Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

At the same age I remember going off on long bike rides to the next village with my brother as well (I say long, it felt long but I have just looked it up on Google Maps and it was 2 miles!) Everyone knew my parents so that was a factor in being free, as they would all tell us off or ring our dads if we were up to anything. Similarly if you needed help you knew where to ask for it.

It depends on the child. My almost 9 year old has very very recently been allowed to go to the shop on his own (no crossing roads required) but I wouldn't leave him in the house alone, he has the common sense of a gnat and the ability to destroy rooms in moments. My 6 year old is a different child altogether, I can quite easily imagine trusting him to be home alone for a short period (although he never is). I went to and from school alone from 9, but my son's school won't let them leave unaccompanied until Year 6 now, so even if I wanted to let them I couldn't.

I made a referral to SS a few years back, when the woman across the road left her 5 year old alone from 5.30-am to 3pm every day. I was in when SS visited and asked her on the doorstep if this was true- she, obviously, denied it, and they NFA'd it. That still makes me cross...

Lots of reliance on neighbours then. Maybe that's what's changed. Neighbours more likely to be at work, less likely to know local children, possibly even worried to interfere for fear of being called a 'busybody' (as some on here have described concerned neighbours). Perhaps even fearful of groups of young teenagers so less likely to engage in conversation.
I live in a tiny village where literally everyone knows your name. I still don't let my daughter be out or home alone because it's my job to look after her, not my neighbours.

It should make you cross Mamus. You have every right to go back to them and nag a bit. In fact when it comes to safeguarding that's exactly what you're advised to do.

I grew up playing out at the park etc, Raf housing estates both abroad and in the UK, we all played out. When I lived in Cyprus I would go to the beach etc.

Once in the UK my mum got a part time job so I would be on my own and once about 14 I looked after my sister, five years younger. My mum even did night shifts and we would be left alone when my dad was away (often) then in the mornings I would get myself and sister up and ready for school, drop my sister at childminder in morning and then go to school. I was also regularly babysitting for others at that age. And did a paper Round and started working in kitchens in hotels and an oap home. I would get up and cycle to the hotel to do the early morning shift on weekends. I saved a good amount of money for uni with the jobs I did in my teen years. I had to get myself to and from most places on a bike due to parents jobs. My 15 yr old babysits and volunteers part time in a little pc shop in town.

He was given bits of responsibility such as school run, trip to the shop etc on his own so am confident in his abilities. He can get the train to visit relatives and has done so since about 13. So train into London and a connection to make.

Ds2 12 will walk half hour to town to meet friends for cinema or lazer quest etc.

The elder three have mobile phones to contact us if necessary. So actually much easier than it was when I was a kid to stay in contact.

Ds4 is just 7 and will play out in our cul De sac and I would leave him alone whilst I nip to the local shop or with ds1 for longer periods etc. He cycles with me to school. On the next year or so depending I will let him go to the local shop on his own. He can go up the road to a friends. We are lucky the area we live has quiet roads and the little shop and library etc. But we chose it because of the amenities and the cul De sac for the kids to play out etc.

These things all depend on area and most importantly the child themselve.

But parents should imo be teaching children stuff like who to contact in an emergency, basic safety and first aid etc. How to dial 999, safe escape routes etc.

I don't believe that in the scenario described before with a child falling off the sofa anyone would be prosecuted. The McCanns are quizzed but not charged or subject to further SS involvement after returning to the UK for goodness sake.

I reckon a SW would be unlikely to even turn up but if they did i reckon they wouldnt pursue further unless there were underlying concerns. i will ask around at work next time we have SWs in and see what they say

Ss would follow up albeit call or visit and so would police if a complaint had been made.. I cover a lot sg and cp scenarios and you would be surprised at some case studies,
But we talking leaving alone not playing out with a parent at home etc, I grew up in 70s but I was never left alone until teens nor allowed on public transport until teens ,we weren't allowed a paper round but did Saturday jobs etc, sadly things were just as bad in the 70s/80s but was never really in public media, more brushed under carpet.

Would you think differently Fake if the law stipulated that 6 year olds, or 5 year olds couldn't be left alone?

Bit slow to come back but, no I wouldn't feel different. Example, it's 10pm your 5 and 6 yo are sleep in bed and you need to drop something off with a neighbour, can't do it any other time. Do you a) make the 90 sec journey across the road with monitor, leaving children asleep in bed. Or b) wake them both up put raincoats shoes etc on them and take two crying (mine would be crying by now) children with you? Neighbours can't come pick things up because they have young children as well.

In your world mum A is a criminal, but I'm with the criminal parent and would leave mine in bed.

www.gulbenkian.org.uk/publications/publications/42-NO-FEAR.html

i cant link to the summary, but this book looks interesting
No Fear:Growing up in a risk averse society

In the case of running cross the road for 90seconds no that would be ok if that short amount of time.. but I would never be in that situation someone else would drop off or I would leave at door etc,as nothing that important to me ..if on other hand it was round corner where house out of site I would be concerned for welfare of children in that situation !

I love the arguments from various people that SS wouldn't push for charges so that's ok. Is that really how you judge your own parenting? Everything is ok so long as I'd get away without charges?? Madness!

By the way Fake, for me the parcel would wait or it'd be dealt with earlier on.

I copied/pasted the below from the summary of the book i linked to. not all about staying home alone, but interesting still i think

The shrinking horizons of childhood
There is a widely held view that children grow up faster
today. But, in fact, prior to adolescence their lives are far
more controlled and overseen than 30 years ago.
â?? In 1971 eight out of ten children aged seven or eight
years went to school on their own. By 1990 this figure
had dropped to less than one in ten.
â?? In 1971 the average seven-year-old made solo trips to
their friends or the shops. By 1990 that freedom was
withheld until the age of ten.
â?? Children today spend about four times as much time being
looked after by their parents as children did in 1975.

In the case of running cross the road for 90seconds

So any law drafted would exempt running across the road for 90 sec, if children are asleep in bed?

By the way Fake, for me the parcel would wait or it'd be dealt with earlier on.

Suppose it was the neighbours asthma inhaler that she forgot and left at your house?

Oh, I know, you could call a taxi, neighbour can wait half an hour for it to arrive and deliver the medication!

Tbh its not even worth entering in conversation with you fake as you seem quite willing to put your child at risk I'm not so guess that's end of it..

No of course not that's just silly but if their front door was dead opp and you could run it across then I guess OK but like I said I wouldn't do it I would drop off earlier or get them to collect as as selfish as it sounds my child come 1st and any normal person has a spare inhaler

Thankfully though as its was quoted you leave alone mother's are in the minority now

My point want that at all. For pages now youhave been suggesting that parents are likely to be prosecuted for neglect. I was just stating i think that is unlikely. Most parents won't ever have any contact with SW. But in the scenarios you describe i don't think it would happen.

And i explained long ago the benefits (imo). My parenting is not based on what i think I would get away with at all.

It isn't wrong in law. It isn't against NSPCC guidelines exactly as they fulfil the requirements on the list. public opinion is divided it seems.

Thing is with all this IMO overprotection, you might mitigate against the dramatic one in a million tragedies, but I think the cost is the creeping damage, that's not so visible, raising less confident, capable and happy children. I would only leave my children if I were confident in their abilities and they were happy to be left. As opposed to dragging out a miserable objecting 10yo child who just wants to stay at home for 15 mins. Or the risks were so minisule (90 sec exaple above) I didn't think they should dictate my action, or be breaking any law, although I understand that some on this thread would think even this was far to dangerous and not a risk they'd take.

Also I do think there is a very big element of self protection here, we don't want to have to worry.

I have never left my 8 year old alone, even for 5 minutes. She is very sensible, but it's not her I worry about.

When she's 11 I will still have to go to work every day, so I'm not sure how I'm going to manage childcare, but there is no way I will consider leaving her alone at that age. What do other parents do?

Feel so sorry for the child left crying at the window watching the other children play, that was me, I have a bad relationship with my mum to this day because of the joy less childhood I had. I do think this colours my opinion.

Happy, pick a school with an after-school homework club, otherwise it might be a good idea to get an au pair so she has some company. I would be more worried about the lack of companionship than safety at that age, tbh.

I would go across to the neighbour as well, but a bit of me would be thinking, 'so what if something happens and I can't get back? Kids don't know where I am'.

Ha ha - au pair - only on Mumsnet. I'll get a cleaner and a spa break while I'm at it.

Sorry, I'm trying to make myself laugh so I don't cry.

Don't be so snarky. Many people end up doing that when they go back to work, as it can cost from £50 a week depending on the hours they have to do, which are generally light with older kids. I know people whose kids share rooms, or who share rooms with their kids, so they can fit in an au pair. Your comment was really out of order and you came across as very snobbish.

I am thankful for the advice. But there is no way an au pair would want to live where I live. There is nothing snobby about me. I was trying to make a joke about the bubble that is mumsnet, please don't take it personally.