heart - yes, I understand your point and it's something I struggle with as a feminist. If I thought there was even a tiny chance that either DH or his family shared those views I would run for the bloody hills! However, I am very close to my in laws and I dislike the idea of being unable to visit them. I see it as a means to an end really.
I feel for my DH too. He loves his country and is proud of his heritage but he also feels that his country has been "Islamised" by extremists, and is going back in time. He wants me to see some of the beauty he remembers from his childhood before it all disappears or is blown up. Most of what is usually referred to as the "liberal elite" (ie educated people who don't embrace medieval values) have fled and are living in Europe and the U.S. Which is great for those countries, but less so for those left behind without the means to leave.
Which comes back to the original point of the thread really - extremists have done this kind of thing for decades and have often succeeded. Which is not to downplay the seriousness of the Paris attack, btw. However international travel, diverse communities and (ironically) Western tolerance make future attacks virtually certain. Appeasing and making excuses (yes BBC, I am looking at you...
) might make us feel very tolerant, superior and worldly but is the worst possible response.