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MNHQ

Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:

squizita · 30/03/2015 20:06

I once spoke to a parent who honestly said they'd drive their son to uni. As a result they expected him to attend one in North/West London or maybe Reading at a pinch. So of course his career would be limited as if the "best" university for his abilities wasn't one of the 4 or so that fitted...

They were deadly serious.

As PP mentioned, for them it had crossed the line from protecting the child to being psychologically easier than "letting go" and feeling fear.

He was kicking off left right and centre (being 15 and never allowed out/alone). A very unhappy boy.

EveDallas · 30/03/2015 20:06

Fake, we do too, but it's pretty much gone past anything we can do about it. Sadly the girl has become quite defensive/nasty about it. Most of them go to the same school and the girl started being horrible about it. As an adult I can see why, it's a defence mechanism so I can sympathise. I've explained to DD and she gets it, and does try to be compassionate/understanding but I can't do that with the other kids.

I wish her parents could see the problems it has caused. I worry that by the time she is allowed out the kids will be past that stage. Right now they play games, build dens, climb trees. All the stuff they should be doing at that age.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 20:13

Little ducks I've posted what public opinion is according to a YouGov poll up thread. It's actually not very divided at all,

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 20:17

Do you believe that the only fun childhood one where the kids are allowed to run feral then?!
My child is always supervised but has a great childhood. In fact her best friend has just gone home after they've spent a great afternoon together laughing their heads off! They're together again tomorrow afternoon/ probably for more of the same!! The only difference is that I'm here too because I'm the parent, the adult and it is my job to supervise. Not to rely on luck/neighbours etc etc.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 20:22

Little ducks- I am glad you believe it unlikely you would be prosecuted for leaving a child alone. However the law (and this part is law not just advice) is that if your child comes to harm (emotionally or physically) then you could be charged. That is the law. You're right, they might let you off in the way that people sometimes do get let off when they break the law, or they might not. If they don't then, as I've already stated, the penalty ranges from a fine to 10 years imprisonment. That is law not suggestion.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 20:24

Fake- the phrase clutching at straws springs to mind. Since your cooking up a little fantasy then how's this? You ring your next door neighbour and explain the dilemma. She pops round and helps you out.

littleducks · 30/03/2015 20:57

Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

From gov website. It's a very wide phrase Not tight lawyer language at all, "likely" is very much open to interpretation.

Anyway i think I'm leaving the thread now it's going round in circles and nobody seems to be changing their mind!

oh and the poll wasnt about short time frames, the minimum time frame was an hour.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 21:02

The poll suggested 12 as a minimum age. 2/3rds of parents supported that. Only 1% supported 7 year olds being left alone. Again, arguing that it didn't refer to "short time frames" is, I'm afraid, clutching at straws.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 21:05

Re the law- if the child is hurt or upset while alone then a parent is very exposed to prosecution. I've said this lots of times already by the way...

EveDallas · 30/03/2015 21:13

Do you believe that the only fun childhood one where the kids are allowed to run feral then?!

Run feral? Who said that?

I think a childhood that includes playing outside with a bunch of other children, playing games like French Cricket, British Bulldogs, Hide and Seek and Nerf Wars, climbing trees, building 'secret' dens and riding bikes is preferable to a childhood watching these things happen through a window and not being allowed to join in, yes. Don't you?

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 21:16

I would imagine that a bunch of 10 year olds utterly unsupervised is pretty feral to be honest.
All marvellous things (not so much the Nerf wars- don't really go in for that). Why can that not happen at the park with a parent sitting on a bench nearby? In a back garden with a parent watching?

fakenamefornow · 30/03/2015 21:21

You ring your next door neighbour and explain the dilemma

For me there would be no dilemma, I would leave them alone for 90 sec. In your world I would be a criminal. Oh and if one of my neighbours phoned me up with such a 'dilemma' I'd think they were nuts.

The you-gov poll, if people were asked how old do you think it's OK to leave a child for 2 mins I image plenty would say under 12. My eldest is 9, I wouldn't leave her alone for an hour, but I would leave her for 5 mins, once I'd done that a few times I might leave her for 10 mins slowly building up so that maybe by the time she was 12 we might both be happy for her to be left for an hour, maybe even more depending on how things went. If you have a blanket law that a child can't be left, even for one minute, before they are 12 you have to start this slow build up so much later and so have a shorter time to teach independence. Also a blanket ban on leaving children alone who result in the ridiculous situation of the parent in the 90 sec situation committing a criminal act.

EveDallas · 30/03/2015 21:23

Nope, not feral at all. They are all great kids, boys and girls ranging from 6-12 years old. There could be anything from one kid on their own on the swings up to about 16 kids all running about and having fun.

It couldnt happen in a back garden because the green is the size of 3 football pitches and includes a footie pitch, park (swings n stuff) tennis court and trim trail. Oh and there is only one bench which is generally used in the games!

The nerf wars are fun too, lots of running around - great exercise

Certainly much better for the children than being stuck indoors like the one poor bugger is.

sanfairyanne · 30/03/2015 21:24

you'd hate where i live Flowers - bunches of 10 year olds everywhere, no parents in sight
funnily enough though, they are just playing footie, hide n seek, on scooters. its not lord of the rings

sanfairyanne · 30/03/2015 21:25

lord of the flies

although they are more like the hobbits

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 21:27

Not in my work Fake- in THE world if you left your child and they came to harm you would potentially be charged.

Children can do all sorts in less than no time. I wouldn't ever leave a young child in the house alone. Ever. I would always find another solution because actually, there always is one.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 21:30

What you don't seem to realise is that the alternative to them playing out alone (and 6 really??!) is not looking out through a window at the world, or staring at the TV. The alternative is being out with the supervision of adults. I totally agree that your neighbour is exhibiting crap parenting if her child is only allowed to watch fun.

Can't help but think we're way off topic with this. The thread is about being home alone.

fakenamefornow · 30/03/2015 21:31

This thread is making me so sad, I was the child in the window, I feel so resentful towards my Mum for it. It wasn't for my benefit at all, it was all about her, she 'couldn't live with herself if something happened' she 'would feel better with me with her' I wish I had been allowed to run feral.

OddFodd · 30/03/2015 21:31

Just curious Flower, do you let your daughter and her friend go upstairs or out into the garden on their own? Or do they have to be in sight at all times?

irregularegular · 30/03/2015 21:35

I think one could have a blanket age. Just because maturity varies, isn't an absolute argument for not imposing a blanket age anyway. You cannot easily enforce a vague law, so it may be worth having a precise law. We have blanket ages for smoking, age of consent, criminal responsibility and other things, even though the right age may vary from person to person.

fakenamefornow · 30/03/2015 21:53

Not in my work Fake- in THE world if you left your child and they came to harm

Isn't the wording of the law at the moment 'if they are 'likely' to come to harm'? (might be wrong on this) I would say that that left at home alone asleep in bed for 90 seconds they are not 'likely' to come to harm, do you think they are? So, it is only in the world with the blanket ban on leaving them that I would be committing a criminal act.

littleducks · 30/03/2015 21:53

Seriously Flower? Oh ffs.

5madthings · 30/03/2015 21:54

Supervise ten year old at the park or in the garden? Why? My local park is a few mins walk from my house, my ten year old doesn't need supervising their or in the garden. He is fine to go off and play for a bit and come home and check in with me. The idea that I would sit and watch him as he plays in the garden is laughable. I don't sit and watch my four year old in our garden. It's enclosed and safe. I leave the back patio doors open and can hear her playing and I look out every so often. She doesn't need me to watch her every second of the day. She often plays upstairs while I am downstairs and vice versa.

It's not actually healthy to constantly supervise children and not practical or possible when you have more than one off different ages. I may have one in.the garden, two out the front in the cul De sac another upstairs and one of out on his own. I will be getting on with stuff around the house and checking on them occasionally but I don't watch them constantly.

My.Partner actually works in child protection, dealing with real neglect and abuse if someone reported us for letting our 15 yr old babysit or our ten year old cycle to school or stay home for half an hour on his own he would laugh in their face. These are all perfectly normal parenting choices, just like home birth is a normal and acceptable choice as well and I have seen you argue against that flowergirl you seem to disagree with lots of perfectly normal parenting choices. That's fine you are entitled to make your own choices for your family but that's where your remit ends, you don't get to make choices for others.

MehsMum · 30/03/2015 21:55

I would imagine that a bunch of 10 year olds utterly unsupervised is pretty feral to be honest.
Nooooo! I was one, once. Big gaggle of kids aged about 7/8-13-ish. Mostly I hung out with the ones nearer to me in age. We weren't feral at all. We even slowed down one whole summer, when one of our number had a leg in plaster. There was one (very nice) boy who was eventually taken into care: he was genuinely neglected, but I knew it was okay to take him home with me, because my mother would feed him. Even then, I knew the difference between freedom and neglect.

And we all got left at home by ourselves. A couple of times, my parents left me to get my own breakfast and make my own way to school.

MehsMum · 30/03/2015 22:02

The poll suggested 12 as a minimum age. 2/3rds of parents supported that.
Just saw this. FFS. When I was just turned eleven, I was going 10m to school on my own. I would say that was much more dangerous than being left on my own, at home, with a book. Even now, a LOT of children make the same sort of journey to school that I made, at the same age.

Has this website been linked to yet? Sorry, I've not had time to read every post.

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