Children should be potty trained by the time they start school....

[Littlepurpleprincess]

According to This Morning I am 'lazy' and 'unskilled' because DS wasn't potty trained when he started school! He was FOUR and he tried his level best. We worked with him and our health visitor for 2 years to get him potty trained.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT LAZY?!

I am childminder and have potty trained many children. HOW IS THAT UNSKILLED?

I do wish people who new sod all about child development would stop commenting on other peoples parenting skills!

Any other additional need and people wouldn't dare say it's down to poor parenting on National TV!

Ugh! I had DD, who had Autism and GDD, who wasn't clean and dry when she started school. She was clean during the day at 6yo, at night at 8yo. She was dry during the day at 10yo, and at night at 12yo. Yeah, I could have hurried THAT along?! Considering she WASN'T PRODUCING A NEEDED HORMONE until she hit those ages...

DS1, on the other hand, was dry during the day at 16mo, and at night at 18mo, and has never had an accident.

DS2, who was non-mobile till 3.7yo, was clean and dry during the day at 2.11mo, DESPITE being unable to crawl or walk. Nighttimes came a bit later, at 3.11yo, after he had started walking.

But, yeah, I'm LAZY, right. Because my DD wasn't 'potty trained' by the time she started school.

It's bollocks isn't it. All 3 of mine dry at night from very early on. First two potty trained early. DS 3 was just different. He hated going to the loo and would make himself constipated and then not be able to hold it. He hated using loos that weren't the home loo. He was nine before he grew out of it completely and we tried everything short of medical intervention to sort it out.

It's very unusual for a child without any medical problems or psychological issues to not be toilet trained by four years old.

It does happen that four years olds just aren't ready yet, but it doesn't happen often. I would have thought that children being untrained must be fairly common for this to have become an issue worth being mentioned in the news, which des indicate that some parents have been slack about training.

I know from experience how many children are sent to school without having the first clue how to dress and undress themselves, and I don't see what else that can be put down to apart from laziness on the parents behalf, or a wierd desire to keep them baby like and dependent. It is very sad to see children struggling to do something so basic when everyone else in their class can do it easily just because their parents have put the time in.

I work in early years, and with older children before and after school. The few children who have struggled either have a medical problem or for whatever reason are developmentally delayed in this area.

I find it odd that I come into contact with so many children yet I'm just not meeting these lazy parents.

Maybe it because I work to help and support the child and parent, rather than judging them.

That's what you get for watching This Morning
It's the tv equivilant of the Daily Mail

DD just started recep and has had a couple of accidents.
I remember having accidents when I started school.
It sometimes happens when you're 4
School were fine about it with DD, as they were with me when I was young.

Accidents are very common in reception and Y1, and of course the school should be fine about it. I think there is a big difference between a child having a few accidents and not being toilet trained though.

I work with children and have done for many years and can only think of a handful who have started school in nappies and they all had physical disabilities.
What research have they based this assumption on?
Of course children have accidents at school- that's nothing new- I remember wetting myself at school when I first started and that was in the 70s .

There is difference between the occasional accident and being totally in nappies

This story isn't including children with health issues or disabilities

Too many parents are babying their children, a 4 year old should be in pants fulltime and able to use the loo the majority of the time

20 years ago, no child started school in nappies, they weren't even allowed at playgroup in nappies at 2.5. The rules were changed (rightly so) that a child with a disability or learning difficulty could attend playgroup and school in nappies but that now extends to all children, so parents think it's normal

The childrens development hasn't changed, the parents attitudes have

Nope, pre-schools round here only take dc in nappies if they have SN. Otherwise you are told to go away and come back when they are potty trained. And that is for dc from 2.5yo.

I don't believe that children these days have any more accidents than they did 30 years ago.

What has changed is the attitude of adults toward soiling. When I was a wee girl, it seemed perfectly acceptable for adults to discipline you for wetting your pants. I remember children being yelled at and being made tombelieve that even wetting was a henious crime in infants.

I read this and thought, blimey, it's like teachers have never had children. If they can't see that plenty of parents try very hard with this particular issue, and that it is actually a difficult thing to do with some NT children - given that we choose not to shame and/or beat our children these days - then, well, it does I suppose explain the attitudes teachers show on here and in RL (if you get one pissed) towards parents.

huntycat thta's discrimination and illegal

They are talking about children in nursery, aren't they? 3+?
Big difference between a 3 yr old who's 'late' getting it, and a 4-yr-old, who I agree should be dry 99% of the time but will have accidents because of overconcentrating or being too unsure of things to know they can ask to go to the toilet.

I think the word missing from the thread title is 'ideally'.

It isn't always going to happen that way .

It's not - they DO take dc WITH sn that are still in nappies - just not ones WITHOUT sn that are still in nappies...

My sister is a preschool teacher who has a number of children still in nappies aged four. It impacts on the time she can give to the other kids as she is sometimes required to change shitty nappies.

In Glasgow your chiuld cannot start state nursery school aged 3 unless they are potty trained.

I have read posts on here from people who intend to leave potty training until age 3 so nursery can do it.

I don't know if they were genuine but I have definitely read more than one poster saying that they intended to get the nursery to potty train their NT child.

My son will be four in May and he isn't potty trained. I have tried and tried and tried but he just doesn't want to do it. He can hold it for hours so physically is capable but doesn't want to use the potty/toilet. His sisters where trained around thier second birthdays without any difficulty!

I really hope he is trained before he starts school.

Well surely children should be potty trained by 3 at the latest - unless there are developmental delays or disabilities? It's not fair on teachers to expect them to be changing 4 year olds at school, is it?
I don't think it's laziness by parents, but maybe the fact that some children cannot be trained at this age is in fact a symptom of a SN or delay.

huntycat that's still discrimination and illegal- the pre-school can't refuse a child a place, special needs or no specail needs, because they are in nappies

'3 at the latest' - no, I think 4 at the latest is a better measure. Just from own/friends' experiences of totally NT children (and all trying to get them to use the potty/toilet, well before 3).

It was made very clear in the news item that it is not talking about children with SN. And I don't think they're talking about the odd accident either - that's part and parcel of life in reception classes. But our Foundation Stage teachers, in leafy middle-class suburbia, despair of some of the children's poor social/personal skills when they start school, not just lack of toilet-training, but being unable to use a knife and fork, dress themselves or share.

The preschools around here take children in nappies. Ours take children from 2. I think that children are trained from 2 - 3.5 depending on how ready they are. DD 2 is 2.5 and not ready to train yet as she is not yet talking and it's not time yet.

I can't really see what the problem is.

So are they talking about starting school (4+) or nursery (3+ maybe younger)?

I thought it was school?