Let's talk about NATO. You know you want to really.
Alex Salmond and the SNP are saying that an independent Scotland would be a member of NATO. Yes that NATO - the one that got involved in an 'illegal', his words, war in Kosovo.
But still. We're independent and we're members of NATO. Somewhere in the world there's a country that hates America. Hard to believe, but bear with me. This country having gradually grown in power and influence over the last 10 years or so, decides the time is ripe to attack the good ol' U S of A. It looks around for a handy little launch pad just across the Atlantic for somewhere to base its nuclear weapons.
Scotland is sitting, like the duck, waiting for these weapons. (Sorry - I've slipped into Poirot mode. For reasons that are not at all clear). The big country invades us! Mais c'est affreux, mes amis! Qu'est-ce qu'on peut faire? We give the Uncle Sam a call on the telephone. 'Please 'elp us!'
The skies fill with American bombers. They bomb the nuclear bases of the vile enemy. Unfortunately, they bomb also the cow in the field, the pig, and yes, mes amis, the people in the city. We are all bombed to smithereens.
Helas! (without the accent) It is the sad story, no? But the Americans have been known to fight their battles in other countries. In fact one could say they are almost making a habit of it.
Far-fetched? Scaremongering? Of course I am. Mind how you go now. And don't have nightmares.