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MNHQ

More women staying at home because they want to spend time with the kids - is this the reason?

231 replies

JustineMumsnet · 10/04/2006 18:35

Hi all,
Am wrting in the Standard tomorrow about latest research suggesting stay at home mums are increasingly not returning to work because they want to spend more time with their children. Now Patricia Hewitt has said that Mothers who stayed at home had been under-valued for too long by the Goverment. What do you think - in an ideal world would you stay at home full time? Do you feel strongly about raising your kids yourself? If money were no object would you jack in the job and what, if anything, would make returning to work more attractive?
Have to say now I've chalked up four the thought of being a full-time mum is pretty terrifying (call in the professionals I say Grin)

OP posts:
shellybelly · 10/04/2006 19:22

I'm a SAHM and have no intention of returning to work anytime soon. I want to be there for my child especially in the early years I think its crap that women have to return to work after only six months, in my opinion there is only one person qualified to look after a child and thats their mother, its just unfortunate that women have to return to work out of necessity, not loaded with cash and things may be tight money wise from time to time but at least i can look back and cherish the memories i will have from looking after my child or children Grinand i'm hoping that goes for her too Grin

I do think that people think SAHM have it easy and thats so not true

Caligula · 10/04/2006 19:22

Even when the kids are in school though, school ends at 3PM and most jobs don't. And what d'you do in school holidays? And what d'you do when you're ill for 2 days, then child 1 is ill for 2 days, then child 2 is ill for 2 days, so you have to have a whole week off work? And then child 1 gets ill again for a day 2 weeks later? And then child 2 has another day a week later than that?

Etc. etc. This is what I've dealt with recently and as I work at home it's not a big deal, I can work around it. But it put me off applying for other jobs.

unicorn · 10/04/2006 19:23

MotherInferior have you written a book yet?
It's time you did.

Carry on everybody.

muma3 · 10/04/2006 19:23

i stay at home full-time. i have 3 kids and i feel like its my responsibility to look after them my self.

i was on a recent thread stating that mothers who stay at home shouldnt have help. i am finding it harder and harder but i still believe firmly that i should be the one to look after them . it is hard and tiring but i love it !!!!!
i get to see every change and new obstacle they over come. Grin

but IMO each to their own Grin

expatinscotland · 10/04/2006 19:24

My goal in life is to set up a legal practice w/employees consisting entirely of part-time employees - preferably parents or retirees.

TheBlonde · 10/04/2006 19:35

I am a full time SAHM
I do feel strongly that the best thing for my family is for me to stay at home with my child in his early years

Returning to work would be more attractive if the part time hours were more realistic
I see lots of jobs advertised for 30 hours a week as part time

popsycalindisguise · 10/04/2006 19:39

If money woere no object, I would stay at home full time but also probably do some work at home on an evening in terms of self employed work. I have drastically reduced my hours in the last six months in spite of pushing it money wise to be with the kids but also to save my sanity!

madmarchhare · 10/04/2006 19:44

I could never be a sahm with kids at school. If money were no object I would do voluntary work instead though.

purpleturtle · 10/04/2006 19:45

Like TheBlonde I am a SAHM because I think it's best for my children. And to be honest, even when no3 starts school, I'm not sure I'll be looking for paid employment. I'd like to do some voluntary stuff, I think, and still be around for my children whenever they're out of school.

I do feel that the government's schemes for wraparound care, and ever earlier nursery education, make SAHMs feel undervalued.

WharfRat · 10/04/2006 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sanchpanch · 10/04/2006 19:57

i mainly enjoy going to work, and only work in the mornings so i guess i get the best of both worlds,
the only thing i would do if money was no object would be midwifery training, which i have wanted to do since i was 12, but with the shift work i would need a full time nanny, which is where the money no object bit comes in,
And with that said the government need to make it easier for people likt me to do my training.......

kitegirl · 10/04/2006 20:01

I am a SAHM and not purely out of choice. I went back to work after ds was born and lasted 4 months. I did the sums and realised that, net after paying for childcare & tube pass, the little that was left did not compensate for the stress, the worry, and, yes, the overwhelming longing to be with my son. The childcare situation (more specifically, the cost of it) in particular in London is appalling. I would love to work but not if I end up out of pocket.

drosophila · 10/04/2006 20:02

I really don't understand what you mean by undervalued. WHo undervalues you? COming to the end of my SAHM phase Sad I never felt valued or undervalued. Just plodded along untill the bank came calling. Never felt valued or otherwise working FT either.

The only credit I would like to get is from my kids or DP. WHen DS tells me I'm a great cook in that earnest way my heart bursts. This is after making him big Choc cake mind you.

podkin · 10/04/2006 20:03

I have just given up my job after 2 consecutive periods of mat leave. Childcare costs and travel costs would outstrip what I earn (and I am pretty well paid). I want to spend the first few years bringing up my children and once they start school, hope to be able to work part time. I know that I will have to take a massive salary cut to do this and probably have to 'work my way up' again but would sooner do this than have added pressure of working and have all of my salary go on costs.

jac34 · 10/04/2006 20:07

I work 3 days and DH works 4,now that our boys are in school we can manage to cover our childcare needs between us(we used to use a nursery 2 days a week before they were in school).
I'd have hated them to have to spent 5 days a week there.I feel we've done the best we could afford to do,but in an ideal world I'd have loved to stay home with them.I'd jack the job in tomorrow if we had the money!!!
I think DH would have loved to have been a SAHD and it has effected his career prospects going p/t but he doesn't give a toss, he's seen his boys growing up, thats worth more than money or promotion.

soapbox · 10/04/2006 20:09

I am very fortunate not to have to work, but still choose to do so!

I gave up my job when the children were small to SAH and it was the worst decision of my life - I really hated it. I think I put myself under too much pressure to be a perfect parent and just couldn't measure up to my own expectations.

I escaped back to work and my children escaped to a wonderful nanny - I think it made for a happier household all round:)

quelsouci · 10/04/2006 20:11

I must admit that I'm a SAHM (apart from some private english teaching) & I'd go completely ga-ga if I had to spend 24/7 with my 2 dc. To be perfectly honest, I love the freedom of not having to go into a bloody office every day. I like to spend entire days with either one dc or the other but not both together. Argh! Quarreling, hitting, teasing, screaming, demanding, annoying, jealous, etc. Who needs it!

I'm glad to have time to myself, glad to be with the dc (dd at school mon-fri & ds at home 3 days/wk). We are always short of money but time to be with the dc is priceless. I'm never bored, btw. There's always so much to do!

waggledancer · 10/04/2006 20:12

I have just returned to work,last week, after 12 months at home. Part time for me is 30hrs/week and is too much, but any less would mean moving to a different job for the same employer.
I have found it harder to go back to work this time than on the 2 previous occasions when I returned after 5 months.
Ideally I would love to work flexibly and term time but my job doesn't support this, am in the caring profession so need to be available to care 9-5 7 days a week Sad

jenkel · 10/04/2006 20:16

I'm a SAHM, I was adament that I wanted to look after my kids myself, so put off parenthood until we could cope better with just one wage, I'm quite an old Mum. In 3 years time my youngest will start school and I could and would like to go back to work but what on earth would I do. I need a term time, school hours flexible job - think I will be very lucky to fine one.

Prufrock · 10/04/2006 20:16

Kind of - I stay at home because I wanted to spend more time with my childen than I would have been able to if I was to have continued in my full time, 70 hour a week career. I think that as women manage to climb higher up teh career ladder pre having children, whenthey have kids they are forced to make a choice between a career and motherhood - it is often impossible to give both the emphasis that we would want to. And IMe, if you don't give your career the emphasis you did before having kids you find yourlsef sidelined in favour of others who are prepared to buy into the whole 120% of your life belongs to the company ethos.

lucykate · 10/04/2006 20:18

i went back to work full time when dd was 5.5mths old, it was really hard to leave her and i missed her alot. the crunch happened when she started calling me by our childminders name Sad. couldn't live with that, so i asked at work if i could work a 4 day week, which they let me do Smile. when ds came along, it was obvious that it was, never mind emotionally, going to be logistically difficult to go back to work this time (due to childcare drop offs, commute distance, started work at 8am, etc).

i'm lucky that my 'ideal world' is actually about to happen. for 13 years, i supported dh as he was self employed (painting portraits). now, he has a lecturing post which allows him to continue painting. the salary more than makes up for the loss of mine, we are relocating and will be closer to london (most of his commissions are in the south) which will cut down on travelling time for him, and once we get settled, i will continue the job i've just left (handed in my notice on friday), by freelancing from home. we will both have more time with our children and as a family, a better quality of life.

monkeytrousers · 10/04/2006 20:23

Probably don't need any more comments so I'll just say 'good luck'! Smile

leogaela · 10/04/2006 20:23

I work part-time (60%), DS is in nursery which he absolutely loves. I think we are all better off with me working, I have more patience and energy and am give dS more attention than I would if I was a SAHM. I also worry about what i will do when he (and any future children) go to school, I don't think its that easy to get back into work once you have been off for a few years.

60% is a really good balance, it should be more acceptable for people to work PT.

mogwai · 10/04/2006 20:44

I work three days a week. That's when I can be "me" again.

I love being a mum, but I like being "me" too

kipper22 · 10/04/2006 21:00

as a teacher i saw no question as to whether i would sah with my ds or go out to look after 30 of somebody elses. loved my job but ultimately just so that i could spend time with kids! i am enjoying being a sahm and money situation is still okay after 8 months (fingers crossed it'll stay that way!)
completely agree with mesenfantsmaman. think the government are doing far too much to help women to continue their careers - if i was career-minded (as a majority of my colleagues are!) i would fee lazy to take time out to spend with lo's.