Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

I can't answer your question about how long a 12 year old can be left for Flowergirlmum, because I don't have a 12 year old. When my oldest is 12 I will know. That's why setting an age limit wouldn't work well in my opinion; all children grow and develop differently.

I personally wouldn't leave the child in the evening becaus that's when they are meant to go to bed and I think somebody should definitely be around then.

I was on a thread the other day where many posters were adamant that it was quite normal for 13/14 year olds to have sex and that you should allow them to do it in your home- what a leap from not staying at home alone in less than two years...

Flower - and probably the most injuries from cooking are adults. You can never entirely eliminate risk. But you can weigh up the risks and make an assessment on which is the best option for you and your family.

quite normal for 13/14 year olds to have sex???

And there is a law against that! So introduction of any more when some parents are clearly flouting those that exist already would be a total waste of time, energy, money, resources

We had a private pool when DD was aged 3-5. Due to that fact she was taught to swim properly, taught to 'rescue herself' the pool had floats and safety barriers and an intercom system - we assessed the risk and took measures to minimise them. As a result DD didn't need to be constantly supervised.

DD (10) can cook basic meals and I'd have no problem with her doing so. It's nigh on impossible to start a cooking fire with an Aga and the meals she cooks, so again risk assessed, minimised and she doesn't need constant supervision. I'd be more worried she'd cut herself as she's quite Cak-handed.

Once I went to secondary school (so age 11) my parents didn't do childcare so I was left 8-5 daily every school holiday. Either in the house or out playing with friends. It was fine, no injuries, no accidents, no problems. I work TTO now so it won't be an issue for DD next year(s), but if I didn't again I wouldn't have an issue with it.

I agree with Voluptuagoodshag

Add message | Report | Message poster voluptuagoodshag Mon 30-Mar-15 07:55:48
So basically some parents want a law introduced because they feel uncomfortable about others parenting skills when it has nothing to do with them.

I don't think the problem is the existence of the law though!!
When you say "probably" the accidents involving fires/cookers are mainly adults, is that based on any actual data or just your opinion?

Em- you want them supervised when in bed. Some earlier posters have left young children in bed asleep when they've gone out because they're convinced they're safest (not wandering/tripping up/using the cooker etc etc. Do you have a problem with them then?
Do 12 year olds go to bed at the end of the working day by the way??

Have to add Vol- if the kids are so much safer using the cooker than adults maybe we ought to get them doing the cooking!!

Yes it my opinion, based on fecking common sense, what's yours based on? Please go do the research and come back and tell us how many A&E cooking accidents there were and the age of the injured.

And what do you mean that the problem isn't with the existence of a law?

Flower, please tell us, if you were Queen, what you would do to make this dreadful world full of negligent parents a better place?

Flower girl, you really don't understand statistics do you? That's a worry.

I never said that Kids should do the cooking instead of adults Flower. I was merely illustrating a point when you were emphasising how dangerous cooking was. You talk rings round yourself

interesting about the german suggestions, emkana, and the rationale they use as well
someone mentioned as well the age of legal responsibility. it saddens me that the uk is so weird about its children. mollycoddled on the one hand, criminalised from age 10 on the other

Flowergirl I think all your questions just demonstrate that there are so many things to consider that one blanket rule or law wouldn't work.

But I stand by my opinion that we should look to other countries and their practices - if it was that unsafe then why don't they have far worse accident statistics?

The McCann example is irrelevant here - the under 4yo children were left asleep and with a door unlocked. Totally different from leaving a child alone in your own house, with knowledge of what to do in an emergency, with the door shut. I think also that almost everyone agrees that no 4yo is capable of being left alone at home without an older sibling.

Just remembered a book I found when tidying the kids' rooms at the weekend - it was one that almost everyone I knew had in the late 90's, think it was sold in ELC. It's called, "We Can Say No" and it goes through lots of situations where the children in the book are approached by strangers and have to decide what to do (e.g. the man in the next door house asks them in for lemonade on a hot day, a lady in the park offers to drive them home when one falls over, someone on the beach says they'll take them to the ice cream van). The basic message is that while adults are to be respected, you never go with anyone even if you sort of know them unless mum/dad/carer has said it's OK, and that if someone ever grabs you you can kick and shout and scream. I've not seen anything similar for a while - I wonder if it is because children are kept in so much now, or that we don't want to scare our children?

Sorry Eve. Which statistics are you referring to that I apparently don't understand?
And re the German safety record I have not seen it so have no idea. Do you?

Housemum that's a good point. I think that if we assume our kids never need to be taught about danger or risk because we're always there with them thats doing them a disservice. Rather than a legal age for leaving a child I would rather a set of guidelines based on danger awareness and emergency planning. Even a course that kids could go on to work through some examples.

And what about teaching them about danger and risk AND being there Sewing? What would that do then?

Yes I do that now. What's your point?

Risk assessment for using roads. Risk of death. Measures taken- child supervised at all times

Until what age though flower? Forever, until 18? At some point you are going to have to make a judgement call and let go of the child's hand and let them out by themselves. You are writing as if the age you choose is the only right one and there is no room for different judgements, you're right anybody who differs is wrong.

I once saw Alison Lapper on TV (she has no arms) escorting her 2 yo across a busy main road just telling him to stick close, she was celebrated for her brilliant parenting for being able to do that.

As an aside a friend of mine is a university lecturer he has said that in his generation students went off to look at different universities by themselves, no it's more common for parents to go with students and he is starting to see more and more parents coming to check out the university WITHOUT their child. I really don't think all the overprotection is good for children, denied the freedom to be responsible. I don't think it's any coincidence that we have the most unhappy children in Europe.

BTW my 8 and 9 yo go to the corner shop together, I trust them to say please and thank you and cross the road.

For that reason I would like a Government education policy based on the assumption that kids walked to their local school from the beginning of KS2 unless there were compelling reasons for them not to do so. Local authorities would be obliged to provide safe routes to school to back this up, and avoid placing new schools in areas that were not sufficiently near to children's homes.

Here's some stats on home accidents from RoSPA

Every year over 62 children under 14 die as a result of an accident in the home
Around 25,000 under-fives attend A&E departments each year after being accidentally poisoned

Few more

Every year more than 4,200 children are involved in falls on the stairs and 4,000 children under the age of 15 are injured falling from windows
Boys have more accidents than girls

And even more

More accidents happen at home than anywhere else
Every year there are approximately 5000 deaths as the result of a home accident
More than two million children under the age of 15 experience accidents in and around the home every year, for which they are taken to accident and emergency units

There's a book called "Paranoid Parenting" by Frank Furedi that's relevant here and we'll worth a read. Inspired by this thread I'm going to dig out my copy and read it again.