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Intensive mothers

999 replies

Xenia · 07/07/2012 20:17

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

OP posts:
Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 22:09

Why? Why just then did you then try and push that therefore blah blah blah work is optimum. It is not. I am a free person who has the ability (thankfully) to choose. Why is that so hard to comprehend that I don't want to make the choices you have any more than you would want mine? IMO I think I am contributing but I don't need your approval or opinion on that.

blueshoes · 14/07/2012 22:11

I hardly want your approval or even your agreement, mama. Don't flatter yourself. We are just expressing opinions. Your reaction was rather childish.

Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 22:19

No, not childish, fed up with that fact that you cannot seem to accept that for some SAH is as fulfilling as WOH is for others. It's the respect for others choice.

Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 22:20

And where have I hinted you wanted my approval, or was that a subconscious slip on your part?

blueshoes · 14/07/2012 22:34

Mama, more SAHM psychology 101?

Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 22:45

blueshoes do you have to trot out the same lines all the time? Why are you arguing? Why can you not just accept that people are different? I have no wish to look at your psychological make up anymore than I'd want topull my teeth out. However if I did want to consider your responses in terms of your psychological wellbeing, I'd bet I more qualified to do so that you. The fact I don't currently work in psychiatry as at home with baby dd and ds2, does not detract from my knowledge and ability.

I'm tired, tomorrow I will be woken very early by eager faces and birthday cards so I bid you goodnight

blueshoes · 14/07/2012 22:53

Mama, if you are a psychiatry professional as you seem to suggest you are, then you of all people should know better than to analyse someone from their limited responses on the internet.

Since when is expressing a different, if consistent, view 'arguing'. I won't be silenced any more than you. It would help in discussions if you developed a thicker hide.

Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 23:04

blueshoes I haven't analysed you and have no interest in doing so. I can see its pointless to ask for you to stop imposing your view on others and accept that we all have our own choices and paths to take. Carry on, it makes no difference to my life and that of my family. You aren't selling your POV particularly well, but whatever floats your boat.

blueshoes · 14/07/2012 23:05

Nighty night, mama

Mamamaiasaura · 14/07/2012 23:07

Goodnight blueshoes

mathanxiety · 14/07/2012 23:44

'I am addressing the popular presumption that work is something you grit your teeth and do and that people would automatically give it up if they had a chance.'

What you are doing is setting up a straw man therefore.

lovechoc · 15/07/2012 09:45

IMO Xenia must be the longest standing troll on an Internet forum. We've all fallen for it and bickering away still, 33 pages now...impressive.

amillionyears · 15/07/2012 09:51

lovechoc,over the months I have been on MN I have got confused over the meaning of troll.But if troll means a poster is not real,I can try and assure you that she is very much real.A few people have met her in RL,and some others have worked out who she is.She has posted so much over the last 11 years about herself and her family,that several people have worked it out.

Aboutlastnight · 15/07/2012 10:07

She's real. But has some sort of mumsnet obsession.

Pendulum · 15/07/2012 10:24

I don't see it as a straw man, maths. There is definitely an opinion being expressed on this thread about the relative attractiveness of the two paths.

Many posters have expressed views along the lines, "Why would I work when I can stay at home with my young children", and comparing the freedom to engage in country walks etc with the mundanity of office life. In addition many posters assume that the only appeal of a professional career or one involving this elusive "boardroom" is financial. References to the intellectual and social benefits are either discounted or viewed as evidence of WOHMs' 'sneering' at SAHMs.

This view reduces the options of women to a binary choice - either you value your children or you value your bank balance. There are, it appears, no other valid considerations.

Mamamaiasaura · 15/07/2012 10:27

But pendulum that isn't wholly accurate. I have repeatedly put forward that the freedom of choice is what is the important aspect here. Why does it have to be one or other? Cant it be that it is different needs and wants for different people?

Pendulum · 15/07/2012 10:36

An example of my post just now- this is from a letter to a national newspaper, yesterday. Reader had written in to ask about relative merits of different forms of childcare. Note the level of snark in this response:

"When our children arrived, my wife and I went without lots of so-called luxuries and she embarked on a new career as a "mother". Yes, hard to believe, but true. No kids fobbed off, always a welcome at the end of the school day. Unlike associates and friends who took the nanny route, we have well-adjusted children, no drugs or alcohol problems."

Ticks all the boxes:

  • working women work for "luxuries"
  • "fobbing off"
  • long-term damage to kids, sacrificed for the sake of "luxuries".
Mamamaiasaura · 15/07/2012 10:39

That's not "here" pendulum, you said "many posters here"

Pendulum · 15/07/2012 10:48

mama I think the biggest divide here is between posters who view choices as a matter for them as individuals and a family unit, and those who view them as a wider moral and/ or political issue, either from the perspective that society should encourage women to SAH or from the perspective that women should take an equal role in the workplace.

This divide between belief in individual freedom and collective action is not specific to the issue of women working or not, it is at the heart of most intractable debates.

Pendulum · 15/07/2012 10:51

I know it's not 'here'. I didn't want to single out individual posters as examples. I'm just using it as an illustration in the same way as I cited the Woman's Hour item earlier. There is a whole RL out there that is also relevant Smile.

What's your reaction to that letter mama?

Mamamaiasaura · 15/07/2012 11:09

I think the term fobbing off is un-needed and many parents don't have a choice. Also the last bit about well adjusted, drug and alcohol free children irrelevant to wether SAH or WOH. There are many factors as to a child's wellbeing. Pendulum your post suggested that posters on here who SAH were being sneery to WOH, that is simply not true and unfair to state.

Metabilis3 · 15/07/2012 11:09

There are certainly some obsessional people on this thread. Xenia doesn't appear to be one of them.

Mamamaiasaura · 15/07/2012 11:13

metal enough with insults. I'm feeding baby and she's asleep on me and so having a moment of mnet time. Im actually finding this an interesting discussion. If you have nothing to add.. You know the rest Smile

Metabilis3 · 15/07/2012 11:15

It is completely true that many posters in this thread have been sneering towards WOHM

Metabilis3 · 15/07/2012 11:16

It's quite amusing that one of the people who has been the most disruptive and added the least to this thread is now chastising others. Grin