Armchair no I wasn't on the other thread, I've come quite late to all this on MN. Was too busy reading all the press coverage, UK and US newspapers, TV channels, SA ones. And here I am after midnight, still pondering, agonising. I too find myself wishing he and Reeva Steenkamp had not met, for both their sakes. It was such a short relationship, how could it all go so wrong?
Mysterious you are right and I don't find what you say patronising. We do feel some connection with these people and it's chimerical.
Nice wasn't the right word perhaps. Yes he may never have been 'nice'. He comes across as nice - mild and pleasant - but this can't be completely real; 'nice' implies insipidity and no-one who has faced his early disadvantages to become what he was could be insipid or mild. I don't accept that his response to being beaten in the 200 metres indicated a 'darker side' as so many suggest though. At the time many thought it was justified, though ungracious. Look at the footage and the disparity between Oliveira's relative heights on blades and on the podium in normal prostheses. Understandable to say what he did, filled with adrenaline and disappointment. He must have been driven and passionate - could that translate to murder? He seems like the kind of guy you'd want to take home to meet your mum. It's so hard to reconcile that with a person who, as you point out, shot someone through a bathroom door. Hence my obsession I suppose. That and the fact that I admired him so much.
When I heard that a woman's body had been found at his home I could hardly believe my ears. Since then the press has been looking for evidence of moral weakness, and there is little that indicates anything other than a fairly normal young man - a love of speed and a penchant for glamorous blondes, hardly unusual. Ditto trips to the shooting range; at odds with his public image but not terribly odd in South Africa, nor keeping a gun at home. My friend who lived in Pretoria was taught how to use a handgun at her father-in-law's insistence, in case she'd ever need to.
But while he may not have ever been 'nice' he may have been good. He may have been corrupted by fame and adulation, or unable to cope emotionally with the huge burdens on his shoulders: global icon, almost single-handed changer of views of disability, focus of such admiration. He seemed able to carry this burden lightly and with grace, but privately it may not have been so easy. But he did lots of charity work, apparently quietly. So many people, many of them 'ordinary' people have testified to this, and their bafflement at this killing.
I'm not making excuses for him, what he has done is terrible, whatever the circumstances. But I can't help feeling sorry for him too; he is a man without full legs. His trainer described him as 'just a boy' and it was easy to forget he is so young, until he stood there in court like a lost soul, isolated, his face twisted with anguish. I think his remorse is genuine. While he must regret too throwing away his wonderful life and at a stroke apparently negating his achievements (because he will never lose the taint of this, even if he is acquitted; it is life-defining) I think he is appalled that he has taken someone's life, especially someone close to him.
I read an article that said his stumps bleed when he runs and trains :( The guy he's alleged to have threatened said he responded by saying 'Oscar, I can't hit a man with no legs'. South Africa has a very macho culture; did he feel the need to overcompensate, did this underlie his interest in guns?
I find it all so heartbreaking. The footage of Reeva Steenkamp happy in Jamaica; her broken parents. The fact that everyone describes her as an 'angel'; why did he shoot someone like that of all people? It's beyond terrible.
But how did he con everyone for so long, if it was murder? Is he a psychopath?
Living in a safe country, it's hard to imagine the undercurrent of fear that must always be present living in South Africa. My parents' best friends lived in Cape Town for many years; they had more than a few friends murdered - something apparently routine in robberies and burglaries. My parents visited a few years ago; they are seasoned and adventurous travellers but managed to get mugged at knifepoint during their three week stay. And how much more vulnerable he would feel, lying in bed or up in the night without his legs.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post. Just can't work it out, and am really trying not to excuse or condemn too quickly, based on existing views - either the natural tendency to hate a man who hurts a woman, or to sympathise with someone I admired and 'liked' (however unreal that feeling may have been).
Whatever, if he did kill her intentionally, I think it was in the heat of anger rather than cold and calculated.