Grayling defending smacking

[seventiesgirl]

Never did him any harm apparently. The tory party are such a bunch of tossers. Whatever next?

[GrowSomeCress]

somuchslimmernow err there are lots of things people do to children that they wouldn't do to adults! Would you sit an adult in the naughty corner, or send them to their room, or make them brush their teeth?

[Branleuse]

omg i occasionally smack my kids but i never considered it making them into a Tory. time to change

[Startail]

I don't think I ever smacked DD for climbing unless it was the 333 rd time I'd removed her from trying to mess with things on the book case.

if you don't occasionally smack, what do you do the 334 th time DC messes with the same thing.

Given a toddler who can't safely be put anywhere without finding something to climb or fiddle with.

I ran out of high and out of sight places to hide things, sometimes I need a no that she understood was final. That trying to pull out books, mess with cables or stand on the back of the sofa was not going to be tolerated today, tomorrow or ever.

DD2 simply needed to that down right disobedience wasn't going to be tolerated, but she was older and generally could be sent to her room to calm down. She was a much easier toddler she played with toys and didn't try to find ways to cause chaos the second your back was turned.

[sunshine401]

That is all.

[AlienReflux]

You do it the 335th time star you can't be arsed, lets be honest.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Am rather shocked at how many people defending smacking on here.

There are lots of better ways of raising your children, mainly talking with them, and yes, having some boundaries, consequences, and punishments such as missing out on things.

I admit I did smack DD a handful of times, but DS I managed not to (my second child ?) It was always when I was at the end of my tether, and always both wrong and not helpful.

People who say it never did them any harm I'm not sure how you can really know that ? Maybe it did. Maybe it did me some harm, such as making it more likely I'd smack my own DC's. But still, I do take responsibility for it, which is why I stopped doing it (plus they grew up which helped !) Anyway as I said only a few times and always regretted.

[Meglet]

I don't do it the 335th time if I'm late for work. Sometimes children are hell bent on not doing as they are told whatever you say or do.

I never smacked until mine were 4, I spent years hating smacking and never needing to do it. But once they started raising hell and stopping me getting things done no matter what parenting techniques I threw at them then I did start to use the odd smack.

[Abitwobblynow]

If I said I had never smacked my children, I would be a cross-eyed liar.

But it really upset them, and they still talk about it today (they are teenagers). It was very seldom, but to hear them you would think I beat them like carpets

[Want2bSupermum]

Every child is different and some might respond well to a smack while others wouldn't. My daughter doesn't need a smack because she is 18 months old and when she acts up there is a reason behind it. Normally she is tired, needs 1-1 time or a change in activity.

She has her tantrums, grabs my glasses, pulls my hair and hits me. I don't smack her because she has a senstive personality and I think it would destroy her. All she wants to do is please her mama and dada so we play that angle. I am 38 wks along with her little brother. Who knows how he is going to turn out. Smacking might work for him.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Hey Want2b - he's not even here yet - give him a chance !
And good luck with the birth, and with having two

[feralgirl]

If you do occasionally smack, what do you do when the DC does the naughty thing for the 334th time, even after you've smacked them iyswim? Where do you go if smacking doesn't work? A harder smack? A smack with an implement (as a child, it was "the wooden spoon")?

And what about the other authority figures in a child's life who can't smack but still have to administer discipline? I have taught children whose parents used smacking as a punishment and it makes life very difficult (and that is very definitely not an argument for a return of corporal punishment in schools; I would quit).

My god I have been tempted to smack DS many many times but only ever when I'm really angry and that means that I would not be doing it as an effective punishment. I am glad to say that I have always managed to find better ways of teaching him right from wrong.

[EauRouge]

My dad is always defending smacking and saying it never did me any harm.

Maybe one day I'll tell him that I've seen several counsellors that all disagree with him :(

[AlienReflux]

what do you do if they smack you back? hit them harder? cos you can?yes,your'e right, anyone that says they've never smacked IS a liar, I did it,ONCE, never again, the look of fear on my kids face made sure i never repeated it.

It's lazy and bullying parenting IMHO

[inthewildernessbuild]

I've smacked my dd when she was four and I was at the end of my tether with her [atrocious] behaviour - things like screaming tantrums just before bed, ruining family outings. It has been totally unproductive, and guess what happened when she was older and at the end of her tether...yes, you are right, she would hit me. We've worked really hard at curing her bad behaviour in other ways, and they have worked much much better. I've hardly done it all for the last 6 years with any of my three children, once or twice with my twelve year old son when he repeatedly was mean to his younger brother. It was, I repeat, TOTALLY UNPRODUCTIVE, and anyone who wants to smack should just try kicking the wall instead if they want to release tension. And working out what is causing the bad behaviour in children.

[RiaOverTheRainbow]

I was smacked as a child, and while it didn't do me any harm it didn't improve my behaviour in at all, and I never understood how I was supposed to stop my younger siblings misbehaving when I wasn't allowed to smack them. It certainly wasn't an effective punishment for me.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

I started off being of the "nothing wrong as long as you don't batter them" but when I actually tried it (because older women urged me to, wanting their own smacking to be validated in the same way that alcoholics want you to validate their drinking by drinking as quickly as they do) I felt very uneasy with it and knew it wasn't for me.

Over the years I've realised that it's an issue of children respecting their own boundaries and expecting their physical boundaries to be respected. I can't teach them to respect their own and other people's physical boundaries and expect other people to respect them, if I'm confusing them with a message that says actually, not respecting their physical boundaries is OK if someone's really annoyed with them.

Messages need to be simple for younger children and once they get old enough to complicate them, hitting them would be unthinkable anyway.

[inthewildernessbuild]

When you see someone else threatening to smack a toddler or indeed any child, you realise just how counterproductive and unpleasant it is. See the reaction of any child being smacked and it is rage and humiliation. Not learning.

[AlienReflux]

Eaurouge :(

[lavenderbongo]

I had hoped that we as a species had evolved sufficiently to appreciate that hitting someone a third of the size of you as a punishment or in order to deter certain behaviours is an unnecessary and cruel method of control.

smacking is more often than not someting done in anger and as people reach the end of their tether. That is never a good way of disciplining a child. If you are smacking when you are not in this position the I think you need to take a good look at your morality and strongly examine why you are using violence to control your children.

[marriedinwhite]

Well I've smacked mine occasionally and they have deserved it. Never pre-meditated, never to teach a lesson but the day that dd hit ds over the head with a soft toy she had filled with stones, yes she got a smack on the arm in the heat of the moment and she very much deserved it. DS was far more challenging and the third time he opened and left open the freezer door at three having been told quietly and gently twice not to do it and having the reasons explained - he got a smack (on the back of the hand) and I'm sure it hurt me more than it hurt him. It never happened again.

The young Grayling btw was the first tiny baby I ever held. It was at a drinks party in West London. He was a very nice baby with very nice parents - and had a similar quantity of hair to dad - even then. His dad was being most adoring and looked very sweet with a muslin over his shoulder.

So there - bunch of vipers!!!!

[YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue]

EauRouge - I echo what you're saying. Someone posted on another thread about this: those people who say it never did them any harm, it did - it turned them into the sort of person who thinks it's ok to hit children.

I never hit my kids. Or smack them. Or tap them. Never ever. Because it is horrible and it doesn't work.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Yeah, that's the problem about being harmed as a child isn't it.

You don't know you have been.

[CatherinaJTV]

I can understand a reflex reaction when you are at the end of your tether or your child has done something really stupid or dangerous (fully knowing that it is not going to teach the child anything but that the parents are at the end of their tether), but to advocate hitting a child as legitimate means to teach them something is absolutely pathetic.

[SwedishEdith]

I could have written every word of Juggling's post. And I agree abitwobblynow - the eldest remembers it (and so do I from childhood although I'm sure my parents' smacking was well withing the "normal" range from that era) How does anyone know "it does know harm"?

[lljkk]

DD was being supremely foul one day when she was about 9 and I slapped her once. She howled in hurt and outrage. For ages she kept carrying on about how I had never done that before.

Except that I had done it before, maybe 2 or 3 occasions when she was age 4-6. She had completely forgotten. So much for traumatised for life by a single incident.