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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:03

So Boffin you basically want to state to take responsibility for your child on the way to school. Do you not see that as your responsibility?

BoffinMum · 30/03/2015 10:05

BTW on our street (dead end) we made a collective decision to let the kids play out freely from primary school age during daylight hours, and we put a 'Slow - Children Playing' sign up on private land where drivers can easily see it. (It is probably no coincidence quite a few Germans live round here).

One English/Irish neighbour made a fuss and said we were all terribly neglectful and her children were not even allowed on their own driveway without adults (aged something like 9) but the rest of us voted that to be paranoid and ridiculous. Frankly in our discussion it was generally felt the woman concerned was the main danger to children locally, as her driving was so bad, so we took the opportunity to tell her off for that and get her in line as well.

[I note her children are not even allowed to play in their own garden very often - she's probably afraid of mud and bees as well. It's probably Playstations for them ... not that we would know as we never see them, don't even know their names].

Locally, the rest of the kids are great at getting onto the pavement if a delivery van comes along, ("CAR COMING!!') and they are also good about keeping the noise down at other times (not everyone has kids here).

It can be done. Everyone's happy. That's what life should be about.

BrieAndChilli · 30/03/2015 10:05

The reason more accidents happen at home is because that is where people spend the majority of thier time!

BoffinMum · 30/03/2015 10:06

I did not say that, I wanted better road design (which benefits everyone) and I want my child to take some responsibility for his/her own behaviour in the company of like-minded children, with me and school as a back up resource.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:08

So Boffin is your message here that parents who don't want their children to be unsupervised are the ones who let them spend all their time playing computer games and avoiding mud? Really?

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:09

Brie- funnily enough RoSPA didn't say that. I'm not sure it's even true to be honest. Certainly in our household, by the time you add in work/school and the myriad of after school activities, plus going to the park etc etc we're hardly ever in! I'm sure we're not unusual in that!

BoffinMum · 30/03/2015 10:10

No, my point is that the woman is a bit of an arse and annoys the rest of us with her nonsense.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:11

But Boffin school are not legally a "back up resource" before school starts or after it ends. Several people have pointed that out several times.

Housemum · 30/03/2015 10:15

Are those statistics for unattended children or for all children? I work part-time on a children's assessment unit and have seen young kids with accidental overdoses/poisoning, but I've not yet seen one where the parents weren't in the house at the time. If the stats are for all cases, that would include ones where parent has come in having given too much (e.g. dad already given, mum gives again and panics in case child has had too much), or where child has gone through mum's bag and taken one of her tablets, or picked up the cleaning fluid while mum/dad cleaning. Those pretty little washing capsules have a lot to answer for too!

BoffinMum · 30/03/2015 10:16

Confused Of course they are. They teach road safety and they count the children out and in. They are also in a position to lobby for good crossings near schools.

Housemum · 30/03/2015 10:17

Boffin - your road sounds like ours, one of the reasons we bought this house was that when we came to view, there were kids out playing. Yes, the yell of "CAR" is frequently heard here too!

fakenamefornow · 30/03/2015 10:27

I wish I lived where you do boffin those children must be having so much fun.

flower any stats on adults having accidents in the home? Maybe adults need a parent with them to keep them safe. Oh, and I'd put money on most of the children having accidents aren't home alone.

I will come out and say it flower I don't think you are as good a parent as you think you are. Example, standing over your 8yo (unless special needs) while she buys something in the corner shop. I would expect your 8 yo is perfectly capable of making the purchase without you, in which case you are restricting her independence, if she's not able to do this without you then you haven't trained her properly or she's picked up your paranoia. Either way, that is not the best parenting. Difference between you and me though is that I realise this is only my opinion.

2boys2girls · 30/03/2015 10:28

Letting your child out to play with parental view is fine the argument is leaving children home alone ?
I do think home alone groupies are fighting a losing battle as they will never IMO justify the rights in doing so,
If for aguements sake you left your child say 10yrs alone for a short period and something awful happened, what do you think the general public/papers would class
you as ? I know what I would think ..

sleepyhead · 30/03/2015 10:32

Really 2boys2girls? You want us to base our parenting based on what the papers might say in the event of a tragedy, rather than what we feel is best for our children?

I'm sure that can't possibly be what you meant Hmm

I risk assess, based on my assessment of the risk in that situation and with my children. If something awful happened, as with even the best laid plans - even yours - it can, I don't think knowing that the Daily Mail thought I was a terrible parent would make it much worse.

2boys2girls · 30/03/2015 10:46

Of course I Wouldn't base parenting on what the papers said, wouldn't need to I have my own opinions on it, I was just asking what you think public/papers would say? Do you think they would class it as responsible parenting or neglect ?

SewingAndCakes · 30/03/2015 10:49

"Home alone groupies"? Nice Hmm

I think it's been demonstrated quite clearly by many on this thread that they can justify leaving their child as they have judged them capable to manage (indeed learn and thrive from the experience). Yet these posters haven't been judgemental or critical of those who hold an opposing view. I think there's a lot of insecurity from some posters who are desperately trying to cling on to their worldview. I'm quite happy to agree to disagree about this issue as I accept that we are individuals with unique children. I'm not going to judge parents who don't do the same as me.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:52

Boffin- legally if a child has an accident on the way to school it is your responsibility not theirs. They count them in and out so they know who is on the premises! It has nothing to do with ensuring their safety on the journey there. Crikey, if teachers were to be held responsible at those times where would their job end?!
I do wish people would actually read posts. I said, very clearly, that when my 8 year old goes to the counter (say in a soft play place) she does so alone and from a distance (so she feels independent) I keep an eye on her. Not that I stand breathing down her neck!!
My child is bright and capable (you can believe me on that or not it doesn't matter). She does a great many things independently- she just doesn't do them alone.

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:53

2- they wouldn't only have to answer to the press/public perception but to social services and the police as well. They don't mind this though as lots of people get let off (they say).

Personally I wouldn't want my parenting to be open to debate by social services or the police but that's probably just me (and you I'm guessing 2)

sleepyhead · 30/03/2015 10:55

I frequently disagree with what the papers/general public/neighbours/man with a dog on a string think is terribly shocking, so they may well think it's neglectful but I can't see why you would think it would change anyone's mind.

As things stand, we can agree to disagree. It wouldn't occur to me to try to legislate for children to have more freedom against their parents wishes and personal perception and tolerance of risk.

I would be equally against legislation to restrict parental choice on what age they feel it is appropriate for their children to start working towards independence.

As things stand, if I make a poor choice and the police/social services feel I have put my children at an unacceptable risk of harm then I will be sanctioned. I think that is enough.

I don't believe that a legal minimum age for leaving a child alone would improve child safety, which is the whole point. (Might satisfy the curtain twitchers though - heavens, will no-one think of what the neighbours would say Shock)

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 10:55

Hang on Sewing! Haven't been judgemental or critical of those with an opposing view!?! Are you kidding me?! I beg to differ on that one!!
And to be honest I've yet to read anything that to my mind justifies leaving a young child at home alone.

2boys2girls · 30/03/2015 10:59

I agree that its an "agree to disagree" as from many things in life we can never change peoples opinions if they think its right, but that's the beauty of this "freedom of speech" parents will always think they know best and do best ! I know I do :)
Maybe groupies wrong word more brigade;)

Flowergirlmum · 30/03/2015 11:04

You're right 2. People will always disagree but that's where the law steps in to ensure that there's clear guidance about what is acceptable and what definitely isn't. At the moment it's just far too vague

2boys2girls · 30/03/2015 11:07

Agreed :)

fakenamefornow · 30/03/2015 11:20

I think our MPs are intelligent enough to realise a law would be nonsense because there are so many different factors to consider it would be impossible to draft. If they set the law at say, 12 would that mean I couldn't go out to post a letter across the road while 10 yo child was watching TV, I would be prosecuted? What about if I went to hang the washing out at the end of the garden?

I was thinking about playing out today and wondered if there is a correlation between fewer children out playing and the rise in childhood obesity.

sanfairyanne · 30/03/2015 11:23

no, 2boys2girls, most parents think they know best for their own children. only a very few people are unable to see that their personal opinion is just an opinion, not an absolute fact that should have the full weight of the law, if only the rest of the world was as good a parent as they are. the rest of us have a bit more insight.