Grayling defending smacking

[seventiesgirl]

Never did him any harm apparently. The tory party are such a bunch of tossers. Whatever next?

Amazing,

Totally agree. Our cat is the best disciplinarian in our family. She scratched and nipped our two when they hurt her. Now they don't hurt her. They still absolutely adore her and go up for a kiss and cuddle (not sure of the hygiene issue, but that is another matter). The idea that a child cannot distinguish between the predictable consequences of their own behaviour and arbitrary meanness is plain wrong.

I was smacked as a child and I remember being very young (maybe 3 or 4) and thinking to myself that whenever I ignored warnings I would get a smack, end up crying and not win the battle. I was hardly ever smacked after that, I stopped at the second warning. Maybe once a year or so, my brother and I decided to be really naughty and then, although we dreaded the inevitable smack, it was almost therapeutic, in that we were then absolved of our guilt. The worst punishment for us was when the dread words of "this is beyond smacking" were uttered. That meant sad looks and being in the doghouse for a considerable period. I remember being far more scared of that because I knew I had really gone far too far.

To the poster who wanted the name of the book way back it's How to Talk so Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I just found it.

thanks polka

larrygrylls precisely.

There is a crib sheet somewhere on here with it summarised.There was a whole How to Talk thread a while back.It really is good,a tad dry but the crib sheet kind of bypasses the dryness iykwim.I'll keep looking for it.

Thread title was

It's back!The how to talk crib sheet.

I'm rubbish at linking!

gly I believe children know the difference between hitting and smacking (and by smacking I mean a predictable disciplinary action, warning or protective measure) and it is not difficult to explain it to them

No children are beautifully and simplistically logical. I don't think theyd see a difference because there isn't one.

A lot of judgeypants on this thread. Just saying

amazingmum, not sure why thats for me, i agree with you :)

I've just asked my 8 year old what he thinks about these 2 different scenarios.

A. 3 year old Child B is about to push a glass off the table. parent says don't do it, it will break. child grins and shoves the glass, broken pieces everywhere. parent smacks child B

B. Child X asks Child Z to give him the book he/she's reading. child Z says no, I'm reading it. Child X smacks child Z.

that's all I said and asked if they were the same kind of things or not and what he thought

he said: not the same because the child B did it on purpose and disobeyed.
child X is just mean

then I asked my 6 year old he said: Child X shouldn't smack because children are not the boss of other children

11 year old's answer: they are kind of similar, because it's not nice to be smacked, but Child B didn't listen to parent.

I haven't read the Grayling thing, we aren't tories. My attitude to smacking is to just emulate my lovely mum. I knew I'd gone too far if I got a smack. Dp's mum was the same apparently. Only ever a smack with a hand, no implements. No real force behind it, it wasn't intended to leave marks, it just stung. It was consistent, and the mere threat of a smack was usually enough to stop bad behaviour. I always got 100 times more hugs and kisses than I got smacks, she was really kind.

I can remember being about six and trying to yank our old cat out of an apple tree by swinging on its tail after being warned several times not to try and get her down, the poor cat screeched its head off, and I got smacked legs. Message received, didn't do that again!

titty, sorry! I've just realized I addressed the wrong name, I meant Iggly

thanks for being nice about my mistake and I'm glad you agree!

I'm going to add to the voices of people on here who were smacked as children and believed it did them harm.

I was either bloody-minded or very curious, but really didn't respond positively to physical violence even at a relatively young age. So what do the smackers do when the bad behaviour continues as mine did? Lock the errant child in their room (as my parents did)? Issue greater and harsher threats of violence? Escalate a slap into a harder slap? If that is ineffective, get out a belt?

The fact that my parents smacked me gave me a very clear message that they wielded power over me because they could... they were bigger and stronger than me and were going to use that to their own advantage.

Decades later, I have zero respect for them. Zero.

My posts make me seem like a smacker but I'm not really, well not in theory anyway. If there is an alternative way of dealing with behaviour then I use it, whether that be time out, removal of a toy or ignoring/distraction. BUT if DD3 is putting herself/others in danger and I can't remove that danger (or remove her) then I reserve the right to smack her. I don't know why it works, probably because it's something that I rarely do. I'm very proactive in dealing with behaviour, I still have a wrist strap for her though I usually just have to get it out for her to stop running off and I recently had to put the child lock back on in the car because she was threatening to open the door whilst I was driving.

twofingerstoGideon What do you think your parents should have done? Genuinely interested

amazing - which post was to me and not titty?

Anyway, the smackers won't convince me that their way is right and I'm not going to convince you either. So leaving this thread now!

"Anyone who says their relationship with their parents was irrevocably harmed because of slapping - note, slapping, NOT beating, just the odd smack in relation to their behaviour - really needs to grow the fuck up."

Thanks for that thunksheadontable - that's me you've described so I must need to "grow the fuck up" as you so charmingly opine.

Clearly you're another one of those "calm, controlled" people who hit "not in anger" but in love.

What a load of self serving crap!

The very act of hitting another means you have lost control. At least admit that smackers. Do what you want but be honest with yourselves at least.

thunksheadontable "just the odd smack" are you really not aware of just how awful that sounds ? It sounds like you are attempting to normalise something in order to let your Mother of the hook and feel better about it.

JUST THE ODD SMACK.......that is so fucking awful, and should not be a part of a child's world. I cannot imagine any circumstances when the odd smack is ok when referring to a child.....I just can't.

amazingmumof6 How....the....actual.....FUCK is assaulting a child a "protective measure"............."Whoah!!!!! you were just about to run in front of a car then, so I thought I'd twat you one quick !!!!! Lucky you got me here aye"

When a child will not stop playing with something like sockets, has been told a million times why, can you explain why a little sharp tap on the hand does not serve the purpose?

Assaulting a child out of temper is wrong.

Assaulting a child calmly and measuredly is sick and twisted.

Melika because there are other methods....have you never heard of socket protecters ?

Assaulting a child out of temper is wrong.

Assaulting a child calmly and measuredly is sick and twisted.

Raisin I have witnessed several mums not smacking in anger as I have witnessed several mums shouting,issuing threat after threat in molten out of control anger.One of my friends who is the most calm,lovely mum who I look up to has tapped.To be honest I think she is way better than me at the parenting game and I don't smack.

I think the derogatory term " the smackers is unpleasant" and think this whole discussion would be better served discussing alternative forms of punishment.

or toys