tiredof - Puff has a valid point about other people's 'normal'
Yes Red, I've acknowledged upthread that I accept that we all have different views of what is normal from reading what others think. I've also pointed out myself - as you do - that many people on here have read things in to her locking the door based on whether they would or not etc which is probably equally misguided.
I wasn't just making my point based on my own experience, but also the context - arrived early, she brought him a present, it was Valentine's Day and she had expressed excitement about this 'romantic' occasion and OP has described them as 'deeply in love' etc. Everyone is wondering how on earth this evening ended in her killing and looking for 'evidence' one way or the other.
I've listened to others' views and haven't trashed them or insulted other posters.
Maybe these things - our experience of how much sex we think is 'normal', whether we lock the door when we have a wee - are not things generally discussed. So it is easier than it is with other things to form your own views based on your own behaviour. And interesting and useful to read other perspectives.
I dispute that this whole case is just a 'private matter' (though it is a private tragedy) and think there is nothing odd about intense public interest or speculation. It's all over the press as well as on forums like these. Roger Federer for example was in SA at the time and is quoted as saying this is like no other case; this is the general view. Countless athletes, friends and journalists have expressed shock. It is mind-bending.
It is a public issue because OP was a global icon, a spokesperson for disabled people everywhere, an inspiration to people with disabilities and amputees many of them children, a supporter of charities. His public image (and his private persona according to the reports of many who had met him) was Mr Nice Guy. He was also an icon who crossed cultural boundaries in an incredibly divided society and loved as a national hero by white and black South Africans. It's very different from expected bad behaviour from, for example, footballers, which is almost expected. And shooting someone is far beyond bad behaviour.
Add into that the beauty and as reported by those close to her, sweetness, of Reeva Steenkamp, the reports of the happiness of their relationship and the general bafflement - and the fascination of both media and individuals - increases even more.
It has also become a catalyst for discussion of wider issues: out-of-control crime in SA that creates huge levels of fear and paranoia; the failures of the post-apartheid era; gun culture; domestic violence and violence of SA men against women; the integrity and competence of the SA police and judiciary; the appalling state of SA prisons; the nature of media icons; the unique (and often misplaced) adulation that seems to be reserved for athletes; the way many feel they 'know' public figures and how false this is.
Fascination with fallen heroes is as old as the hills; look at the number of Shakespeare plays that have this as their theme and Greek tragedies thousands of years old. Murder is also something that fascinates people, because it is 'the ultimate crime' and the act of taking another life and having to live with it is horrifying. A glance at the 'True Crime' section in any bookshop demonstrates that.
This has also happened so soon after the magic of the London Paralympics where he played the starring role. I was present in the stadium to see him win a gold medal along with thousands of others; millions more watched this on television.
So it has all the ingredients for being one of the biggest media stories in history - which is what it has become. OP was a unique figure, now suspected of a terrible crime. It seems to beggar belief.
I have never in my life been so horrified and fascinated by a media story or a human tragedy or wanted so much to understand the truth behind it. And it feels as if a lot of society feels the same way. Media interest has hardly abated in the last fortnight. Miles of column inches, agonised commentary, soul searching and speculation have been devoted to it.
I have been taken aback by how much of my headspace all this is taking up. I am sure this obsession will subside but suspect that the trial will not necessarily reveal the answers and the outcome will be controversial and the facts always in doubt.
I'm willing to accept that I am obsessed and that it is abnormal to ponder something in such depth! It is not normal for me and from what others have said many feel similarly.
I apologise for the longness of my posts. I type very, very fast. But if it bores of irritates anyone they don't have to read it, or attack me personally.
Also I don't get why someone would go on a discussion board to say it's unreasonable to discuss all of this. Isn't that the point?