Controlled Crying - stress levels stay high even when babies have learned to settle themselves.

[Codandchops]

OMG!!!

Even worse is that I could not bear to leave my DS as a baby so used to sit in the room and re-settle him every 5 mins. How shit is that? He could see me for 5 mins at a time not comforting him (even though after every 5 mins I did comfort him).

Have always felt an irrational guilt about DS's autism and wonder if I made things worse .

Need to read the research and look at numbers involved.

funny

I'm with you on that...

I am a believer in the three "c's" method of parenting.

Calpol, cookies and crech!

That apologie was to bubbley.

I just get fed with some people saying AP/carrying babies all day is so naturaal. It cant be as its not physically possible to carry 2 babies all day long, too heavy!
Also women used to, many moons ago, be permenatly pregnant, babies would be 10 , 11 etc months apart
How do you carry 2 or 3 babies up to the age of 1 or 2, impossible. So it can only be sooo natural with a PFB otherwise just cant do it.

Yes, thousands of years have passed since humans lived in caves and had to worry about predators. However, our brains still work pretty much the same way.

We haven't evolved during these years, because evolution doesn't happen in such a space of time (more like hundreds of thousands, or millions of years until you have changes).

That's why we crave fatty, sugary food, for example. We evolved for that. Our bodies and brains are the same of a time when food was scarce, but today food is abundant. Hence obesity levels.

Bottom line is: biologically, we are still pretty much cavemen - some people prefer to ignore that as they think it's demeaning in some way. I try to work with that.

Nigella, if some babies aren't happy sharing a bed then it's possible that some aren't happy in a cot by themselves. They are all different.

Twocotbeds in lots of primitive societies where children are breastfed on demand, the mother's fertility is delayed in a way that gap between children are much larger, more like 3 or 4 years. So, carrying the youngest all the time would be perfectly possible.

(and really, you don't think in such societies people spend all day in front of the computer and have weak muscles like us, do you? They move all day and are in general much stronger than we are nowadays)

It's ok catus :)

There ae some very cute pics of twins in slings if you google :)

Thanks, FunnyLoves. You're scaring me a little. Child abuser, seriously?
I guess I shouldn't be bothered by all this. I would just like people to understand that all babies are different, that there is no magical set up that will work for everyone, and that obviously include CC.
And also, some babies cry even when held. DS cried in my arms (and in my poor ears) or in the sling for hours, day and night.

Catus, some peo

I don't disagree with you bumbley, we cosleep, I love it and it works really well for our family. I just object to the idea that people who are not cosleeping (o indeed following any particular parenting behaviour - cc, formula feeeding, bf, usinjg dummies, not using dunnies - are doing something wrong.

As parents we can become very proprietorial over 'our methods' and therefore can often waste so much time and energy either making others feeling guilty for doing what works for us.

schroedingersdodo
Yup we are still like the cave people and yes we still crave fatty sugary foods but we don't eat them all day long because our lives are different to cave people and we would all get fat and die young. So we do HAVE to go away from our primal urges in that sense.
Also mothers lives are different from cave women, some don't have the time to sit in their cave stirring the momouth soup with a stick and cuddling a baby while the cave man goes out to hunt. :) (some have to hunt and cook)

catus DS2 was the same. He screamed being held and screamed when put down. There was nothing else we could do. And yes, there are some very judgemental people around! We are at the point where if you opt for 'traditional' parenting techniques ie baby in cot, allowing some crying etc you open yourself up for villification. Some people don't want to understand what drives a mother to leave her child to cry, they just want to judge and criticise

Catus, some people have been told that leaving their baby to cry for hours by itself is abusive ie. CIO not CC and probably not at the age where it is considered appropriate to 'sleep train'. I'm not sure what funny's particular method was but it may not be anything like what you used - there do seem to be big variations between what people consider to be CC.

I would just like people to understand that all babies are different, that there is no magical set up that will work for everyone,

^
This!

Quite Housework It irritates me all this 'we are still cavemen really' nonsense

Argh, too many typos/punctutation errors in my post!

Lol-ingh at myself for not using dunnies though

lol-ingh!!!!! argh, I give up

bubbley there was no 'method' and from what catus describes our experiences were very similar.

twocotbeds-actually thats not true-from what ive read anyway.Breastfeeding when done exclusively does prevent pregnancy in the first 6 months,also i know in different tribes there are different practices with regards to sex,some couples just dont have sex for the first two years!Thats just something i have read though,so they werent contsantly pregnant,unlike me!I managed to carry one on each hip fine,and one in a sling at the same time sometimes,but i do have big hips!

One thing i must point out,is that people who ap are constantly being badgered about their parenting,but once it turns and things like formula and controlled crying are criticized,then its not on all of a sudden is it?

Catus my dd was the same as a baby, I am insulted by the idea that if I'd just picked her up and put her in a sling she would have stopped crying for 6 months. As if! We tried everything btw but like many happy, secure and well-adjusted, well looked after children around the globe, she had a night of CC before sleeping happily through the night at 6 months, in her own cot, in her own room.
And we have never looked back (she's 5 now) .
Do some people really think cots are bad for babies? Jeez, just when you think you've heard it all.

OK, point me to the CC/FF pressure group.

I used to be quite sensitive when people critisised or judged what I did as a parent because my first was so difficult and I probably thought I was getting it all wrong do I know how upsetting this sort of thing can be.

I'm ok now because the only opinion that matters to me now it my children's and they say I'm "the best mum in the world"

Grey a cot is like prison for babies.............poor incarcerated children

last post on this,but i do think theres a middle ground.One of the reasons i hate gina ford and supernanny,and also at the opposite end of the spectrum ,books on AP,is because they imply that if your not doing that they say,you must be doing the complete oppsite.

Just because someone does cc doesnt mean they are cold,uncaring cows who care more about child free evening and going back to work (which is how they are percieved by a lot of APS) and just because someone co sleeps,breastfeeds and stays at home doesnt mean they are boring,smug hippies,who live in chaos and are sacrificing themselves,which is how i have seen and heard them described by more mainstream parents.