23:33

If my DS didn't want to be left alone, of course I wouldn't. He begs not to come. He has mobility issues which means it takes a very long time to get him out of the house.

I've only done it a couple of times - like I said I feel uncomfortable - but I think that's cultural and that our attitude to risk in the UK is entirely out of kilter with the reality.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 23:33

my parenting philosophy is to give them as much independence as they can safely handle from as young an age as possible. i am quite happy and comfortable with my choices.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:39

So can I ask you Odd (as I'm trying to understand how you do this), do you leave the door locked? Do you not worry even more so if he has mobility issues that in a difficult situation he might struggle? I don't know the extent of his difficulties but I'm curious to understand as your approach is so different to mine. (My daughter hates going to Tescos for example but does!).

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:40

And San, you say "as young as they can handle"- what age did you start leaving them alone then?

voluptuagoodshag · 27/03/2015 23:49

I leave the door locked on the snib so that they can get out the house in an emergency but no one can get in without a key. They don't answer door to anyone, they don't leave the house (unless an emergency), they know which doors to knock on if need be.
My two (like any siblings) love point scoring so turn the what if scenario into a game to see who gets the right answer. And often as not, a healthy debate ensues as to the pros and cons of a choice.
Both of mine have their own house key just in case. DD has own phone both know how to use landline and who to phone.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 23:54

Sorry Vol how old are your children?

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