Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

I guess everybody is different and circumstances/kids differ, but
I'm surprised by the ages some posters are leaving their 'older' children - nearly 7 and nearly 9. My twins will be 9 in a few weeks and I just wouldn't think of leaving them alone in the house.

flowergirlmum, everyone else on the thread is happy for you to do things your way with your kids, certainly noone is going to insist you leave your kids alone, but you seem to think your way is the best way/the only way.

But Odd you leave that child alone! A child with SN! I just can't work that out.
There seems to be a sense on here that some people want just the right level of independence- enough to be convenient but not so much as to risk doing dangerous things like cooking alone. I find the idea that this is possible quite strange.

Middle- couldn't agree more.

I wonder if there are geographical/economic factors in this.

Several posters have said they wouldn't leave their children as they live in rural areas.

I know kids play out far younger (like 4 and in reception) on the council/housing association estates. There some sense in that too, lots more adults around. I have no idea of more children are left inside though as you can't see. Whereas the posh housing estate is always quiet with no children out on the greens, free cars on drives and nobody out gardening or washing windows or anything.

People have different approaches but not all are equally good. Hence children's services!

I have known (in a professional capacity not personally) of kids at very young ages (5) being sent out at 10pm to get chips for their tea. That was their parents' choice. It doesn't make it right.
Interesting point re economic/location issues (though I suspect controversial!). The above described child lived on a pretty rough council estate where young kids being out late was fairly widespread. Where I live you'd absolutely never see young children out at that time alone.

You're using independence to mean naughty. My son wouldn't cook because it wouldn't occur to him but he also wouldn't do it if I told him not to.

How will you know the point at which you can magically trust your DD not to ignore your instructions not to use the cooker if you don't ever give her any responsibility? Do you imagine that suddenly at the age of 15 or whenever you deem suitable, she becomes instantly capable?

I've left him twice to go to the station which is 300m away. And I'll do it again. Because I know I can trust him to sit on the sofa and play on his console. I don't see that there's anything terribly shocking about that and you've not come up with a single decent argument as to why that's irresponsible other than you wouldn't trust your daughter to behave herself.

Like I said, if we were in a different country, you would be laughed out of town for wrapping your child up in cotton wool and not trusting her to have any common sense.

there must be geographic differences as most kids here play out from at least 8+ and often younger, and mostly walk to and from school alone from year 4. yet other posters on here say that noone they know does this. we live in an urban area/large town so it is really easy to visit friends but not scary 'urban'.

i would love to know why and when we as a nation became so risk averse

yes but we are not talking about neglect, it is as if you think everyone who doesnt do things your way is wrong flowergirlmum. that isnt actually true you know

Odd- at 15 I would know that she would be capable of doing absolutely everything on the NSPCC list I've already talked about and I would feel confident in her ability to cope with whatever happened. I know she'll be able to cook, for example, because we cook together.

I'm pretty sure I had keys and let myself in after school from about primary 6 onwards, so about 8 or 9. That was fairly standard amongst the other children I knew in the late 80s.
I've recently started leaving my older DS who is 7 while I pop to the shops round the corner maybe 10 or 20 minutes. He'll start walking to school himself after the summer holidays too although we live so close to the school that we can see it from the window so it's not a huge trek. I think the idea that no child should be left at home ever before secondary school seems a bit ott.
I think it's sad that kids have so little freedom and independence these days. Whoever said your job as a parent is to make yourself redundant is right I think, it's a gradual process of letting go, it's not easy but the sadness of them needing you less is balanced by the joy of watching them learn to look after themselves.

Odd again- must add, I think that independence is a good thing! My child does lots of things independently but she doesn't do them alone.

And San, do you think it is not neglectful then to leave a 4 year old alone as some have advocated on here?
The actual law states that it is illegal to leave a baby, toddler or young child alone. I would argue that a 4 year old is a young child.

I've also, professionally, been involved with a family where social services became involved because a 12 year old was caring for her 8 year old brother every night for a couple of hours. The parents were told that this was unacceptable and closely monitored.

was it because it was every night or there were other factors? if it would have been the same if it was a one off i find that pathetic.

It was every week day night until about 6. The judgement simply was that the age gap between the oldest and youngest wasn't sufficient to render one in charge of the other.

Some people might view that set up as ok. Children's services certainly did not.
Worth adding that you are fine legally to leave a child of any age above a "young child" unless/until there is a problem and which point you risk a charge of neglect. Strange law really isn't it.

Once children reach senior school age, for working parents there are not very many afterschool clubs that they can attend. Especially in the school holidays' - holiday clubs cater for children from infant school through to junior school but nothing for senior school ages. I have taken the decision to work from home now so my daughter does not have to come home to an empty house. If you allow a group of friends to play in a nearby park - where is the boundary. I have not done this but is the Government asking parents to supervise children until they reach 18 years of age? I thought in the past once they reached 14 years old they were allowed to babysit children. In the past when I was younger, my Mum used to hire a babysitter who was 14/15 yrs old to look after my sister and I when we were younger so that they could go out of a evening.

Social services 20 years ago used to refuse expenses for babysitting for foster careers attending training, if they had a child aged 12 or older. The argument was that the child should be babysitting.

Flowers - You are conflating two issues, neglect and gradual independence. I doubt anyone here would argue it was fine to send a 5yo to the shops to get chips at 10pm. That doesn't make you a bad parent for leaving an 8yr old for an hour while you do the food shop.

You are leaning heavily on your professional experience. However most parents never get near social services (who tend to have much stricter interpretations) so I'm not sure it's representative of general recieved parenting wisdom.

I think leaving an 8 year old for an hour would be poor parenting though. That's where we disagree.

So that means German parents are mostly guilty of poor parenting...

There is a huge difference between leaving a child at home doing something safe with clear rules of what to do for 10 minutes to nip to the shop/pickup a sibling and leaving a child completely alone and unsupported while parents fly off on holiday for several days! This whole subject needs common sense!

My son is 15 but has SN (LD) and we are just beginning to let him do things alone such as go to the local shop (no roads to cross) to buy trading cards or a treat, or stay at home glued to the TV whilst I nip to post a letter. He knows he is not allowed to touch the cooker or answer the door if anyone calls. We have to tell him what he is allowed to do rather than what he cannot do! He is well known in our village and we have very good longstanding neighbours who he would go to in a crisis (He knows which to go to- they all have my number). We have had a couple of foul ups such as the school transport dropping him at the wrong house at age 11 (this is a child with mod/sevLD- school transport usually drops at the door with adult to adult hand over) but he coped very well, and simply walked to where he should be, getting help from a familiar face to cross the road. Ok I will admit to having shadowed him or got the support of neighbours for some time to check he could manage!

So I've left the dds alone while I walked to the local tesco metro. About half an hour. Started at five and nine. I wouldn't have left them more than a short walk away. In Europe rules are much more relaxed than they are here- at 7 my friends kids were expected to walk to school from seven.

flower maybe cost effective was the wrong phrase, but I don't think secondary school children (unless they have additional needs or there are special circumstances) need to be in childcare. Why spend £10 a day on an after school club just for the child to sit in a room with a load of other kids and play on their phone? (In fact, I don't know of any after school clubs that cater beyond primary school children).

Wonders what the CPS conviction rate is ? What are their chances of convicting a parent if neglect?
Thus is beyond ridiculous.
Stupid NSPCC drumming up hysteria again.